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What I find the most striking though are the pictures of the young girl. She appears to be about 15-16 in the photos. To say she is beautiful would be an understatement. She is petite with emerald, green eyes, high society high cheekbones, but the warmest smile I have ever seen. It's clear she is more than model potential. However, looking around the rest of the room, I notice that any photo of her by herself is illuminated with some sort of flameless light and flowers. As if...as if in remembrance.
“That’s Claudette. She was 16 in the picture you are looking at. She would have been 22 this year. She died shortly after that picture was taken.”
His voice appears unaffected. To anyone hearing him speak of her over the phone, you would think it matters so little. But to stand here and look at his face it is more than obvious it still haunts him.
‘Looks like I am not the only person with some darkness trailing them.’
“I am so sorry Luke. You lost your whole family within one year of each other. I cannot imagine something so hard and pulling through it like you have. I mean look. I lost my best friend and decided to call it in. Huh. Guess it proves how weak I really am. You know…..” I continue on. I wish I knew what it was about him that makes me feel comfortable enough to say exactly what I am thinking. It is a quality I wish I had with everyone else, but him.
“You know what's it like to realize you have no purpose here? I have known for a long time that my mere existence was a waste of space. I mean my own mother told me so my whole life. But then when Macy and I became friends I felt like ok, maybe she and I together could equal a basic purpose. But without her, I’m nothing. Less than a nobody. I…. don’t exist. It is so hard trying to zombie walk your way through life. Seriously. I don’t know how the undead does it. It is mentally exhausting. And I just…. I just don’t have it in me.”
I whisper that last part, because somehow saying this to him feels…..wrong somehow. Not quite sure why, but it does.
That’s a lie. It’s because he makes me feel something else entirely, just by being in his presence. It takes me a second to identify the feeling, because it is something I have never felt. But I am more than sure the feeling is maybe...something like hope.
Chapter Eight
LUKE
Shit. Sitting there listening to her talk about herself as if she has already checked out, is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. It is there next to burying my whole entire family. Those two days killed me. Especially, when we buried Claudette. I carry so much guilt about what happened to her.
Truth. It may be what drove my initial infatuation with my Angel. I saw the dimming of her light in the way she walked. How she wouldn’t ever make eye contact with anyone, engage in conversation, or even stop for a second to check into the world around her. Seeing all of that once again right in front of me, I couldn’t walk away and let it happen again. Not when I have been given more than a second chance to do something about it. Only now though, it's my future I have to save.
“Angel. It pisses me off to hear you say things like that about yourself. You are not weak, invisible, or any other insipid thing you can think of to call yourself. You were just never given the necessary tools or tools to deal with a world that doesn’t appreciate you.”
“Oh yea. And what tool might that be?”
“Love. Angel. The most basic tool everyone who lives and breathes should have access too. Especially from the very people who birthed them. Love. That equips you with the strength to handle anything, because you have something to come back too.”
I can tell by the way she is staring at me mouth agape, that she didn't expect me to say that, and she has no comeback for it. I get it. Most people would find that surprising. But it is the truth. Love is the thing that teaches us to feel wanted, whole, compassion, and safe. Without that basic thing, you miss out on the other named components. Luckily for me, I had love. And so did my sister. But she also had a whole other complicated issue.
“Now Angel. Come and sit with me and let’s talk.”
I patiently wait for her to come to sit beside me and like I expect, she sits on the far side of the sofa. I know I should leave it alone for now, but my father used to always say, “Son. In life, you have to start as you mean to finish” and he was of course correct. So instead of letting her stay where she is, I get up from my spot, and walk down to hers. I lift her under her leg and back and plop my ass in the spot I just lifted her from, and sit her on my lap. The guppy look of hers is growing on me. But it is also giving me ideas.
“Angel. Close your mouth before I am forced to…..fuck it.”
And with those last two uttered words, as slowly as possible to give her a chance to stop me. Though I am not sure I can if I tried, I put my mouth to hers and I swear I can hear the bells from...shit I don’t know where, but I can hear chimes in my head.
She has the softest mouth I have ever kissed. When I wrap my hand around the back of her neck so I can angle her better, she gasps. It gives me the opening I need to stick my tongue in her mouth.
Holy hell the sweetness. Not to mention the inexperience I can sense from her. It is more than obvious she has never been kissed before and that makes this moment all the better, but also harder. I know she has been through a lot in the past day and more, and I need to take it slow. Give her a chance to think clearly before I take us to where we are going to be. Together. In every sense of the word. But first…..
Ripping my mouth from hers, she moans a bit at the loss and with her eyes still closed, lips puckered and pink like she is waiting for me to come back to them, and panting like she just ran a marathon. She is the single most erotically and sensually innocent creature I have ever seen.
“Damn Angel. I shouldn’t have done that. I know you are vulnerable right now and I shouldn’t have taken advantage. I’m sorry. Can you forgive me?”
She puts her fingers to her lips, as if making sure they are still there and nods her head.
“Thank you. I promise to put your needs first from now on.” I say as I kiss her head.
“Which brings me to this talk. Obviously, in light of what happened last night and the news of your friend, it shook you. But I also gathered from hearing you speak, that you have no one now that you have lost her. Is that accurate?”
She nods again.
“So what I propose is that you move in here. With me.”
She looks stunned. She doesn’t move, say anything, protest, or agree. It's like she is lost in translation.
