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I push so much sadness away and spend the next week digging into my schoolwork. Samantha leaves every morning for her in-person classes at NYU, and I’m left alone in this loft. There’s no reason to go anywhere. Every time I peek out the window, I see Connor’s car, or someone else’s, double-parked, watching over me. All while my phone stays deadly silent.
Not even Shea calls me. Or Clara. Which hurts.
Were they all faking how they felt about me?
That afternoon, Sam comes home. I’m sitting on her living room sofa with my laptop, and her Rottweiler named Peaches, who can’t get close enough to me. I always wanted a dog, but my father always said no.
“Are you feeling okay?” Sam drops her schoolbag on the end of the sofa, and her face contorts.
I look up. “Yeah, why?”
“Peaches always cuddles like that when I’m depressed.”
“I’m not depressed,” I say, even though I have no clue what this is. It feels more like grieving. “And why in the world wouldyoube depressed?”
“You think my life is so free and easy?”
“I’m sorry. I’m just still out of it.”
“It’s okay.” She hugs me. “Later, there’s another episode of that sexy romance series streaming. Want to watch it and stuff our faces with that gelato my mama sent over?”
“Sounds great.” I stroke the dog’s silky coat, loving the warmth.
Fall is really in full swing, and it gets colder and darker every day. Like my life.
I finish my schoolwork, and when the sun goes down, Sam mixes up two heaping gelato sundaes. I didn’t bother with toppings. My tears dribble the top of my two scoops of chocolate hazelnut. The scene is definitely depressing. It’s Saturday night. We’re young, hot daughters with rich fathers. Yet, we’re watching some other chick get the guy while snuggling with a dog. I would have been with Kieran at the Fashion Week fundraiser tonight. I think of him there alone.
Or worse…
With someone else.
As if on cue, the boyfriend lays his girlfriend out on the couch and buries his head between her legs. I wonder if the sex is real.
My chest caves in, and the tears come on stronger now.
“Why are you crying, Iz?”
Sniffing, I point. “That’s the way Kieran went at me. He was so powerful in bed.” Or in the library, the bathtub, the shower, his limo.
“Oh, Iz.” Sam pulls me in for a hug.
“I thought he loved me. All those times he defended our marriage and made me sleep in his bed every night.” I drag in a breath. “I got through to him. I saw the difference in his eyes.”
“You had to give him time.”
“People can fall in love in three months. What happened to love at first sight?”
“That’s an old myth when the world wasn’t so complicated.” Sam sits back and strokes Peaches, who looks like she’s smiling. “Now, it’s lust at first sight.”
We had lust all right, but I don’t voice that. “He said he’dneverlove me,” I whisper my greatest shame.
Sam studies me. “Men don’t like being put on the spot.”
“Then he should have said that. It doesn’t matter. He let me go.” I hate that I expected he’d come to grovel by now.
I’m really surprised that neither my father nor his bodyguards have shown up to drag me home. I’ll have to call him eventually. I can’t live off Samantha forever. I know Kieran tore up the prenup, but that was more symbolic. I don’t want anything from him. Just his love.
Shaking my head, I vow to stay single. I put my marriage on the line by taking the birth control pills. I’m tempted to throw the few I have left out the window. No point in taking them anymore. Bring on the bad cramps.
