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Otto tutted me. “It’s all about appearances, Lorelei. “You must learn to play the game.”
“I’ve been to enough funerals, Otto. Zero stars. Do not recommend.” I was too young to remember my parents’ funeral very well. My grandmother’s had been sad, but I still had Pops then. He and I had greeted the mourners together, like the team we always were. He’d explained what to say when people approached me to offer their condolences, but he never told me what to feel. He let me express my emotions when I was ready and didn’t judge them. His death had hit me the hardest. Pops seemed like the type of man who might live forever, without any help from supernatural genes. His passing had gutted me. There’d been no funeral. I’d been too distraught, and no other family members remained to take control of the situation.
A light bulb turned on in my mind. I looked at Otto. “Ray’s right. I think it is guilt.”
“The reason you don’t want to attend Diamond’s funeral?”
“No, the reason I wanted to host one for Bruce Huang. I feel guilty over not giving Pops the funeral he deserved.” Combine that with a dash of guilt over Bruce’s death and it made sense.
“Why didn’t you hold a funeral for your grandfather?”
“I was a kid, and I was alone. I felt lost without him. There was no time to grieve. I went straight into the foster system.” It had been a lot to deal with; I wasn’t convinced I ever fully had.
Otto nodded slowly. “I understand. Thank you for sharing that.”
I pressed my lips together. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“You know what. I made a passing comment. No need to act like I unlocked an emotional achievement.”
He cocked his head. “Why not? Why not celebrate the small wins?”
“Because that’s not who you are. You’re a curmudgeon. A grump. That’s why I like coming here.”
“Because I won’t get too personal?”
“Yes.”
As soon as the word left my mouth, I realized that wasn’t strictly true. Otto was curious and asked a lot of questions. It was more that I didn’t feel compelled to answer any of them because I didn’t care enough about the relationship to indulge him. That truth was too uncomfortable to admit out loud. I’d been using the unpleasant vampire to stave off loneliness, which was an odd realization considering my resident ghosts. But Nana Pratt and Ray dwelled in my home. It made sense to keep them at a distance because they invaded my sanctuary. With Otto, I could come and go as I pleased. Share as I pleased, or not. I suddenly felt terrible and unworthy of the kindness and generosity he’d shown me.
“Forgive me,” Otto said. “I’ll stick to complaints and refrain from compliments from now on.” He seemed mildly hurt, but I couldn’t bring myself to apologize. I came here to ask questions, not answer them. Playing chess was the price I paid, not emotional intimacy.
“You should join a dating app,” I said.
The vampire snorted with laughter. “Dating apps are not designed for someone like me. I’d rather meet someone the old-fashioned way.”
“That would require leaving the house.”
“I’m working on that.”
I looked at him in surprise. “Really?”
“By working on it, I mean I think about it on occasion. Then I have a drink or play the piano.”
“You’ve had relationships before. You know it’s possible. Why not get out there and try again?”
He gave me a look of chastisement. “I thought we weren’t talking about personal details.”
“It’s fine when I’m not the subject.”
His mouth split in a grin, showing a glimpse of his fangs. “A self-admitted hypocrite. How refreshing.” He moved another chess piece. “You’ve been out and about far more than I have lately. Have you met anyone that might appeal to me?”
And suddenly I knew just who Otto should meet. “How do you feel about redheaded fae?”
“That’s very specific.”
“She isn’t local, but she visits Fairhaven when she’s in the area. Her name is Sami. She’s a pilot. Loves music.”
