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She flinches, pain flashing in her eyes as though the sound of my voice is cutting her as deep as hers is doing to me. Then she steps backward, creating more distance between us.
Her lips flatten into a grim line as she meets my eyes.
She doesn’t need to answer. I know she wouldn’t be. It’s in her silence. If she knew I was coming, she wouldn’t have been here. She would have kept herself far, far away from me. Just like I should have done with her when we first met.
Kept her safe.
But then I’d never have felt the warmth of her shining on my stained soul. And the selfish part of me would never want to let that go once I felt it.
She is everything.
Just like I told her.
Rose Jacobs came into my world and set it spinning again. I’d been stuck. Banished to the shadows. Dark motives for a darkened soul. But she came and spun it back around to face the sun.
And I’ve never fucking wanted to be a good person so much in my life. To be worthy. Worthy of her.
“And I would deserve that,” I say. “If you hadn’t been here. I would deserve you never wanting to see me again. Never being close enough to see the way the sun makes your hair shine like gold, the way your pupils dilate when you’re excited. The way your lips part the tiniest bit before you take a deep breath. I would deserve never to be close enough to smell your beauty—vanilla and fucking petals,” I whisper. “I would deserve all of it.”
Her eyes drop to my neck and my tattoo. I’m fighting back every urge and instinct that’s telling me to reach out for her. To pull her into my arms and crush her to me so she can’t get away.
But I can’t. If she wants to listen to me, then it must be on her terms. I know that.
And so does she.
“But I would still have found you. Wherever you went. I would never have given up until I’d found you.”
“So you could lie to me again?” She draws her eyes up from my neck to meet mine. “Would you have searched for Rose Jacobs? Or Dawn East?”
“Sunbeam—”
“Don’t. Don’t call me that.Don’t ever fucking call me that!” Her voice cracks as she blinks rapidly. “You don’t get to walk back into my life after three months, Dax! You don’t get to come and think that you can say sorry—which you haven’t even fucking said yet, by the way—and what? I’ll forgive you? That I’ll swoon into your arms like some pathetic idiot? This isn’t some corny movie where the guy turns up ten minutes before the end and they kiss and make up and sail off into the sunset!”
“You don’t think I fucking know that?” I take a step toward her, but she bristles, wrapping her arms around herself. I move backward again, letting her have that distance between us, even though it physically hurts me to increase the gap and not close it.
“Are you still watching the horror movies?”
She glances away, then back at me, twisting her lips. Then she shrugs one shoulder. “Sometimes.”
I take the opportunity of her facing me to caress her face with my gaze. “You’re even more beautiful than I remember,” I say softly.
“Stop.” She drops her eyes from mine, turning her shoulder toward me, and takes a deep breath in through her nose as she stares across the front yard and out to the street.
I keep my eyes on her face. Small lines appear by her eyes as I speak, but she still doesn’t turn back to me.
“I am sorry. I am sofuckingsorry. Everything I did was to keep you safe.”
“All I can hear is what you want, Dax. What about what I want? Like being told the truth?”
“That’s why I’m here.”
“Three months too late!”
“I should have sent you away months ago. I should have known what he was capable of.” I can’t even bring myself to say his name.Him. My father. My own blood.“I should have protected you. That night. He was going to—”
“I know.” She rounds on me, her chest heaving. “I know what he might have done, okay? You don’t need to tell me about it. What you need to do is tell me why the fuck you used me to bring things into New York for you. You need to tell me why you lied about it. You need to tell me why you pushed me away, and why you waited three fucking months to come and see if I was okay. Three months to show even a hint that you care!”
“Rose.”
