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“And if you collapse on the way there?”
I shrug, trying to look all casual. “Then I’ll be in the middle of London and even though you southerners are a pack of selfish bastards, I reckon at least one of yez’ll call an ambulance.”
“And if you die before the ambulance gets there?”
“Then you’d probably not have been able to save me.”
Jonathan looks like he finds the idea upsetting. Apparently the man’s such a control freak the idea of me dying in a way he can’t micromanage messes with his head. “I’ll drive you.”
Fuck. That’s actually pretty generous of him—it’d save me time, money, aggro, and a real risk of dropping dead with blood coming out my ears—so sayingno thanks, I’d rather go on myown because reasonswill sound incredibly sus. “I’m going to go get a Christmas tree after so it’s probably not worth your while. I’m sure you’ve got stuff planned, and I don’t want you to have to rearrange your whole day.”
He checks his phone—it’s one of those dead fancy ones that fold open and let you write on the screen. “Well, I’m going to have to, aren’t I?”
I can’t tell if he’s genuinely miffed or just trying really hard to be. And that’s a weird thing not to be sure about. Because if he’s not miffed, that means he actually wants to come, and I don’t know what to make of that. “You don’t. You’ve got the tracking thing set up, I’ll be with your dad and granddad for most of it, and if I start to feel even a little bit funny, I’ll ring yez.”
He’s not listening. He’s already sending emails and rescheduling meetings. “Wait there.”
“What’s the magic word?”
“Sam.” He sighs. “Will youpleasewait here while I get my laptop.”
Good to know the old workaholic Jonathan isn’t completely gone. “What do you need your laptop for? Are you going to set up a conference call with the Christmas trees?”
“You don’t need me following you around the venue. I can catch up on work while you’re inside, and after that I’ll take you on to—where are you meeting my family?”
The phrasemeeting my familysort of hovers for a second. “Portobello Road.”
Jonathon gives me anit figureslook and then goes to grab his laptop. He’s pretty quiet on the drive there—probably a bit twitchy about all the showers getting sold without him—but he relaxes a bit when he’s able to park up out back of a Budgens and leave me to head off and see a man about a room.
“If I’m not back in half an hour,” I tell him, “send the dogs.”
“You’re not funny.”
I smile in a way I hope saysI am and you secretly know it, then head off to check out the venue.
The manager meets me downstairs and explains the setup. They’ve got a bunch of rooms. Some big, some small, some pricey, some even more pricey, and honestly I’m a bit lost trying to work my way through them, but he gives me a brochure and leaves me to wander.
Pretty confident that Jonathan isn’t going to just walk in on me in all my not-amnesia-having glory, I fire up FaceTime. Tiff—who seems to have appointed herself Sheffield Branch Party Officer in my absence—looks back at me with more enthusiasm than I think I’ve ever seen on her.
“Alright.” I sweep my phone around a classy-looking room with vaulted ceilings and chandeliers fitted for the new electric lighting. “What d’you think?”
“How many’s it fit?” she asks.
I check my list. “Two hundred.”
“Not big enough.”
I keep falling into traps like this, but I’m worried if I ever stop I’ll just start falling into traps of a different sort. “How is it not big enough if we only need to take a hundred and fifty?”
“It’ll be two hundred standing. People have to be able to sit down. Even if you can get Jonathan to shift on table service—”
“He won’t,” I tell her. “I’ve tried.”
“Then you need half the room for tables, and if you want dancing as well—and you do—you need the other half for that. So you’ll need something nearly twice as big.”
It’s already looking plenty big enough from where I’m standing, and the thought of going bigger makes me a bit nervous. I consult the brochure. “I think they’ve onlygotone bigger room.”
Tiff stares at me in dead silence for much longer than areasonable person would consider appropriate then says, “So…take me there then?”
