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Bipolar.
Everything around me closed to the point where I had to focus hard to make sense of what he was telling me. My stomach knotted with unease.
“You’re bipolar?”
He just stared at me but the confirmation was sharply present in his eyes.
“Were you going to tell me?”
“Yes.”
“When?”
“I don’t know.”
“Before we said our vows?”
“I said I don’t fucking know.” His voice elevated and I could almost feel the irritation radiating from him in strong waves, but I shouldn’t have been the focus of his unease. I hadn’t done anything wrong.
“You don’t get to be angry with me. I’m not the one at fault here. You punched a guy because you couldn’t stop yourself. And more importantly you kept a very important detail about you from me. Something that I need to consider before agreeing to all of this.”
He laughed darkly then proceeded to escape again.
“Elias…”
“What?” He spun so quickly that I almost stumbled backward.
“Are you going to tell me what is going on? What happened tonight? Do you know Allen?” His eyes darkened.
“I don’t fucking know him. What I know is he said some foul shit to and about you.”
“I agree, but your reaction. Was it because of him or…”
Because of the disorder.
“Cress, leave it alone,” he warned harshly.
“Leave it alone? I can’t. I’m confused and need to know what the hell happened. I need to know if it will happen again. I’m going to be your wife, Elias.”
“Not anymore. This isn’t a good idea.”
I felt as if someone had just slapped me in the face. “What do you mean not anymore? You’ve changed your mind?”
Why did I care? After tonight, I should be grateful. This man was a vast contradiction. One minute he was sweet and flirty and the next he was flying off the rails in full attack mode.
“You should be the one who changed their mind. What happened tonight is a part of who I am and I can’t guarantee that it won’t happen again. If anything I can guarantee that it will. Do you really want a husband that’s unpredictable?”
“I really don’t understand what’s happening and I’m trying to. Iwantto.”
“You’ll never fully understand. It fucked with my head. It will always be a part of who I am. It will always be my struggle. I’m not changing my mind about this marriage but you need to changeyours.”
“Well I’m not.” I folded my arms across my chest and lifted my chin defiantly. I watched him, he watched me, his face traveling through a cocktail of emotions.
“Cress…”
“Don’t waste your time trying to warn me that this is a bad idea and stop trying to make it sound dark and scary because you want to scare me into changing my mind. If you want to be a pussy and take the easy route by forcing me to be the one to end this then you can stop now. I won’t let you. If you want out, then it’s going to have to be your decision. Not mine. So what’s it going to be? Pussy or a man, Elias.”
I could see him warring and eventually he dropped his eyes and leveled his face with the floor to hide the smile that surfaced.
