AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“But not without the gammon, the stuffing, the beef, the cheeseboard, and the three different kinds of chipolata wrapped in bacon?”
The feeling creeps up on me that he might just be taking the piss. “You know,” I tell him, “you might be better off getting a professional after all.”
But he’s got that self-made-millionaire look in his eyes now. The look that says if the bed-and-bathware industry couldn’t beat him then making roasties for thirteen definitely won’t. “No, I think we can make this work.”
There’s thatweagain.
And he does buy the venison.
I don’t quite know what’s come over Jonathan the rest of the day. It’s not like he’s suddenly filled with the joys of the season. He’s still a sullen bastard and he still spends half his time on his laptop making sure the Leeds branch is shipping enough memory foam mattress toppers and that things are still on track for the Birmingham branch to open in the new year. But he’s starting to put the same obsessive attention to detail into the whole Christmas thing as well. He’s been into the garden twice to check how the tree looks from outside, and around three he digs out a tape measure and starts doing some calculations in his head that I don’t really get and can’t follow.
“Dad was right,” he announces. “We’re going to be short on decorations.”
I look up fromPointless. Fuck me, I’ve watched a lot ofPointlessover the last couple of weeks. “And you couldn’t tell that just by looking?”
“Measure twice, cut once.”
“It’s decorations you’re hanging, not shelving.”
“Same principle. Everybody—and I do meaneverybody—is coming around tomorrow. So if I’m going to stop makingexcuses”—fuck, that really got in his head, didn’t it—“then I have to make sure they’ve got everything they need.”
“And you want to fix thatright now.”
Mainly I’m surprised. But Jonathan takes it the wrongest way possible. “You’re the one who keeps telling me I need to do more for people.”
“That’s not what I said.”
“It’s what you implied.”
“It’s not what I implied, either.” I take a deep breath. “You’re already doing plenty. It’s just…sometimes, it’s a bit misdirected.”
He ungrumps by maybe two percent. “Then this is me redirecting.”
“To decorations?” Only Jonathan Forest would decorate his house for Christmas just to make a point.
“Yes,” he says with more aggression than the subject can really bear. “We need them.”
“Alright then. Where we getting them from?”
He glances down at his phone. He’s apparently googled the same question. “Fortnum & Mason. And I’m getting them, you’re resting.”
“Jonathan, this is meant to be fun. It won’t be fun if you go alone. I’m coming with yez.”
He looks doubtful. “How’s your head?”
I don’t tell him I’ve had no complaints. It’s not that I don’t think he’d get it, I just don’t think he’d appreciate it. “Not sobad it’ll stop me watching you walk around a swanky department store buying tinsel.”
“I don’t think this will be as amusing as you’re expecting.”
“Maybe not, but I’ll not find out by sitting on my arse at home, will I? Besides, I’ve never been to Fortnum & Mason before. It’ll be something to tell the kids about.”
Jonathan’s eyes narrow. “The kids?”
“In future like. Years from now I’ll be sitting around the fire sayingooh let Grandpa Sam tell you all about the big shops they’ve got up London.”
“You’re being ridiculous.”
I shrug. “It’s Saturday, it’s nearly Christmas, I’m living on cornflakes and the ghost of a cheese sandwich—of course I’m being ridiculous.”
