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Also, I don’t smell blood, and it would be difficult for her to get far enough that I wouldn’t detect at least a trace of it if she was seriously injured. If anything had hurt her, they would have had to swallow her whole. That’s not impossible. I’m not the only strange creature in the waters of Protheka. But it is less likely. And that’s something to hold onto.
I follow the scent out into deeper waters. There haven’t been any changes in the current to disrupt it, and she seems to have gone swimming in a pretty straight line. She’s heading directly for the same shore that her ship set out from the day I found her.
I’m not unimpressed by her navigation. Many would have needed to swim in circles for a while trying to follow the sun or some other marker. She seems to have found her direction almost immediately, and she followed it without question.
She was also smart enough to stay close to the bottom of the water until it was time to swim up to the surface. Good instincts.
She certainly is more than a shell to be collected. One day, the two of us will swim together. I’ll get to show her all of the beauties of the ocean and know that she’s safe.
That she’s safe and that she’s mine.
I’m angry at her. I’m angry that I trusted her to not run from me and she defied me. But I’m also angry with myself. She clearly doesn’t understand what I feel for her. I made her think that I wanted her like I wanted a pretty rock or a pet. Of course, she’d run away from that.
But that’s not what I want from her at all. And I have to find her. I have to make her understand what it is I really feel for her.
She has to still be okay. I don’t know what I would do if the scent trail just stopped and I instead picked up the scent of some great predator with a huge, trap-like mouth. A few times, there’s a break in it from something else swimming by, and I almost think it’s happened. But no, the scent picks up again. She’s still out there.
What will I do when I find her anyway? I don’t know. I’ll try to talk to her, of course. I’ll make some attempt to convince her to come back to the temple with me. But if she says no, will I drag her down again anyway like I did the first time? Or will I simply watch her leave?
I don’t have an answer to that question. I don’t have the answers to any questions right now. I’m too full of too many emotions, and all of them are swirled together. I’m angry at her for betraying me, proud of her for making it so far, frightened that something might have happened, furious at myself for messing everything up, and hopeful that I’ll see her soon swimming along the shore.
But we’re getting close to the shore. She may well have made it to the beach. And once she’s made it there, what will I do? I know how to smell oils and traces of scent in the water, but in the air, I’ll be useless. I could roam for a little and hope I run into her, but the land is dangerous, at least to me. And what if she found someone she knows? What if she’s ridden away, or just ran as fast as she could inland?
I see a shelf rising from the bottom of the sea in front of me. That’s land up ahead there. Just a little bit past it, and she’ll be at the beach.
If she made it this far, she certainly made it to land. But aren’t there dangers on land, too?
I decide that I have to at least try to look for her on land. Even if it’s hopeless, I can’t give up on her so quickly. If I end up dragging myself around on the beach for an hour or so before returning to the ocean, so be it. I’d rather make a fool of myself than give up.
Above all, I refuse to believe that it’s over. I don’t know what I’m going to say to her, but I have to get a chance to say something. I just have to. And yes, I know that doesn’t make sense, but it’s all I have to hold onto now.
I have to find her. I just have to.
I’ve never felt this way about anything or anyone before. I live alone. I always have. And until now, I’ve never wanted anything different. Even this doesn’t feel like something I want. It feels like something I need. And I don’t understand that, and yet here it is, happening anyway.
The water is starting to get shallower and more choppy. I can feel the waves making their way to break on the beach above me. I do my best to stay under the water, but soon, there won’t be a choice. I’ll have to break the surface and step out onto land.
She escaped from my world, and now, I’m going to have to find her in her world. In a way, it’s almost fitting.
I’m coming for you, Penny,I think to myself.I’m stepping out onto land, and I’ll do anything I can to find you.And then, once I find you, I’ll…
But I don’t know what I’ll do. There’s no time to think about that. Every moment I haven’t already found her is another moment she has to disappear somewhere I might never find her.
Now, there’s nothing to do but trust that our destinies are more entwined than a single meeting.
I have to believe that,I tell myself as I break out of the water.
I have to.
17
PENNY
After a few moments of breathing heavily, sprawled out on the beach, I manage to lift myself up slightly and have a look around. The sun is setting swiftly over the endless expanse of water behind me. Brilliant shades of pink and orange reflect off the water as the great ball of light dips below the watery horizon.
In front of me, the sandy white beach is dotted with palm trees. A little further ahead lies the wild green jungle of Yaccarres, preceded by a cluster of manses sitting proudly on the edge of the beach. My stomach drops when I see those manses. “Shit. This is where he lives. I couldn’t have landed in a worse place.”
Urgency begins to build as I realize that I may have simply exchanged one captor for another. I can’t say why exactly, but I think I’d prefer to be Laiken’s captive over Malachi’s. Laiken displays none of the sadistic tendencies of Malachi, and there’s still something intriguing to me about Laiken. “Did I make the wrong choice?” I wonder. “No, you must keep moving, no time to ponder,” I resolve.
