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Bonfires, sunrises, tattoos, smiles, laughs… kisses… deep brown eyes…
Dax Silver has fucked up my head so much it no longer feels like my own.
And it just confirms to me that I was never in love with Gareth all those years ago. Because all I felt after we broke up was hurt and humiliation. But since being parted from Dax, I also feel an indescribable loss. Loss for what could have been. And I know that he could do anything, literally anything to me, however awful, and a part of me would still feel like it has died without him. A part of me would still want to forgive him and be with him.
Because everything makes more sense with him around.
I feel like me; the me I’m supposed to be.
But he’s not here asking for forgiveness. So I’ll never know which part of me would win. That part, or the part that curses his name every time another balloon arrives.
“Rose?” Harley calls as she walks up the stairs toward me. She’s come to meet me so we can go to Manhattan today for another wedding dress fitting.
“Hey.” My stomach sinks as she appears, holding another brown box.
“Oh, wow.” She looks behind me into my room. “They’ve taken over.”
I shrug. She’s right. The ceiling of my bedroom is no longer visible.
I take the box from her to leave on my bed until later, but the sound of something scraping around inside it takes me by surprise.
“I know. I noticed it making that noise. What do you think is in it?” Harley looks at the box as I put it down on the floor.
“I don’t know,” I mumble, grabbing some scissors. “Maybe some firewood for me to start a bonfire with and burn all the photographs he’s sent me.”
“Rose!” Harley’s eyes pop wide. She’s such a romantic. If I wasn’t joking, then I know she would save every photo and refuse to let me have them. She still likes Dax, I can tell. She still hopes things will work out. But any hope I had has slipped further away with each day.
I remove the lid of the box and a balloon floats out like usual. But this time it stops a little outside the box, weighted down by the photograph, and a key tied to the ribbon.
“It’s silver,” Harley gasps, looking at the balloon.
I snap my eyes away from the key and to the balloon as Harley pokes it with a finger. The whole thing shimmers, and I squint my eyes to study it.
It’s full of silver glitter.
“Why’s it different?”
“I don’t know.” I look at Harley and then at the photograph of another sunrise.
Sunrise number ninety without you. I’ve watched them all. And soon I’ll have watched more pass by without you than I spent with you. I want to explain. I want you to understand why I wasn’t honest with you about New York. It’s time you knew everything… because I’ve been missing you. Every day. Every minute. Every second. For infinity. You are everything to me, Sunbeam.
A vibration rips through me, causing my fingers to shake. I drop the photograph back into the box and there’s a dull thudas the key hits the cardboard base.
Sunbeam.
It’s the first time he’s called me it since I left.
“It’s got a tag,” Harley says as she fishes the key out of the box and detaches it from the ribbon. The balloon flies up to the ceiling without the added weight and nestles itself between two white ones.
A silver lining in a cloud.
He sent me a silver lining.
“You bastard,” I whisper, my eyes glued to the glittering silver contents of the balloon. “You complicated, selfish…beautifulbastard.”
“You okay?” Harley wraps an arm around my shoulders, and instead of tensing, I sink into her and squeeze my eyes shut. But even the backs of my eyelids are shimmering like fucking silver particles.
Why is he doing this? It’s been three months. And now he’s decided it’s convenient for him to finally tell me the truth? Send some cryptic message and a key like this is a treasure hunt and not my life.
