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Four
Genesis
August 30
Looking up from my phone, where I’d been texting Kye back, my eyes met Bowie’s. I knew without him saying a word what he was thinking. I also knew he was right, but I didn’t want to talk about it. Not tonight. My texting with Kye had become sparse, as had our calls. I didn’t even know when I would see him next, and I was not telling him about Bowie over the phone.
I turned my phone on silent and put it on the dresser before walking over to the bed, where Bowie was propped up, watching me.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I told him as I climbed onto the mattress, then moved over him to straddle his legs.
He put his hands on my thighs. “How?” he asked.
I waved my hand in front of his face. “Like that.”
He grinned then. “What look is that, Gen?”
I sighed dramatically. “That look that says, You need to tell Kye about us. It’s been over two months since we started dating. And I agree, but I need to do it in person.”
Bowie raised an eyebrow. “You are aware that it was me who got fucked over. Not Kye. He did the fucking over. This shouldn’t be a touchy subject for him.”
If it were any other guy, I knew they would struggle to believe that Kye and I were just friends. However, Bowie knew him as well as I did. He knew that Kye was never going to look at me as anything but a friend. He didn’t do relationships. Our friendship was the longest relationship he’d ever had.
I cupped Bowie’s face with my hands. “Trust me, I get that. It’s just that we all have a past. A complex one. So, yes, it will be a big deal that we are back together. And as much as I wish you and Kye could be friends again, I know that you don’t think you can do that. I told you in the beginning that I would never expect you to.”
Bowie ran his hands up my legs, then turned his head to press a kiss on my palm. “Fine. Whatever you want to do,” he said. “I love you, Gen. I’ve fucking loved you since I was a kid. I’m not letting Kye mess with my head again. Whatever hoops you want me to jump through, I’ll jump.”
Smiling, I touched my lips to his. This was comfort. It was security. Knowing that I was loved and I wasn’t going to be alone. Once, I had thought that I needed the butterflies, excitement, thrill, and rush that Kye’s wild, larger-than-life personality offered. But I had been a kid and not understood how the Bowies of the world were the smart choices.
“I love you,” I told him, and I did.
I loved all that he offered me. There was no heartache always there, threatening to tear me apart. I was never forgotten or put on hold. To Bowie, I was number one. He didn’t need strip clubs and numerous women. I was enough.
When he picked me up and laid me on the bed beside him, I stared up at him as he took off his shirt. The bare, tattoo-free chest and defined muscles in his lean build were so different from Kye’s that it was easy not to let myself start fantasizing it was my best friend over me. I could be in the present with Bowie.
He took off his shorts, then began undressing me. There was never a rush to things with him. Bowie was the only guy I’d ever had sex with, so I had nothing to compare it to. The idea of him taking me hard and wanting me so bad that he lost control was for movies and books. I knew it wasn’t reality.
When he slipped inside of me, I held on to him. I closed my eyes and enjoyed the warmth of his body and the connection. I already knew when he found his release, I wouldn’t do the same. I was pretty sure I was broken when it came to that. Sure, I could get myself off with my imagination and a vibrator on my clit, but I didn’t even get the stirrings of one while having sex.
Bowie never asked about that, and I figured it was normal for girls not to get off. Maybe most didn’t. Whatever the case, it didn’t matter. Sex was something that gave men pleasure. They needed it. Although I liked having sex. It gave me a sense of having someone I belonged to.
September 15
“Have you not told your mom about us?” Bowie asked.
I spun around, surprised that he was here. I hadn’t heard him come in, but then I’d been on the phone with my mom. How long had he been standing there, listening?
“Not yet,” I admitted, annoyed that he’d stood there without letting me know he was in my room.
