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“Yes,” she’d said quietly. “I know.”
He’d held her hand in his, turning over her palm, gently stroking her fingers and reminding her that they were a team, not on opposite sides as she’d sometimes felt. If Matthew had a genuine desire to go for this job, she needed to hear him out… even if her initial instinct had been to clap her hands over her ears.
“Maybe I should have told you from the beginning,” he’d said quietly. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t, especially if you feel that I should have. I genuinely didn’t want to stress you out. That was the only reason, I promise.”
“I know.” She couldn’t blame him for not telling her, Ellie had acknowledged. Matthew knew how her mind worked—usually around a million miles per hour. If he had mentioned a job, she would have been imagining them already over there, and then fretted about the children and schools and whether she could make new friends athirdtime. As she’d already been doing, actually, since he’d told her.
“If this isn’t something you can get on board with,” Matthew had stated, “and maybe you need to think about it for a bit, I want you to know I’m willing to let it go.” His gaze had turned both tender and earnest as he squeezed her hand. “I mean it, Ellie. I let my redundancy drive us apart for a little while, and that is a huge regret for me.”
“Oh, Matthew—” She’d shaken her head, not wanting to revisit those bleak times, yet knowing he was right. Ithaddriven them apart, briefly at least, but they’d found their way back to each other, and that was what was important.
“I mean it,” he insisted, “I’m not about to make the same mistake twice. Yes, I’m excited about this job. I’ll be honest and admit that. But it’s not my everything. It doesn’t need to be, and I don’t want to up and move if it’s not the right thing for you and the kids, as well as for me.”
And yet, Ellie had thought, he’d spoken as if itwasthe right thing for him. As if he already knew that.
She’d sighed and risen from the bed, reaching for a stack of folded laundry, and putting it away simply because she’d needed something to do. She’d ached with tiredness, from working all hours on the inn’s Christmas plans, and also because Ava had been wetting the bed more nights than not. Ellie hadn’t known what was going on with her youngest child, but she’d planned on making an appointment with the GP just in case.
“I don’t know whether it is or not,” she’d told him as she’d moved around the room, opening and closing drawers as she put clothes away. “It’s a lot to take in. But…” She’d turned to face him, her arms now empty. “Are you not happy here, Matt?”
“Iamhappy here,” he’d protested, and then given a slight grimace. “But it doesn’t always feel like… enough. When the inn’s full it’s great, there’s lots to do, and I like being busy. And if we had more money for the kind of projects I’d envisioned—a swimming hole, an art studio in one of the barns—then maybe I’d feel a bit more… invigorated. But, as it is, it feels as if we’re just scraping by, lurching from one day to the next, barely making ends meet.”
“Yet you were the one who said most operations like this don’t have much in the bank!” The words had burst out of her, almost of their own accord, like an accusation.
“That’s true,” Matthew had replied, back to using his reasonable voice. “And I don’t mind keeping things close to the bone, if need be. I just want to see a future here.”
“And you don’t think there’s a future for the inn?” She’d heard how despondent she’d sounded. She’d wondered if he was right.
“I don’t know,” Matthew had admitted quietly.
Ellie had taken a deep breath, let it out slowly. “Okay,” she’d said, thinking through it as she formed the words. “Okay. I will seriously consider this job opportunity for you, but I want you to do the same for me.”
“What—”
“I want you to put yourwhole heartinto this Christmas week,” Ellie had continued staunchly. “I know you’ve been working on it, Matthew, but you haven’t put your heart into it, have you? Be honest about that.”
He’d hesitated, looking as if he wanted to argue the point, but then with a small, apologetic smile, he’d nodded. “All right. That’s fair, I suppose.”
“So, we give this all we’ve got,” Ellie had continued, “and see if we can make this Christmas week work, if it gives the inn the boost it needs. And if it doesn’t… well, then, we go out with a bang and we look at what New York has to offer.”
He’d smiled, rising from the bed, and walking over to enfold her in his arms.
“Deal,” he’d said softly, and Ellie had hugged him back, grateful they’d worked it out, that they were still on the same side, after all.
Since then, Matthew had had another interview—on the same day as the photo shoot—and it had, according to him, gone well. He was still waiting to hear about whether he’d be asked to visit New York, and until he did, Ellie had resolved not to fret or even think about it. There was enough to be getting on with.
Unfortunately, her mind kept wandering to the what-ifs anyway.
With a frustrated sigh, she clicked on refresh again. This time there was a new email in the inn’s business inbox—from Susannah Ellington. Ellie’s breath caught in her throat as she clicked to open the message.
Dear Ellie,
Wanted to give you a sneak peek of the article! Hope it brings you lots of bookings.
–S
That sounded promising, Ellie thought, her stomach tightening with nerves as she waited for the PDF of the article to load.
Then it did, and her breath came out in a surprised—and pleased—rush. The photos looked really good, she acknowledged with a ripple of pleasure. The roaring fire, the Christmas tree, even her silly throw pillows! It created a homely vision of what Christmas could be. She could almost picture a guest relaxing on the sofa with a glass of mulled wine and a mince pie, Christmas carols playing, lights twinkling on the tree…
