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I posed my leg and braced myself when I felt light like air and began to float towards the ground. Only, it wasn’t because I jumped. No. It was that smell again. Sandalwood and sweat. For a second I am glad to not be dead, because that smell is so…..I don’t know but it calls to me somehow. Then I remember why I was about to jump, and I turned into the hardest chest I have felt...well to be fair I haven't felt any….and began to scream and slam my fist into him.
Chapter Five
LUKE
I first saw her on the day of orientation. She stood outside the door taking breaths like she was about to enter a war zone or something. In a way, I guess she would be right. I am already a senior, but something about her propelled me to go into the orientation as well. I sat in the back of the class and just watched her. She took notes so intently and never once did her attention stray from the class. When I saw her outside, my feet halted. It was literally like for a split second, the world tilted on its axis and all I could see was her.
There was nothing spectacular about her. I don't mean it in a mean way, only to say that nothing about her would stand out to someone else who is not me. But, when I saw her, I saw my whole future flash before my eyes. She was like a beacon of light, though I could see the darkness within her. She wasn’t any taller than 5’1’’ with a body built for a pinup calendar. The fact that I had yet to see her eyes has me a bit panicked; because until she looks me in the eye, I won’t have the connection I crave with this dark, light creature.
That night, I followed her to the party because I was so worried about her state of mind. An angel such as this one should not be somewhere like that. Those people don’t deserve to be surrounded with her aura. A fact I am sure was lost on her. My plan was to go into the party and immediately put my arm around her, so that the fucking horny ass mediocre assholes inside would know to back the hell off. By the time I made it there, the phone call I had been dreading came through and I had to leave my Angel to the wolves alone.
Walking away from that party hurt in ways you would never know. Not only because I wanted to be able to finally connect with her, but also because I knew she would retreat further into herself after the experience. Thus, making it harder for me to reach her. But I knew she would be worth it.
The following day, I heard the whispers about a “fat chick getting her ass kicked” by some anorexic bitch named Alicia. Deep in my gut, I knew they were talking about her. I felt the lowest of the low knowing that it could have been prevented. I spent the rest of the day worried about her and wishing we had classes together. Just so I could really watch and protect her against the idiots of the world.
I did that as much as possible. Of course, I couldn't wake up every waking hour, but I did more often than not. The night in the quad when she was knocked to the ground I picked her up and though she couldn't see my face, holding her in my arms felt like home. I took a split second to inhale her sweet scent and etched it into my heart, where the rest of her went and then I fled into the night. I don’t know why I didn’t take the chance to introduce myself, other than to say I was scared of her rejecting me. So instead, I chose to remain in the shadows.
For over a month I went to class, to work, and followed my Angel around. I had her routine down to a science, so at any given moment I knew where to find her. Except tonight. I just happened to be walking past her dorm, knowing she was in for the night, on my way to the gym to work out when I saw her walking out of the door with this far away, haunted look in her eyes. My heart began to beat in a staccato that felt as if it was going to breach my skin at any moment. I could feel in my bones that something life changing had just happened to her, but I didn't want to startle her either.
So, I walked behind her to make sure she didn’t come to harm in her dissociative state. When she stopped at the bridge initially I was confused. But then she fell to her knees and began to yell and scream at nothing and everything. My heart was breaking for her and I wanted to put my arms around her. Tell her it was going to be ok, and she was not alone, because I would never leave her. I waited with bated breath, and I waited. I didn’t want to spook her or to stifle her grief, but I also didn’t want to give her the space to do something rash.
Almost as soon as the thought left my mind, I saw her climb on the ledge and any thought of space or rejection left my mind. I ran over to her as fast as I could. To be honest, she was so determined I barely made it. When I made it over to her, her foot was in the air poised to drop. I wrapped my arms around her waist and hoisted her to the ground. For a second she did nothing, but almost immediately she began to flail her arms and legs. When I turned her into my body so I could cradle her and try to calm her down, she beat her fists against my chest crying and screaming the word why, over and over again.
I have no idea how long we stayed in that dark desolate place, but after some time she began to move about almost sleepily. I released some of my hold on her and her head leaned back to look at me.
I am not clear on what I thought she was going to say, but it definitely wasn’t what came out of her mouth.
“You. Sandalwood and sweat. You helped me once before, didn’t you?” My heart began to beat for an entirely different reason. The fact that she registered my existence at all is more than I could have hoped for. This Angel has seemingly kept my scent in her mind for all this time.
“Yes. It was me.” She looks at me through squinty eyes and asks with more than a hint of skepticism, “Why?”
“Why what?” I ask her even though I know what she is asking.
“Why did you help me then and now?”
At this moment, I am at a fork in the road. I can either come up with some offhand comment about luck or her looking like she needed some help, no big deal. Or, I could take a chance and tell the truth and see where it would lead us.
“Because you are my Angel. Since the moment I saw you I felt as if you were brought here for me to protect, and I intend to.” Realizing what I said to her, I hold my breath because even to me I sound like a stalker. I look into her eyes expecting her to scream and run from me, but she doesn’t do that.
Her eyes get big, and she whispers, “Your Angel?”
I move some hair out of her face and look into the most beautiful green eyes I have ever seen. Up close she is even more gorgeous. Her eyes are mesmerizing, and her lips are positively sinful. They are shaped like a bow and have a natural pout with a pink tint. My mind wanders to sharing our first kiss.
“Look, I don’t know you or why you are even here, but I wish you would have let me go. I have no reason to stay here anymore. My only friend in the whole world just killed herself, leaving me all alone. I have no family and nowhere to turn. I just want to go And finally have some peace. You should have j-just l-l-let me g-g-g-g-oo….”
She sobs this at me, and I feel the moisture starting to form in my eyes. Fuck. My poor Angel is so broken. No, not broken. She is torn. Ripped to shreds with the pieces flapping in the wind. My only thought at this moment, besides the need to hold her, is to find a way to fix her. For sure, I can't take her back to her dorm room like this. Those vultures will eat her alive.
I scooped her up and carried her the three blocks to my apartment, taking her upstairs. She fell asleep halfway to my place. I lay her down gently on my bed, remove her shoes and jacket, and pull a cover over her. Standing at the foot of the bed, I can’t help but think how right she looks in my bed surrounded by my things. Which further hits home that she is my reason for being.
There have been plenty of times within my own life I have wanted to end it. Especially with the shit I am dealing with right now. But something always stops me. Something always whispered to me that my purpose has yet to be revealed. That I needed to hold on longer to reach the end goal.
Well, I am 100% sure my end goal is asleep in my queen-sized bed.
Chapter Six
LYDIA
I woke up long before he knew it. Although I was freaked out about waking up in some guy's bed, my foremost thought was ‘why me’? I asked myself this question a lot growing up. Why was I the only kid with a mother who didn’t love her? Loathed by her in fact. Why am I the only kid in my high school who doesn’t know who her father is? Why am I here? Why am I still alive? I used to wish every day for my heart to stop, while I was asleep or even when I was awake. I could care less about the pain of falling dead or getting hit by a car. The pain would have been welcomed because it would mean I was dying. How fucked up is that? How messed up is it to wish for death of any variety, as long as it removes you from the hell on earth.
