Page 42 of Burn (Smoke)


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“How old is he? He’s so little.”

“Birth certificate says he was born December 23.”

“He’s not even two weeks old,” I whispered.

Kye sighed. “I don’t know what I’m gonna do, Baby Doll.”

I looked from the sweet little face to Kye’s pained one. There was no need to lecture him on how this was what happened when you slept around all the time. He was learning that lesson already. This was done. A life had been created.

“Well, first, I’m going to change his diaper. Do you have diapers in that bag?” I asked, looking at the blue bag he’d brought in with him.

He held it out to me. “Yeah. But I think he will need more, and there’s only a little of that milk powder stuff left that he drinks in his bottle.”

“Formula,” I replied. “Let me get him changed and see what he has in here. Then, I’ll go to the store. Unless it’s time for him to eat. When did he eat last?”

Kye looked panicked for a moment. “Uh, fuck, I think it was four hours ago. Maybe three.”

“He needs to eat again. Changing his diaper will wake him up, and he’s gonna be hungry,” I said as I put the bag on the table and found the formula. There was enough for one more feeding. “I can feed him, too, and then we need to go buy things. A lot of things. Is this all you have?”

He nodded slowly.

“Okay, first, diaper change and feeding. See if there’re any other pieces of clothing in there. He’s got spit-up on this one.”

Kye walked over, his eyes going to Jagger briefly, as if he was nervous, before looking through the bag. “Uh, yeah. Just this though,” he said, holding up a gown with monkeys on it. “Why does he have a dress?”

I smiled. “It’s a gown.”

He frowned. “A gown, a dress—same thing. He’s a boy.”

I took the gown from him. “Infants sleep in gowns. It’s easier for diaper changes at night.”

He didn’t look convinced. I took Jagger over to the sofa and laid him down.

This was going to sink in later when I had time to think about it. I knew, right now, I was doing what had to be done for Jagger. My chest was still aching when I thought about him being ignored and unwanted. If I let myself think about that too much, I was going to fall apart. This was Kye’s baby! The idea of any baby being unwanted and neglected hurt my heart, but this was different. This was breathtakingly painful because this was Kye’s baby.

“Thank you, Baby Doll. I don’t know … I’m still processing. I think I’m in shock. I just … I can’t do this. I’m scared to hold him. I might break him. Just … thank you. For this.”

I looked up at him. He was staring at Jagger’s face. He wasn’t someone who could raise a kid, and he wasn’t going to ever get married. I knew he was already preparing to give this baby up for adoption, and honestly, it was for the best. But could I handle that? Knowing Kye had a baby out there and I didn’t know him? That he didn’t know who his parents were? This was too much right now. Jagger’s immediate needs came first.

“I’ll teach you how to hold him,” I said. Because he was going to hold this baby.

Jagger needed one of his parents to hold him so he felt that love in his life. I knew Kye better than anyone else, and although he was currently shaken up, this was his kid. He would love it. Even if he didn’t mean to, he would.

“Maybe it’s best I don’t. I’m gonna give him to a good family.” He said what I’d already assumed he was thinking.

“That might be the case, but in his life, he’s going to have the experience of being held by his father. He needs to feel that connection even if he doesn’t remember it years from now. He deserves it. Especially after having lived his first ten days on this earth with that woman.”

I didn’t look up to see what he was thinking as I changed Jagger’s diaper. He opened his eyes, and his little face got red right before he began crying.

“Is he okay?” Kye asked, sounding anxious.

“Yes. He is mad about the diaper change and getting his clothes changed. He’s also awake and hungry. It’s all normal.”

“You’re sure? I shouldn’t call Carmichael?”

I frowned, picking Jagger up in his clean gown and holding him close to my chest. “Who is Carmichael?” I asked.

“The family’s doctor.”

I laughed. “The Lords of the Underworld have their own doctor? Of course they do. And, no, do not call a doctor because he’s crying. Now, sit down.”

Kye sat where I had been, and I bent down with Jagger.

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