AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Hi Mom,” I responded as she took a seat on my bed. I turned my attention to her, fully expecting a firm but loving lecture. I knew I had to stop wallowing in the despair that I was making up in my head. Or, part of me hoped I was just making it up.
“Everyone is wondering when you’re coming down to join us. The kids, especially.” I could tell she was doing her best to be loving.
“Mom, I just need a few more minutes and I’ll be down,” I responded, a little irritated.
“Yeah, it’s just that you said that two hours ago and you’re still in your pajamas. It’s midday now. Don’t you think it’s time for a nice warm shower and to put on a fresh dress?” she asked, as she got up from the bed and headed for my closet.
“I just need a few more minutes,” I pleaded with her, but she was already going through my stuff looking for a dress.
“Here’s a nice summer dress. It brings out your skin perfectly,” she said, stretching out her hand to show me the dress.
“It’s cute,” I responded with a smile. It was a dress that I used to wear when I was younger. I could still fit into it, and wearing it would definitely remind me of a time when life was much simpler.
“So, hop into the shower. I'll wait out here and look up some cute hairstyles. Don’t you miss it when I used to do your hair?” she asked with a chuckle. I went into my little ensuite bathroom and left the door slightly cracked open so Mom and I could still chat. The boys always bugged me for getting to have my own bathroom, but they never violated my private space.
“Yes, I do miss it,” I said as I ran some water into the bathtub.
“Maybe you’ll have a little girl and you’ll be able to do her hair too,” she said, as I took off my clothes. Her statement made me stop and stare at myself in the mirror. I held my belly, thinking of whether I was having a girl. I wasn’t sure what I wanted. All I knew was I would love the baby whether it was a boy or girl and we would make memories of our own. Together.
“Are you going to find out if it’s going to be a boy or girl?” my mom asked, as if she had read my mind.
“I don't know,” I responded, getting into the tub. “I haven't discussed it with Bryce. Even if we're not together, that's something we will have to agree on,” I added in a melancholic tone.
“There is absolutely nothing wrong with that,” my mom responded.
“I don’t know how we’re going to make this work, Mom,” I said, trying to hold back the tears.
She sighed. “What do you want?” she asked. I was quiet for a while, imagining the life I wanted. In every scenario I could think of, I wanted Bryce to be there with me. Now it was my turn to sigh. It was longer and deeper than even I expected.
“I want Bryce. I want him and me to be together. To have this baby together. That’s what I want. I just want to have what you and Dad have and allow my child to grow up in a family with both parents, surrounded by siblings and cousins. But right now, it just seems like too much to ask,” I responded as I sat in the bathtub, allowing the warm water to relax me. My mother moved to sit beside the crack in the open door, wanting to give me my privacy but also to give me comfort.
"Honey, I know it's hard. But sometimes life doesn't go as planned. You have to make the best of what you have. And right now, you have a beautiful baby growing inside of you."
I nodded solemnly, knowing she was right. But still, the ache in my heart for Bryce was almost unbearable. I missed him so much; it was like a physical pain.
"You know," my mother said softly. “Your father and I went through a rough patch when we were first married. We almost didn't make it. But we worked through it, together. And now, forty-five years later, we're still going strong. It's those tough times and working through it with a common goal of being together that really made us stronger. It's not easy, but you have to stop trying to be right. You have to realize that Bryce has goals and desires too, and that meeting somewhere in the middle might be where the magic is." She paused. "I've raised you to be a strong, independent woman and god knows, you've had to hold your own in this family of boys. But strength also means allowing someone else whom you love to grow in ways that they want to. To strive together for a good that will make you both come out on top."
Her words gave me hope. Maybe, just maybe, Bryce and I could work it out, too. And she was right. I couldn't let my pride get in the way. Maybe my dream of privacy, when connected to such a public figure wasn't realistic. But, we just wanted to be together so I needed to keep that top of mind. Maybe then we could be like my parents and have a love that stood the test of time.
"Thanks, Mom. You're right. I'm gonna try," I said, determination in my voice. "I'll try to make it work."
"That's all you can do," she replied with a smile. "Well, that and stop worrying about the what ifs. There's no point in that. It just shoves you down a rabbit hole of imagination. But instead of imagining everything you want, you're imagining everything you don't want. Now, finish cleaning up and get ready for some fun with your family."
I could hear her leave my room and quietly shut the door behind her. She was so right. I was worried about all the what ifs. About being right. And through all of that, I was pushing away the love of my life. As I washed myself, I couldn't help but think about Bryce. What was he doing? Was he thinking of me, too?
I finished up and got out of the tub, wrapping a fluffy towel around myself. As I walked out of the bathroom, I heard my mother talking on the phone in the hallway. I opened my door and realized she was talking in hushed tones. When she saw me, she quickly hung up.
“Who was that?” I asked. She was acting pretty suspicious, and my mom was not good at hiding things.
“It’s nothing, honey,” she said as she forcefully made me sit at the dressing table facing the mirror. “We should do something nice to your hair,” she suggested.
“Something like what and why do I need to do anything nice to my hair?” I asked, confused.
“Honey, we invited a few neighbors to join us and you know, people know that you broke off your engagement to Bryce. I don’t think you want to show people that you’re having a hard time moving on. I don’t think that is a good look for you,” she said as she brushed my hair and placed flower pins in it. I didn’t get it, but I let her do my hair because, well, honestly, I didn't have the strength to argue. And besides, it did make me feel a little better to get pampered by my mom.
“Have you ever thought about talking to Bryce? Maybe giving him a call?” she asked.
“Of course! I want to, but I think we still both need time,” I responded, and she remained quiet for a moment.
