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“So, my little girl is getting married,” she said, letting her arms fall with a thud against her thighs, effectively breaking the awkward silence. I turned to her, not so sure what to expect, but she had a smile on her face.
“I’m sorry that things happened the way they did. I should’ve given you guys a heads up or something,” I responded with a remorseful tone.
“I'll be honest, we were pretty hurt. Your dad and your brothers were not impressed that Bryce didn’t even ask for your hand in marriage. We should’ve at least met him first before taking such a huge step,” she expressed her concerns. She was right, but she had no idea what this was all about.
“Mom, I have to tell you something,” I said nervously. I knew I had to be honest with her so that she could understand why things had played out the way they had. “Yes, Bryce and I are together and in love, but it all started as PR for his company. That's why I didn't tell you. I thought it would blow over and there wouldn't be anything to tell,” I finally broke the truth to her. "You know how Dad always called all my boyfriends 'Dave'? He told me he didn't want to know their names until they were 'the one'. In the beginning, this was just nothing. Over time, it became something, but everything was going so fast, that I just got caught up in the circus."
My mom looked at me, shocked, and for a brief moment, it seemed as though she didn’t know what to say to me.
“I don’t know what to say, but you’ve never been deceitful. This isn’t you. If the two of you love each other, then why can’t you just be yourselves?” she asked.
“Oh Mom, it's so complicated," I said, looking away. I was a little ashamed, and I knew I hurt my family. My mom didn’t seem pleased, but then again, I couldn't blame her.
“I want to understand, but your dad isn’t happy about this,” she said, reaching for my hand. “I just want you to know that I want you to be happy,” she added with a warm smile. My mom was being kind, but I knew she also wasn’t happy about what was going on.
Ultimately, my mom accepted that things had happened, and she was just grateful that I had been honest with her. She knew that I was going to have to make my own decisions, and that this was now a part of my life. It wasn’t ideal, but she was offering support during this rather difficult situation. Despite how complicated things were, the moment just felt so special, and I knew that the bouquet of roses was the good omen I was looking for. I looked at them and smiled, knowing that things were going to be alright.
We all gathered in one of the hotel suites right after my mom and I were done talking. I could feel that the tension in the room had eased a little. Everyone was in a good mood and happy. The air started to buzz with excitement as the party got into full swing. Everyone but me.
As the night progressed, I couldn't help but feel increasingly uncomfortable. Despite my best efforts to enjoy the evening's festivities, the nagging feeling that something wasn't quite right wouldn't leave me. I was surrounded by friends, family, and coworkers, in one of the grandest ballrooms ever created, yet I felt an emptiness and uneasiness deep within my core.
At the end of the hall was a huge portrait from our engagement shoot, depicting me in an elegant white dress, smiling up at him, his arm around my waist. The painting was beautiful, at least on the surface, but for me, it only served to remind me of the fact that our relationship was overall a facade. Whatever we did, we had to show that we were happy, even if we weren't. All to boost his company's public image.
My heart was heavy as I watched my friends dance around me, carefree and happy, and for a moment I wanted to tell them the truth, to tell them what I was really feeling. But deep down, I knew it was for the best if I kept silent for now. I had agreed to this, after all. My signature was on the bottom of a contract. Damn innocent me who signed that stupid contract. Best yet, I was the one who came up with the idea.
I took a deep breath and tried to push the feelings of regret and sadness away. The decision had been made, and I had to continue to play my part. There was nothing I could do now. With one last glance at the painting, I turned my attention to the music and began to sway to the rhythm. After all, if I could get fake married, I could fake dance.
I excused myself from the group, claiming that I needed a moment to catch my breath. It just wasn’t my mind; my body didn’t feel good too. The smell of the food, the floral arrangement, and the mixed scents of exotic perfumes were just overwhelming. I felt like I was coming down with a terrible fever.
Making my way to the balcony, I leaned against the railing and gazed out at the twinkling lights of the city skyline. The cool night air was refreshing, but it did little to alleviate the turmoil churning inside me. I couldn't help but feel disconnected from everything around me. The bachelorette party was supposed to be a celebration of my upcoming marriage, but all I could think about was the mess that was my life right now. The secrets I had to hold. The fakeness that was this whole world I was entering into.
Every laugh, every clink of glasses, felt like a reminder of the secrets that I had to keep.
I caught my mom’s eye from across the room and she smiled at me reassuringly. But even her smile couldn't ease the guilt I felt. She was a large part of the guilt I was feeling. This wasn't just a PR stunt for Bryce’s company - it was a lie that was consuming our relationship from the inside out.
As the night wore on, the atmosphere became increasingly rowdy. My friends were all tipsy and laughing loudly, while I sat silently in the corner with my thoughts. Suddenly, Nia stood up and announced that she had a surprise for me. She led me over to a door and pushed it open, revealing a dark room.
"Go ahead, take a look," she said, giggling. I hesitated for a moment before stepping inside. It took a moment for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. Slowly, ever so slowly, little lights started to appear. As the LED candles (Of course! Fake candles to punctuate my fake life) came on in a synchronized way, I saw that the room was filled with roses..
I turned back to Nia, confused.
"What is this?" I asked.
"It's a surprise! A surprise from your fiancé," she said, winking. "He wanted to do something special for you tonight." My heart sank as I realized what was happening. As much as I knew Bryce loved me, there's always a part of me that wonders if he's going over the top just for the media attention. With his company in the forefront of his mind instead of me.
As I stood there, something caught my eye. A small box sat on an elevated table next to the candles, wrapped in silver paper with a red bow on top. I approached it hesitantly, feeling a strange mix of anticipation and dread. On the other hand, I was also touched by this gesture. I've never had this happen to me in my life.
With shaky hands, I unwrapped the box and lifted the lid. Inside was a beautiful diamond necklace, glimmering in the soft candlelight. A note was tucked underneath it, written in Bryce's elegant handwriting.
My love, I know that things have been difficult lately. But I want you to know how much you mean to me, and how excited I am to spend the rest of my life with you. This necklace is a symbol of my commitment to you. I hope it brings you as much joy as you bring me. -Bryce
Tears welled up in my eyes as I read the note, feeling overwhelmed with conflicting emotions. On one hand, I couldn't deny the beauty of the gift. But on the other hand, my brain was about to explode with the complexity of it all. This grand gesture was just another reminder that I didn't know for sure. And a reminder that I might never know for sure. For my entire life. As I stood there, lost in thought, Nia put a hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" she asked softly. I shook my head, not trusting myself to speak.
"All of this... it's just too much," I finally managed to say. "I don't know how much longer I can keep this gig going."
Nia's expression softened, and she pulled me into a hug. "You don't have to pretend anymore," she whispered. "Bryce loves you and you love him. Focus on that.”
The reality was nothing else could settle me except for Bryce’s presence. I needed him to see him before I spiraled and derailed everything.
