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His thoughts floating through my mind even sounded devastated as his lips brushed my neck. "This...this is bliss. Valhalla."
His fangs elongated and he latched onto the spot where my shoulder met my neck, his long growl vibrating against my back as he came with a muffled roar. As he drank from me, he offered me his wrist. Without hesitation, my fangs dropped and sank into his skin. As the circuit completed, it was if an explosion detonated inside of me. We were joined in every way possible: mind, body and blood. We were no longer two separate beings. We were truly one in blood. Nothing could separate us, the bond unbreakable and complete.
Stefan stilled me by wrapping his arms all the way around me, breathing heavily into my neck. "You will be the death of me," he teased in a whisper, smiling when I huffed a breathless laugh at the old joke. "Come, vackra. Tell me how you are feeling.”
Without moving from his lap, I turned my head to nuzzle his strong jaw with my lips. "Like it’ll never be enough. I just want to stay here and close us off from the rest of the world. Or even run away and just disappear. Is that wrong?”
He chuckled against me. He rubbed his lightly stubbled cheek against the top of my head. “No, it is never wrong to feel this way. With us, I think it is to be expected. I am not ready to let the real world back in either. Soon, there are things we must discuss.”
My brow wrinkled as I sorted through my memories to focus on the night I changed. Many of my recollections of that night were fuzzy, distorted as if I was staring through a dirty window. Bits and pieces of thoughts floated through my mind. If I could get a headache, I'd have one now. I could feel his presence in my mind, gauging my reactions. Sympathy flooded our bond, letting me know he understood what it was like to be so overwhelmed by memories and sensations.
"Is it always like this?" I rubbed my forehead with the palm of my hand as if that motion would ease my troubled mind.
"Yes. Human memories will always be difficult to remember and recall." Stefan answered simply. His lips drifted over my temple. "Tell me your last vivid memory."
My eyes closed and I drew in a sharp breath. When I exhaled, it caught in my chest. "It was of you. You cried in my arms. I was changing and you kept saying you didn't want it this way. You were sorry…and you’d almost died." A harsh series of sobs shook my shoulders. “You almost died…I thought I’d lost you forever. And then you thought you might lose me.”
His blue eyes had glazed over, deep in thought. When they focused back on me, I could see the pain of the memory flash through his mind. It was crystal clear, like watching a movie. It drew me in, wanting to see my final human moments from his mind.
Tumbling into the memory, I watched myself collapse against him, hugging his shoulders and brushing my lips across neck. I could vaguely remember feeling the uncontrollable urge to bite him, intent on possessing him in every way. His skin ripped open under my teeth, his thick blood rushing into my mouth. He’d stiffened and pulsed again inside me again, bellowing out my name as I swallowed greedy mouthfuls of his blood. The wound began to heal and I’d kissed his neck with bloody kisses. His hands wound in my hair, pulling my head back slightly. A drop of his blood fell from my lips into the water, sinking to the bottom of the tub in a lazy ribbon of red.
"You are exquisite." He released my hair and ran his hands soothingly over my back. " Min gudinna. Min vän. Min älskare."
With those words, he’d crashed his mouth to my lips, wrapping his arms around my waist. I didn't hold anything back from him, returning his kiss like it was the sustenance I had been missing for months instead of hours.
As our frantic kiss continued, his blood pushed itself through my veins, forcing itself into every crevice of my body. I could feel it like it was its own being, melding with my own blood, changing me. My sluggish heart thumped frantically and my body stiffened against him.
His sharp eyes had immediately known something wasn’t right. His panic was still strong, even in the memory.
“Josephine!” Stefan had bellowed. He had us both out of the bathtub and had me wrapped in a towel in a blur of motion. He cradled me to him on the bed. “Talk to me. What is happening?”
My hands clutched at his forearms, my nails sinking into his flesh. My heart continued to beat out its frantic pace, my body seizing and pushing against him. I watched my own eyes lose focus and struggle to stay in the present with him.
“I- I’m changing,” I stuttered. My green eyes stared blankly into his. “I’m changing to be with you. You wanted me to take your life when you were human. Now you’ve given me yours.”
“Vackra, I did not want it to happen this way. Not like this, not now.” Stefan’s head fell against my breasts. His tears soaked my naked skin as he held me and sobbed.
“Wait for me. We will truly be equal soon,” I uttered weakly, shaking against him. It was as if my heart was fighting the last of the battle for me. It pounded out an impossibly fast rhythm until finally, it pulsed a few final erratic beats until it sputtered and my heart ceased to beat.
My exhausted body could take no more. I went slack in his arms with the knowledge that when I awoke, nothing could tear us apart.
His voice was soft and filled with sadness and it brought me back to the present. "I never wanted to change you against your will. I should have ceased the blood exchanges. I let my feelings and emotions cloud my decisions and you paid the price for my carelessness."
My fingers gripped both sides of his face, forcing him to meet my stare. "I was already changing. We both knew it was happening. It was inevitable. I want to be with you as an equal in every way. Now there's nothing to take me from you. I'm yours in every way. And if what we just did was any indication, you've been holding back."
His thoughts turned dark and sensual as I mentioned being his in every way. I’d chosen those words carefully, knowing that it would appeal to his possessive nature. His tongue licked across his lower lip as he considered the benefits of my now unbreakable body. His lust rushed over me, hitting me like a sledgehammer.
"I was helpless, vackra. Your words haunted me. You told me that you were dying to be with me." Stefan shuddered as he recalled my final human moments. "You reminded me of words I spoke almost 1,000 years ago. There is much for us to find out."
I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders and peppered wet kisses down his neck. "Only if you promise me that you won’t blame yourself for any of this, Stefan. I can’t live an eternity with your guilt between us. And I don’t want you to either.”
His lips found my forehead and his eyes averted mine. His thoughts were heavily guarded, as I sat wrapped in his arms. “Stefan, I’m serious about this. You have to let this go or this…this weirdness,” I gestured between us. “It will always be here. We knew I’d change. If I remember correctly, I bit you. I drank from you. So if you’re going to blame anyone, blame me.”
Honestly, I was starting to get irritated with his self-pity. It was unlike Stefan to let anything bother him the way my change was disturbing him.
“I do not regret that you have made the change. I only regret that it has made you more of a target.”
I was confused. “No one has to know. At least for the time being. There really isn’t a Council left to worry about.”
