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“I liked the guy,” he’d told Ellie, “but it still felt weird. I know I need to get over that—”
“Yes,” Ellie had interrupted him. “You do.”
Matthew had let out an embarrassed laugh as he’d given her a shamefaced smile. “All right, all right. I get it. My mum is allowed to date. I know she is.”
But Gwenwasn’tdating John, as far as Ellie knew. Was she sad about it—sadder than she’d let on?
Cautiously, Ellie came into the kitchen, only to stop in surprise when she saw who was seated at the table, her head in her hands.
“Sarah…!” The name escaped her in something close to a gasp as her sister-in-law raised her head from her hands, blinking back tears.
“Sorry…” Sarah mumbled, wiping her eyes, and Ellie sprang into action.
“No, no. I was just surprised to see you here. Your car’s not in the drive—”
“I walked from the stables.”
“The stables?” Ellie stared at her in surprise and concern. “Where Mairi keeps her horse? But that’s miles away.”
“About three,” Sarah agreed on a sniff. “I just needed a walk to clear my head.”
“I think this requires a cup of tea,” Ellie declared. “Or maybe even two.” She’d never, ever seen her sister-in-law looking so distraught.
“The ultimate panacea,” Sarah noted with an attempt at dryness. “Although this time I’m afraid a cup of tea isn’t going to make me feel much better, Ellie, but you’re welcome to make one.”
“Well, maybe talking will,” Ellie suggested hesitantly. She filled the kettle at the sink and switched it on. “That can often help, I find.” Although she wasn’t entirely sure it would help in Sarah’s case. While she certainly got along far better with her sister-in-law than she had when she’d first moved to Llandrigg, there was a restraint and remoteness to Sarah that still intimidated Ellie, and put her off sharing confidences, but right now, she acknowledged, Sarah didn’t seem restrained or remote at all. She just seemed sad. “What’s going on?” Ellie asked gently, and Sarah let out a long, raggedy sigh.
“In a nutshell?” She gazed at the ceiling as if looking for answers there, or maybe just to keep from crying. “Nathan’s moved out.”
“Oh…” Ellie’s breath came out in a rush. This she had not expected. Yes, she’d been aware that Nathan had not been as present as he used to be, and she’d even wondered if there was some tension between Sarah and her husband, but…moved out? That sounded terribly serious. “I’m so sorry,” she said, a bit belatedly, and Sarah twitched her shoulders in the semblance of a shrug. “Did he…” She felt her way through the words, not wanting to be insensitive with her questions. “Did he give you a reason?”
“Not really. Not one I care to accept, anyway.”
The kettle switched off, and Ellie busied herself making tea, wondering how to handle this news. Sarah didn’t seem particularly forthcoming, but she’d been in tears, and she’d come to the inn, so maybe Ellie needed to press a little harder.
“Here you go,” she said, putting a cup of tea in front of Sarah. “And a little chocolate wouldn’t go amiss either, I think.” She reached for the big, battered cake tin that Gwen kept all her creations in, and was rewarded with the sight of a pile of fudgy brownies. She took two out and put them on plates, giving one to Sarah before she sat down opposite her with her own tea and brownie. “Do you want to talk about it?” she asked.
Sarah crumbled a bit of brownie between her fingers, her head bent so Ellie couldn’t see her expression.
“He said he was tired,” she admitted after a moment, her voice low. “Tired of work, of life, and of… of me.” A sigh escaped her. “And do you know what? I’m not sure I entirely blame him. Lately,I’vebeen tired of me.”
Ellie blinked, absorbing this. “Tired of you… how so?” she asked cautiously.
“Oh, just who I am.” Sarah shrugged restively and then popped a big chunk of brownie into her mouth. She looked at Ellie directly, a surprising blaze of feeling firing her blue eyes. She swallowed and then asked, “Don’t you ever get tired of yourself, of who you are, how you act, the way you come across to other people? Don’t you ever just want to… I don’t know, give yourself a good shake, or even a slap?”
“Er…” Ellie had no idea how to answer this.
“I don’t actually mean you,” Sarah continued impatiently, sounding more like her usual, assertive self. “I’m talking about me. I’mtired. I’m annoyed with myself, how I’ve been, and I don’t want to be that way any longer. Maybe Nathan felt the same way.”
“What has annoyed you?” Ellie asked after a second. She didn’t know whether to ask about Nathan or not. “About yourself, I mean?”
“Everything.” Sarah shook her head and then took another bite of brownie. “Well, not everything,” she conceded. “I’m not that much of a sad sack, I hope. But just how… pushy I’ve been. An insufferable know-it-all, more or less—and don’t pretend you haven’t thought the same!” She gave Ellie a pointed look and she smiled weakly in return.
“Well…”
“I know you have. Everyone has. It’s not a secret, Ellie. At least not much of one.” Sarah propped her head in her hand. “It’s not just that, though, or maybe it’smorethan that. It’s what I thought was important, what I valued. What I told and taught my children to value.” Her voice choked a little before she evened it out. “That’s what I’m starting to question.”
“Okay.” That, perhaps, was no bad thing—not that Ellie intended to say as much just now. “And Nathan…?” she asked cautiously.
