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Why me? That had become my mantra and I never got an answer. Laying on my back in his bed I realized a few things. I don’t know his name, I have no idea where we are, and most of all I realized I still want to die. The ache in my chest from the hole Macy obliterated was growing more and more massive by the minute. Making me long for the end. Turning my head slightly to see if he is awake, I take in the face I didn’t get to really see.
Oh my he is gorgeous. He had this sort of James Dean, Rebel without a Cause thing going on. The difference being he has quite a bit more muscle than James Dean. Everywhere, by the look of his thighs that are laying outside of the blankets. Wow. I have never seen legs that big. But the most beautiful thing about him is the Adam's apple I can see bulging out of his throat. My grandma, before she died, used to tell me, “Always look for a man with a pronounced Adam’s apple. That’s how you know you got a real man.” Well, he definitely had to be real. Which begged the question once again, why me?
A man like him could have any girl he wants. What the hell would he want with a fat, awkward, and ugly nobody? Deciding this must be some sort of prank or he just took pity on me; I roll over to get out of the bed when his muscle bulging arm wraps around my waist. Looking down at it I notice he has a tattoo. Some type of writing on his forearm. He pulls me towards him and rolls me, so we are face to face. And what a nice face it is.
“Where do you think you are going, beautiful?”
Beautiful? Now I know this is some sort of joke or pity thing. No one in all of my 18 years has ever called me that and really meant it. Time to go.
“Uhmmm…. back to my dorm. Thank you for rescuing me…. I guess. In the future, when someone is about to end their life, maybe take a second to think what they have to live for, before you interfere. A person that wants to do it, will just try again. Have a nice life.”
There. That ought to of……
“What the hell?” I squeal as I am being lifted and dropped back on the bed, but this time underneath him.
“Is that your way of telling me you are going to try again?”
Damn, he smells so good. And he feels good on top of me. Somehow his weight on me feels right, safe. I want to snuggle into him and never come out.
“Just because you're cute as hell sniffing me doesn’t mean you are not going to have to answer me Angel. Are you going to try again?” Realizing he is talking to me; I look up into his eyes and get lost again. “Fuck Angel. You can’t look at me like that. I have wanted to kiss you since I first saw you. If you keep looking at me like that, I will.”
I should totally dispel him of this idea, but I find I want him to kiss me more than I should. I know this is wrong because I just lost my best friend. Obviously, I am grieving and out of my mind. Right? Why else would I be considering this at all? Other than, there is something about having someone care enough about me, to watch me, and hold me when I need it. Something that I have never had.
“I don’t know. I might. I certainly have no reason not to.” I whisper.
“Well I beg to differ. Now you do. You have me. And a whole life ahead of you. I know it hurts what you're going through and right now it seems impossible, but trust me when I tell you that it will get better if you take it one day at a time. And my goal is to help you do that. Even if it means I don’t let you go back to your dorm. If I have to drop you off and pick you up everywhere and bring you here every night, damn it I will.”
Chapter Seven
LYDIA
Whoa. This is intense. Who is this guy? Where did he come from? How would he even have time for all of that? My thoughts are so jumbled right now, I giggle. Because, out of all of the thoughts I could have had this is what I am worried about. Stupid Lydia.
“Ah babe. That giggle is the sweetest thing I have heard in a long time. Do you know what I would give to hear it every day?” I shake my head as I continue to look at him. And then suddenly I realize I don't know his name.
“I don’t know what is happening here or why. Instead of running, I want to stay for it. But, what I do know is I don’t know your name.” he looks at me as if he doesn’t know what I am saying. Then he lets out full on deep from the gut laugh and rolls around on the bed.
“Shit Angel.” He says, still laughing his ass off. “You're right. I just jumped all in and didn’t even tell you my name. No wonder you're looking at me like a lunatic. Hell for that matter I don't know yours either. Tell you what, why don’t we go into the kitchen, and I will make us breakfast while we talk. Sounds good?”
I really should leave. Somehow I feel like it might be better not knowing anything and making a clean break. But then again, if he knows as much about me as he says, then it won’t matter. Using that logic and not that he makes me feel things I have never felt. I nod my head and allow him to extricate me from the bed.
We walk hand in hand down the massive hallway and for the first time, I take a look around. Holy hell. This place is beautiful. Wait. We are in a house. For some reason last night I thought we were in an apartment. But this is a…..a mansion. Looking around me, I notice the decor is simple but sophisticated. The halls are all pristine white, but appear to be outlined in chrome of some sort. The design is interesting as well. Walking from the bedroom, you walk down a long hall and if I look to my left there appears to be a spiral staircase leading further down into the house. On the right is another spiral staircase leading further up. Once you make it past this hall, you come to some sort of oblong entryway where I can see the front door. But, also leading to the kitchen and what I presume is an eat in the dining room.
Ok. seriously. Who is he?
“I know you have a lot of questions, and I will answer all of them to the best of my ability. What do you like for breakfast? Lisette has a lot of casseroles stored in the freezer. One of which, I am sure, is a breakfast one. Or we can have pancakes, bacon, and eggs or whatever you like.”
My body freezes up as he mentions another woman. The letdown is unnecessary because we had nothing. But somehow it feels like we did, and it hurts all the same. I should have known. Of course a guy that looks like him, would have some supermodel looking chick warming his bed every night. What would he really want with someone like me?
I have to get out of here.
“On second thought, I am not hungry. Thank you for everything. See you around, I guess.” I turn on my heels and try to remember what all I need to grab from his room. Before I make it to the edge of the kitchen, I am lifted and thrown over his shoulder.
“What are you doing? Put me down.” I yell at him and beat his back. He of course ignores me and keeps walking until we reach what I am assuming is the counter. Then, he places me there and spreads my legs so that he can stand in between them.
“Angel. You are going to have to stop running away from me. If something upsets you, tell me or ask me about it. I will never lie to you. Now, I am guessing it was the mention of Lisette. Am I right?”
I chew on my bottom lip and refuse to look at him. Who the hell does he think he is trying to get into my head? I don’t need this. I need to get away from him and figure out what the hell I am going to do with my life. If I even want it now. Because without Macy, even school doesn’t seem viable. I had been holding on all this time waiting for her, so I was able to get lost in it. But now, knowing that she is never going to come, and I am going to be living with some strange girl; makes matters worse, since I am sure she will be awful like all the others.
