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“Ty…”
“No, don’t tell me I shouldn’t be angry and don’t tell me to let this shit go because she’s wrong. Why. The. Fuck. Would. She. Come. Here.”
“Because she’s selfish,” I stated calmly. Any other time I would have been raging just like my brother but that wasn’t what he needed. I had to balance him and that meant letting him feel whatever the fuck he was feeling.
“You’re damn right she’s selfish. She had no right.” He turned, glaring at me, fists clenched at his sides, muscles locked to the point of pain. I knew because I could feel that same pain. If it was his, it was mine.
“What do you need?”
He snorted and started pacing again. After a few minutes he walked to the space behind my desk and punched the wall several times. His fists crashed through the sheet rock with each blow, creating a hole that inched in size. He dropped his arms back to his sides and both hung loosely while his shoulders dropped. I watched his back expand and contract from the heavy breaths he inhaled and released.
“I need to not feel like I want answers that won’t change how angry I am or how hurt I feel or how fucking unworthy I feel each time I’m reminded that we were unwanted.”
“I can’t give you that.”
“I know.” He turned to face me, leaning against the wall, curling his arms up so his hands rested on his head and his forearms blocked his face.
“But neither can she.”
“I know that shit too,” he gritted but it wasn’t anger I heard. It was pain. She’d hurt him all those years ago and she hurt him again today. The reality made me want to hurt her, but I wouldn’t. She wasn’t worth it and being rejected today by us after all those years had done just that.We’d hurt her. It was a small victory and not worth much but it made me feel better.
“Ty…” I crossed the office but didn’t touch him.
“What?”
“You know that stuff you just said is bullshit right?”
He lowered his arms and hard eyes landed on me. “Yeah…” He exhaled his frustration. “I know but no matter how many times I replay that shit in my head, I still feel that way sometimes. That I’m not enough and I don’t like how that makes me feel.”
“But you like how the women you fill the void with make you feel?” I smirked at him and he chuckled, shaking his head.
“You’re not the therapist. I am. Leave that shit to the professionals.”
“When I say that you act all indignant and shit.”
“Indignant?” Ty smirked at me. “You girl must be smart and teaching you some shit.”
“Nigga, I know what the fuck indignant means and not because she told me.”
Tynan smiled wider. “I’ll have to take your word for it.”
My expression softened a little and I searched his face. The pain still existed, hovering below the smile, and I fucking hated she had the ability to cause so much damage. “You gonna be alright?”
“Yeah nigga, damn. I have the right to get upset but that don’t mean the world is gonna end. Are you good?”
He wasn’t good but he also didn’t want me to worry.
“I’m straight.”
“Aight then, let me go introduce myself to your lady so she can decide whether or not she wants to stick with you or upgrade.”
I laughed, shaking my head. “You can try but she’s already been in my bed and on my face. Ain’t a chance in hell of you competing with that.”
“You never know.”
“Try and see what the fuck happens.”
“So she’s really the one then? Got you ready to go to war with me.”
