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“I’m embellishing. Makes the story more interesting. Short version is he doesn’t like how I run my branch, he wants me to make cuts, making cuts means me having to fire people but not making cuts means Jonathan firing me first then getting somebodyelseto fire people, or else just shutting the whole branch and firing everybody.”
Agnieszka looks like she’s actually paying attention, which is something else I’ve not seen in a while. My team are nice but they’re not great listeners, and Jonathan’s the same only without the nice part. “I’m still not sure where the amnesia comes in.”
“Well, we were having a bit of a barney and he yelled at me and I stepped back and through a Nexa by MERLYN 8mm Sliding Door Shower enclosure—”
“Does the exact brand of shower enclosure matter?”
“It tells you how heavy the glass is when it falls on you.”
She blinks. “How heavy is the glass?”
“Eight millimetres.”
“That’s not a measurement of weight, it’s a measurement of thickness.”
I move my hands in a way that I hope conveys how big a deal eight millimetres of tempered glass crashing onto your skull is. “Okay then…bloody heavy, alright?”
“I was only asking.”
This is going down a tangent that I don’t think is completely relevant, but the part of me that’s spent too long in showrooms can’t let it go. “You’ve seen the Nexa, though,” I tell her. “He’s got a Nexa upstairs.”
“I just clean them. I don’t look at the brand names.”
“The big expensive-looking one with very thick glass in the ensuite off his bedroom.”
Agnieszka gives me a getting-it nod. “Ah, thatisheavy glass.”
“I know, that’s why I told you the model.”
“Which is why it was good that I asked why you told me.”
She’s got me there. “Anyway,” I go on, “I fall into the Nexa by MERLYN 8mm Sliding Door Shower enclosure—”
“Like the one in the ensuite upstairs.”
“Yes, that’s right. I fall into the Nexa by MERLYN 8mm Sliding Door Shower enclosure like the one in the ensuite upstairs—you’re doing this deliberately, aren’t you?”
She nods. “This story is already long and very silly. I was seeing how long and silly it could get.”
“It’s not silly, it’s very important. People’s jobs are on the line here. After I fell into the Nexa by MERLYN 8mm Sliding Door Shower enclosure like the one in the ensuite upstairs, I get rushed to hospital and I’m having a bit of confusion so Jonathan jumps straight tohe’s got amnesiaand the doctor who, as you say, is wanting to get shot of us pretty quick like, doesn’t say I don’t, so I play along because I figure it’ll give me time to work out what I’m doing about these cuts that Jonathan wants to make.”
Agnieszka leans forwards earnestly. “Could you not just…make the cuts?”
“Oh aye? And what’s Brian going to do about his nan? What’s Tiff going to do about her course? What’s Claire—”
“You realise I don’t know who any of these people are?”
I make another evocative gesture. “Just conjuring up a bit of human drama.”
“You missed your calling as a storyteller, Sam.” I get a strong sense she’s being sarcastic. “But I’m afraid that this”—she waves a hand at me in an evocative gesture of her own—“isn’t going to help long-term.”
“I know it won’t help long-term. I’m working on a plan.”
She looks sceptical. “Which is?”
“I’ve not…I’ve not quite got to that bit yet.”
“Well, if you think of something, you can let me know, butotherwise…” She gets up, shaking her head sadly. “I have a Nexa by MERLYN 8mm Sliding Door Shower enclosure to clean.”
