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I could slit my wrist, but I hate the sight of blood. This went on for I have no idea how long. But the ending conclusion was who the hell cares, as long I wasn't there anymore. That thought was so depressing. I rolled over and cried into my pillow wishing I was worthy of something. Anything. As long as it didn’t hurt.
When I pulled myself together, I called Macy and was further forlorn when she didn’t answer.
‘Well Lydia, this is your life. Alone. Get used to it.’
Right then my stomach started to growl, but there was no way I was going to walk back out those doors. Maybe I could just starve myself to death. Maybe this time it would work.
Chapter Three
LYDIA
The unfortunate incident at the party or that is what Macy called it, definitely set the stage for how the next few months went as far as my master plan to reinvent myself. Because, I simply went back to being invisible. I went to class, ate, and stayed in my room. A few times it felt as if someone was watching me. It caused fear to rise in my throat, because all I kept picturing was that awful girl and her friends cornering me somewhere and doing serious harm to me. But it never happened. The feeling though, never went away either.
Before I knew it, a month of school had passed, and it suddenly dawned on me that I had talked to Macy only a handful of times during that period. Oh it wasn’t that I hadn’t been calling her incessantly or anything. It's more that she always seemed to be busy or unavailable. And when we did talk, she was distant. I kept asking her what happened or if she needed me to come home, but she would change the subject and talk about something else. I couldn’t figure it out, but there was nothing I could do.
One night, I had no choice but to leave my sanctuary. I had an English paper due and needed to go to the library to find the particular newspaper article I needed to finish it. As I was walking across the Quad towards the building, I heard what I thought was a scream. Stopping dead in my tracks, I looked around trying to find the source of the sound but couldn’t find where it was coming from.
Trekking on til I got about ¾ of the way to the building, there was quite a bit of commotion coming towards me. In a swarm of activity and noise, the grassy area was suddenly filled with a hoard of students carrying speakers, beer, and a bunch of other things. As they make their way through the quad, I am knocked left and right then back and forth as if I am not even there. I remember thinking in my mind, “Huh. Guess my invisibility cloak worked more than I wish it did.’
That was the never-ending joke between Macy and me. See, we were both Harry Potter groupies and when the invisibility cloak became a thing, we both jumped all over that. How awesome would it be to be able to choose when you are seen and when you are not. We used to pretend throughout the school day that we had one on and walked through the halls as if no one could see us. That is until someone would shove one of us into a locker or trip one of us walking down the hall.
As I got knocked forward and fell to my knees, I can’t help but lament that maybe the cloak is not such a good idea after all. I could barely make my way to standing up because the crowd just kept coming. Suddenly I was lifted off the ground like I weighed no more than a cloud and set on my feet. The tingling that went through me as those mysterious hands touched me made no sense. It literally lasted all of a second, but I swear it was long enough for me to sniff him.
The smell of sweat and sandalwood wafted through my nostrils and the tingles turned into a shiver. I had never smelled someone so manly before. Wanting to see the face of this mystery person, I smoothed my hair down and turned around to get my bearings. I wanted to thank whoever it was, but they were gone and as I looked around I noticed so was everyone else.
I was once again alone. So why did it feel worse this time?
Chapter Four
LYDIA
The week started off pretty good. Classes had been going great, aside from the fact that the horrid girl from the party was in two of them. Luckily enough I managed to avoid her. I haven't made any friends and I hadn’t expected too at this point. Especially since in two weeks Macy would be here and all would be good in my world.
I never found the smelled good guy, which is just as well. If I did see him, what would I say? But the feeling of being watched hasn’t gone away either. I have ruled out Alicia, horrid party girl. If it was her, she had more than ample time to do something and she hasn’t. So what or who was it?
I mentioned it to Macy, and she sort of blew me off. I don’t know what had gotten into her by that point. She was not the same and it worried me. What if our friendship was only strong because we were together all the time? What if this distance had changed it. somehow? What would I do?
When Wednesday came, which was the day I used to go see my therapist. She was on vacation that week, so instead I went back to my room to study for a stupid math test and hoped to find a book to read for the rest of the day.
When I make it back to my room, I decide to call Macy first. I want to make sure she made it on to the platform to confirm her classes. We are going to have three classes together. So freaking awesome. As the phone rings, I think about all the stuff I want to do the weekend she comes that I have not had the courage to do by myself.
“Hello.” Oh!! Macy mom answers the phone. That’s weird. She never answers Macy’s line.
“Hi Mrs. Callum. It’s Lydia. Is Macy home?” Something about her voice sounds strange. Then it dawns on me about the same time her dad grabs the phone that her mom is crying.
“Lydia. I don’t know how to tell you this, but Macy committed suicide last night. Her mother and I came into her room this morning and found her hanging from the ceiling.”
My ears have stopped working. My first thought was that I have gone deaf and the noise around me has been replaced by some type of computer spitting out typo after typo.
“I’m sorry. What did you say?”
“Macy is dead, sweetie. I am so sorry.”
I know he just said something important to me and I should be reacting to it. But all my head can comprehend is static. I don't know when I hung up the phone. Or when I opened the door. Hell I can’t even tell you when I walked out of the dorm room. Everything…...EVERYTHING is black and filled with fog. I don’t know why I stopped when I did. All I can remember is that the feeling started in my toes. They became numb and then began to tingle like when your foot falls asleep. That feeling wafted its way up my legs past my knees and thighs. It wasn’t until it reached my stomach that I began to register the pain. My knees buckled below me, and I caved.
“Maaaaaaaaccccccyyyyyyyyyy……. why? Why would you leave me here alone? MACY COME BACK!!!!! I CAN’T DO THIS WITHOUT YOU!!!!!! PLEASE MACY. OH GOD!! NO NOT YOU. IT SHOULD HAVE BEEN ME!!!!!!!! I DON'T DESERVE TO BE HERE…...WHY??? WHY???” Who knows how long I stood there yelling at nothing, while on my knees. It felt like forever and no time at all, all at once. But I clearly remember when my vision wasn’t as ridden with tears, I saw my out.
Apparently, I had walked to the bridge a few blocks from campus. The bridge overlooks a highway overpass. With one jump, I could end it all. It felt like fate. My one tie to this cruel world has left me and without her, I have no reason to be here anymore. The fates have brought me to this very bridge to finally find some peace. No need to talk myself into it. I walked over to the bridge and climbed on top of it. Strange as it may sound, I remember feeling as if all of my memories were being pulled from my mind and all being replaced with visions of water, trees, birds, and all things beautiful and calming. I knew then that this was the right choice.
