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“You could have called me. I haven’t heard your voice for three months.I love your voice,” I choke out, loud enough for my voice to carry through the open window.
My eyes sting as I stare at the ceiling as a deep exhale floats up from the porch.
“Just hearing yours would have made me cave, Rose. I would have come for you and begged you to come back with me. I would have put you straight back in danger again. I couldn’t risk it. Not until the inside guy was found. I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you because of me.”
The porch sofa creaks below.
“I am sorry, Rose. I’ll say it until my tongue bleeds. I’ll tell you every day until you believe me. I did everything because I thought it was the right decision at the time. Not because I didn’t want to tell you the truth. Not because I wanted to shut you out or push you away. I did everything because I didn’t see any other way. I…” He curses low, but I still catch it. I still catch the emotion brimming in his words. “I promised you infinity. And I meant it. I will tell you I’m sorry for the rest of my life if that’s what it takes.”
I clamp my hand over my mouth to stifle my sob and turn onto my side, curling up into a fetal position.
We’ve never spent the night close together like this and not been wrapped up in each other’s arms. I would have my head resting on his chest, over his compass tattoo. I would be listening to his heartbeat as it calmed me to sleep.
But tonight, all I have is my cold pillow beneath my cheek and my duvet twisted into a creased mess.
And I have Dax… two stories below me. His heart seeming as heavy as mine.
I press my face into my pillow, not wanting him to hear my raggedy breath as I sob without tears.
Until eventually he says, “Good night, Rose.”
Chapter 42
Dax
“Dax?”
“Why aren’t you sleeping?”
“Why aren’t you?”
My heart cracks at her voice. It’s lost all its fight.My beautiful girl.
I rub my eyes with one hand. “I never sleep well since you left.”
“Neither do I.”
I stare up at the night sky and the stars as I wait for her to speak. Because I know there’s so much more she still wants to ask. I can feel it hanging in the air between us. Unspoken feelings. Unanswered questions.
Unparalleled hope.
“You remember the night you came back covered in blood?”
“The night you cleaned me up?” I smile at the memory of her exploring my skin with a gentle dusting of her fingertips as she told me she thought my tattoos were beautiful. But I saw deep inside her that night, to who Rose Jacobs really is. And she’s always been the beautiful one.
“Yeah.”
“Another member of Julian’s gang was going to bring attention on us by being a prick and stealing gear for himself. I couldn’t risk having more eyes on me and my small part in the operation. I just gave him a warning, that’s all. He’s fine.”
I flex my arms behind my head as I transfer my gaze to Rose’s window. Her bed must be right by it because I can hear her clearly. Knowing that she’s so close has my body fighting with my head. I could stand on the sofa. Maybe put the chair on top of it to make it higher and then grab the window frame and hoist myself up. Climb through it and get into bed with her, pull her into my arms where she belongs.
If she’s going to listen to me, it has to be on her time. I can’t force her, or I will lose her forever.
Maybe I already have.
“Who knows?”
I stare at her window, still imagining her lying on her bed, her long, blonde hair splayed across her pillow.
