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Dad just slapped me.
Tears well up in my eyes as I look up at the man in front of me. I think I see regret in his eyes, but it’s replaced by fury and hatred far too quickly for me to be sure. Then he’s gone, pulling Mom behind him as he marches out of the room.
I don’t understand what just happened, but I know it’s not good. I have a dreadful feeling that this is only the beginning.
CHAPTER 1
SERENITY
Being able to spend the day avoiding most of my packmates is a miracle. My pack hates me. They’ve made my life a living hell for almost eight years.
I used to find solace at school, but since graduating a few months ago, I can’t hide there anymore. It’s not like I was entirely safe there, but it was better. Now, I feel like I’m always looking over my shoulder and trying to avoid being alone with anyone. When I’m caught alone by certain people, it always ends up with me in pain.
I’m so tired of feeling pain. I’m so tired of not knowing when the next beating is coming or when I’ll be yelled at or made to feel like trash.
I’m just so tired.
I turn 18 in two days and I’m trying so hard to keep my head down until then. The only thing I’ve looked forward to for years is turning 18 because then I’ll be able to find my mate. It’s been the only source of hope for me for so long, but my gut twists about finding my mate as well. If he’s in this pack, then I don’t know if he’ll accept me.
Everything got fucked up years ago and I can’t tell you why. It makes no sense to me.
One day I woke up, eight years old, with loving parents and a brother who would protect me from anything and everything. Then it was just gone. All the safety and security in my life. All the love I never once doubted. It was there and then…gone.
I used to have friends. I used to have a family I could rely on to be there for me. But it was like one day a switch flipped and everyone turned on me. I’ve tried, for years, to figure out what changed, but I have no idea. Maybe I’ve locked some memory away to protect myself, but I don’t think so.
There was a time when I was looking forward to growing up because I wanted to help my pack thrive. I wanted to be a part of making us grow and prosper in whatever way I could. I started training at eight with my father, the Beta of my pack, Waning Moon. I never cared about what position I held in the pack, I just wanted to find a way to help it.
My brother, Samuel, was always going to be the next Beta since he’s older than me and best friends with the next Alpha, Todd. I never aspired for a position of power in the pack. Being a warrior and doing my best to help was good enough for me and I thought it was a future to be proud of.
Now, I can only hope my mate isn’t here in Waning Moon and I’ll be able to escape the hell that has been inflicted on me for the last eight years.
My father used to dote on me and praise me while training me. Now, he refuses to even look at me and my training stopped when everyone in my life changed. My loving brother no longer looks at me with soft eyes. He sneers at me and laughs when others hurt me. My best friend, Kathy, the Alpha’s daughter, was like a sister to me. She’s become someone who torments me for her own enjoyment.
The fact that Kathy and Samuel mated as of two weeks ago when Kathy turned 18 and they found out they were fated, has made me more fearful. The two of them working together sounds like one of my worst nightmares. The pain they would be able to inflict would be magnified to proportions I don’t want to think about.
I wish it was only physical pain, but it’s not. It’s the loss that cuts me deeply. The loss of what we once were. The loss of the bonds of friendship and family between us. The loss of the life I was supposed to have.
As I sneak in the backdoor of the packhouse, the hair on my arms stands up. Something is wrong. Something is going on and as much as I fear finding out what it is, I know I can’t run. They’ve probably already caught my scent and running would only cause them to chase me. I’m too weak to win against them—they’ve made sure of it.
There is only one way I can go and that’s forward. I step into the large pack kitchen from the back door and try and brace for whatever awaits me.
“Well, look who it is,” Todd’s voice is deep and dark like a nightmare skittering across your skin, one you can’t wake up from. “Have you been hiding from us?”
I know it’s a rhetorical question and tilt my head down so I’m looking at the floor instead of looking at anyone in the kitchen. Looking into their eyes only pisses them off. I learned my lesson on eye contact already.
Todd grips my shoulders with a punishing hold. I know it’ll leave bruises behind; he relishes his ability to leave his mark of pain behind on my body. Tears sting the back of my eyes, but it’s not from pain. It’s from the loss of the friendship which existed between us.
There was a time when I hoped Todd was my mate. I was the only one who could calm him down or help him to see reason and I thought it was a sign from the Moon Goddess. I don’t have the same feelings now. I no longer pray to the full moon to entwine our souls together and make us two halves of a whole.
Being tied to Todd for the rest of my life would shatter me. He would never accept me as his mate and he would use the bond, something which is supposed to be beautiful and magical, like a noose around my neck.
Then there’s the shame of how many she-wolves he’s been with in the pack. I feel bad for whoever Todd’s mate is and can only hope it’s not me. He’s fucked so many of the younger generation of females by using his charm to lure them into his clutches. I would feel bad for them, but they were willing participants in being swept up in his lopsided smile, disarming dimples, and sparkling eyes.
Hell, I’m not sure how Kathy was able to accept my brother considering he was just as bad at seducing the females of the pack. I guess the mate bond is a magical thing if she’s able to forget all about the years of him screwing around with others. Or, maybe, it doesn’t matter now because he’ll be faithful to his mate.
He doesn’t have to be, but it’s rare for a wolf to cheat on the bond. Not only will their mate feel excruciating pain when the bond is betrayed, but mates are tied together by their souls. That kind of connection doesn’t really allow for anything else.
It doesn’t matter why. It’s not my problem and I refuse to make it my problem.
