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“Because you were meant to be heartless, easy to hate, my undeniable enemy and you’re none of those things.” I continued looking down at my feet.
“Are you telling me you don’t hate me?” she asked, her own voice sounding husky with emotion now.
“I don’t. I wish I could… but I can’t.” I admitted. It was perhaps the greatest understatement I could make, but it was all I could admit to right now.
“I know exactly what you mean.” She said softly, making no further move to touch me.
"Stop. Please. Just… stop being nice to me. I don’t deserve it.” I plead, my voice cracking at the end.
“You think that’s why I’m nice to you? Because you deserve it?”
“I used to think it was part of a plan, but now it just feels cruel, like you know you’re tearing me apart with it.” I admit again.
“Oh, Nettle. Can you think of no other reason I might want to give you nice things other than to manipulate you?” Her voice is full of pity, and I hate that I can think of no response to refute it. So, I stay silent.
“I’m going to tell you something, but I relieve you from your obligation to answer it with an equal truth. I want you to know I mean this, there is no ulterior motive other than I think you need to know it.”
She waits for me to nod before continuing.
“I have been fighting this war for decades, read hundreds if not thousands of minds and yet I have never felt any so selfless and compassionate as yours. I may not know fully who you are but I do know this; if you gave even a fraction of the love and sacrifice, you give to those you care for, you would be unstoppable. It is only your reluctance to embrace your own power that keeps you feeling powerless.” She spoke with such certainty, and it stirred something in me, some forgotten untouched part of my soul.
“I don’t know how to do that” I admitted softly. I had never been one to find solutions or make plans. I was a soldier, best at following commands and leading others to do the same. Yet now, with my God nowhere to be found, I was left with a command that would put the people I loved most in jeopardy. Despite the thousands of eyewitnesses, and the word of my God, I was struggling to believe she was the cause or solution to the curse. If only she was the villain I’d believed her to be, this would be easy. My confidence would still be intact, her ashes would be in my satchel, and I would feel none of these troubling emotions that were dividing me in two.
“Fear not fair maidens, refreshment and entertainment have arrived!” Ravensford boomed as he reappeared. Silver tray in hand, filled with a variety of fruit, cheese and cured meats as well as a glass of what looked to be a very expensive vintage.
“Thank you, Baby” Mara said, returning to the bed and patting the spot next to her. He slid the tray closer, before beginning to strip. I looked away, striding to the end of the bed where I could focus on the tray instead. Stuffing my face with the cheese and meat, I threw etiquette out the door. I’d not eaten near enough for the physical and mental strain of the day, and as it was all meant for me either way. I felt no guilt as I put the bulk of it in my mouth. Swallowing the last of it with a sigh I poured myself a full glass of wine before chugging that down too. Perhaps that would soothe my aching soul. Leaning back against the frame I closed my eyes to pretend I was back in my own tower. The person on the bed was simply Celia, about to challenge me to a game of cards while telling me the latest gossip of the court. I would smile and pretend I felt nothing but the type of love she had for me, all the while soaking in every scrap of attention she’d send my way. It wasn’t perfect, but it was comfortable. Predictable. Everything that this situation was not.
“So Nettle, shall we make good on your bargain? I’m feeling quite parched.” Mara said with an audible smack of her lips.Her teasing tone was a welcome distraction from the heaviness from earlier.
“For blood or more answers?” I asked, closing my eyes again while holding out my arm for her to take.
“Both of course, I strongly dislike being made to choose between two things I love equally.” She said, grinning against my wrist before sinking her teeth into the tender flesh there. It should have hurt; it should have felt like a betrayal of self or an act of violence. But it was the opposite. I loved it. I loved the feel of her lips and breath skittering across my arm. Loved the groans she emitted with each pull, the liquid bliss of her venom emptying into my being. Loved the high of feeling my constant tension leaving my muscles and my mind shutting off to enjoy what my instincts were screaming at me to believe and indulge. I was panting shallowly by the time she pulled away, desperate to do something, anything that would satisfy the pleasure that already hummed through me.
When I opened my eyes, I saw The Captain had left, and it was only Mara kneeling on the bed beside me. Mara. It was such a beautiful name, it seemed to call to me like an answer to a question I’d never fully formed. Why did that cause me pain? I took in her shadow-soaked form, her skin almost glowing in the flicker of the orbs. She looked like the Moon, soft and bright, gold and silver, framed by her hair and shadows that were both the soothing black of night.
Light splashing from the bathing chamber registered slowly as the Captain’s new location. But it couldn’t quite break the spell of my need this time. Perhaps it was the venom, or the wine, or the release of emotions. But it felt as if I was starting to see her clearer already, like the Keepers said, she was a light in the night, and she’d just newly restored my sight. Or maybe, it was the vulnerable need present in the Mistress’s gaze that had me believing that this was more than venom and she felt the impossible draw as well.
“Nettle?” She whispered, her voice husky from emotion or feeding.
“Yes?” I barely dared to breathe, worried that I’d break the spell and plunge myself back into doubt.
“A truth for a truth?” She whispered, licking a bit of blood that lingered on her lips.
“Okay, you go first,” I say, unsure of what I’d admit beyond the annoyance at my growing need for her, and the headaches they caused.
“I know you want me, and I want you too,” she admitted. I stopped breathing, waiting for the mark to burn, but it didn’t.
“I do want you, but I…” I cut off, broken. It wasn’t supposed to be like this, I was supposed to make her fall for me without feeling anything. Instead she was irresistible. And despite our recent argument she wanted me just as much as I impossibly wanted her.
“Let me help you, please.” She pleaded reaching toward me, as if she could sense my desperation to find comfort, or maybe just release.
“I don’t… I haven’t ever, I can’t…” I stumble backwards away from the bed frame, unsure whether I’m trying to convey my lack of experience or my inability to commit to this.
“It’s okay little slayer, let me take care of you. No bargains or bonds needed. Just for tonight. Let me show you what it feels like to be taken care of, to be pampered like the pet I know you want to be.” She said, bending forward off the bed so she was in the position I’d seen the Captain in the night before, but wanting me. Maybe it was just physical, maybe I could get her out of my system if I still needed to move forward, but what if crossing this line made it all the harder to know what was true?
“Just for tonight” I repeated, tasting the freedom those words offered before looking up at her in surprise.
When I hesitated, she sent a leash to attach to my collar. My eyebrows rose, but I didn’t protest as she reeled me in slowly. It woke the fire from the night before, and I couldn’t help but enjoy seeing my own ramping desire reflected in her face. I tried to mimic her moves as I crawled onto the bed. Once I was close enough, she jerked the leash until I was kneeling with her, our bodies inches apart. I breathed heavily, wondering if she would be commanding me the way she had Ravensford, or if she was waiting for me to make the first move and prove I wanted this. Our breaths mixed as we stared at each other, our pupils dilated so only the smallest ring of color remained.
