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Shame had me lowering my head, and the hatred I’d felt for myself tried to resurface. It didn’t matter that I’d been fighting so hard to accept myself and my wolf. That horrendous day would always plague me.
“I’m sorry about that,” I whispered. There were never enough apologies for what I did back then. “I didn’t mean to go after him. It was my first shift, and I didn’t know what was happening to me. But he shouldn’t have touched me.”
Scoffing, Kyle’s eyes heated, but he sat back and got more comfortable in his seat, trying to show me he didn’t care as much as he did. “I’m not sorry. That asshole got what was coming to him. That prick was a jerk to you, and you put up with his gaslighting for too long. If you hadn’t mauled him as a monster, I’d have done it myself with my bare hands.”
Emotions warred inside me. The sentiment of his words touched me, but the fact that he’d called me a monster was a knife to my heart. I didn’t like hearing that, nor did my wolf. Especially now that I’d realized I wasn’t a monster but a shifter born into this world who didn’t naturally want to harm anyone. My wolf craved peace and acceptance, just like most humans did. Being able to shift didn’t make me a monster, a villain, or an abomination. It made me more. It was something I was grasping onto, thanks to Ridge and all the shifters of Blackwood Creek, and I was finally accepting it as the truth.
I wasn’t here for a trip down memory lane, though. I had to get some answers. I could see that getting reacquainted with each other was a waste of time. Kyle would never accept me for what I was, and I couldn’t keep trying to convince him. It’d be too exhausting and pointless.
“I’m not here to chitchat. I need to know if you heard anything about Mom and a shifter named Jaxon Hyde?”
“I heard a lot of things, but I don’t know what to believe anymore, and haven’t for a long time.”
There was a weariness in his voice, and I started to feel sad for him. There was no doubt in my mind that my brother had taken the full force of William’s intense, vengeful streak since I’d left. Knowing William, he was probably brutal to Kyle.
My brother’s peaceful childhood had ended the day our mother died, just like mine. I didn’t think I’d ever seen him struggle, not once, but now I felt sorry for him because he was a shell of the loving, happy-go-lucky brother I once knew. He was withdrawn and conflicted. There was a hardness to him that ate at me because that wasn’t his nature.
“Do you enjoy being one of them?” Kyle asked.
His question hit me out of left field and immediately put me on edge. It had to mean our brief moment of reconnecting was coming to an end, but there wasn’t anger in his voice or his posture; he seemed genuinely curious.
I wondered how to answer, but figured honesty was always best. I had nothing to hide, not anymore. Ridge had shown me that.
“I was terrified of what was inside me the entire time I was on the run,” I began. “So much so that I only shifted for the second time recently. My first shift, attacking my ex, made me so afraid, and after everything we were taught in training—the lies, the brainwashing—I became terrified of my own shadow. I didn’t want to be a monster. After all, that was what had been jammed down our throats. The thing is, though, my wolf isn’t a monster. She’s a part of me, and I’m a part of her. As long as I’m accepting her and maintaining balance with her, there’s no way I could be a monster.”
Every word I said was true, and peace settled over me. My wolf was content. For a long time, I’d needed to embrace her, and here I was, telling a hunter—my brother—that I wasn’t a monster and believing every word I said. It was freeing.
“If you could be rid of your wolf, wouldn’t you want to?”
Rid of my wolf? What the hell was he talking about?
I shook my head. He didn’t get it; he never could. “Who cares? I am what I am, and I’m not going to run from it anymore. I didn’t come here to discuss my choices or lack thereof with you. I wanted to find out about my past, and if you know anything about it, now would be the time to share it.”
Kyle locked his jaw for a split second, then loosened it while he rolled his tongue around as if contemplating what to do. Part of the strict oaths that hunters took when they pledged and became full-fledged hunters included not revealing sworn secrets. We both knew that if he broke and told me something he shouldn’t, he’d be banishing himself from our family’s hunter faction.
While we’d trained, Kyle had constantly bent the rules and asked too many questions. He’d never strayed from the path where our father was concerned, but he’d often told me things beforehand, which was a big no-no. Now that I was far removed from the situation, I wondered if that was proof of Kyle not really believing in the hunters’ mission to rid the world of shifters. If he wasn’t as on board as I’d thought. He wasn’t acting like a man fighting for the cause. He seemed to be going through the motions of what was expected of him.
A deafening silence fell over the room, and Kyle looked conflicted. I held out hope, because he wasn’t treating me like a monster in the way I’d expected. His concern for me wasn’t fake. I might not know my brother as well as I once had, but that wasn’t something I’d mistake.
“Okay, then answer me this. What happened to Zander?”
Kyle rolled his eyes. “Your fiancé already went for this line of questioning, so why don’t the two of you compare notes?” Shaking his head, he continued as if he were disappointed in me. “I don’t get you, Tori. Just because you have the same curse as these other shifters doesn’t mean you can’t find a normal human guy somewhere out there. You don’t need to be stuck with a bloodthirsty monster parading around as a rich, cocky, egotistical mayor. You could live a more normal life.”
The mention of Ridge and the way Kyle spoke about him instantly had my hackles up, and my wolf was ready to do some damage. There had been no hesitation, and my feral side was taking root. Stabbing pains and lightning bolts rocketed through my head as I battled tooth and nail with my wolf to calm down.
I slumped in my chair, holding my head to keep it from hitting the table. I was quick enough to get a hold of my wolf and started breathing through the chaos, but it didn’t stop my brother from shouting in alarm.
“Tori? Tori? You okay? Sheriff? Sheriff, get in here! Something’s wrong with Tori. Tori, are you okay?”
The exhaustion of my mental battle zapped my bones of any energy. I stared at my brother, my surprise at his reaction evident.
Clawson barreled into the room and put his arms around my shoulders. “Breathe, Tori. Calm down and breathe.”
I followed his instructions and breathed with him. After a few moments, I started seeing clearer. “I’m okay, Clawson. I caught it fast enough. It was just a lapse. I promise I’m okay.”
“You sure? Do I need to call Ridge?”
I shook my head. The last thing I needed was a worried alpha barging in here and having words with my brother for upsetting me. “No, please don’t call Ridge. I’m okay. I’m in control.”
