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I rolled my eyes at him. “We didn’t have sex, but something like that.”
Cole kissed my knuckles. “Before we start, I love you. I can tell by the look on your beautiful face this is important.”
I nodded. “Are you too tired? If so, this can wait.”
“All I’ve been doing is sleeping, I’m ready to stay awake for a while. What happened while I was gone, baby?” His thumb traced small circles on the back of my hand.
“You got shot,” I whispered through the heartache. “I almost lost you. We all did.” I swallowed, glancing away and collecting my thoughts before I looked at him again.
“I’m going to be okay, though. That’s the important thing.” He carefully shifted on the mattress, then relaxed.
Pulling my knees up, I propped my chin on them. “Are you planning on joining the MC?”
A thick, heavy, dream-crushing silence blanketed the room.
His gaze remained on me. “I haven’t decided, yet.”
Tears pricked my eyes, and I stared at our joined fingers before I continued. “Daddy and Julia are fine with us dating. We have their support.”
Cole nodded, giving me the space I needed to continue.
I toyed with the hem of my T-shirt. “But ...”
“If I prospect, and I’m voted into the MC,” he continued for me, putting the pieces into place.
“If you join and we’re together, then Daddy will cut me out of the will and Julia will support his choice. Those aren’t his exact words, but I’ve known my daddy for nineteen years, and I’m very capable of reading between the lines.”
“I don’t disagree with them, Shae. It’s no life for you. You need someone who will be there for you and doesn’t have a thirst for destruction. A motorcycle club isn’t for everyone, especially not a one percenter club.”
This wasn’t where I’d anticipated the conversation to go. I wasn’t sure what I’d expected, actually, but it wasn’t this. “Couldn’t I be your old lady?”
Cole chuckled. “Baby, I can’t see you putting up with being treated less than the beautiful, intelligent woman you are. Women aren’t respected by most of the guys. King, Taco, Snake, and the others understand what you mean to me, so they’re good to you.”
My stomach dropped as I thought about what Cole was telling me. “I guess I thought, since you were hurt and almost died, that you might have made a decision. If you pledge, I’m sure you’ll be patched in.” My soul was breaking right in front of him, and I wasn’t sure he even realized it. In my mind, he would see King and the other men occasionally, and we would plan our future. It was what he’d said in his voicemail. Unless he’d planned on me going with him. But he was right. I wasn’t sure I was cut out for that lifestyle.
“I won’t lie, Shae, I’m on the fence. King is my family, and those guys are my people, but there’s another side of me, and what my heart and head want are completely opposite. I should have thought this through before I dragged you into hell with me.” He scrubbed his face with his free palm and blew out a heavy sigh.
“Yeah, you really should have.” I released his hand. “I’ll be across the hall if you need anything.”
“Shae, don’t.” He tried to grab my wrist, but I ducked out of reach.
I left him alone in his room to think about what he wanted. Anger simmered beneath my calm exterior. I’d fallen in love with him, not understanding all of the moving pieces. But there was one thing I knew how to do and do well … protect my heart, and I’d just built brick walls around it.
ChapterTwenty-Nine
I’d left Cole alone for the rest of the day and occasionally checked on him. Instead of hanging out, I spent some time meditating in my bedroom, then called Natalie when I realized I was spiraling. I flopped on my bed and stared at the ceiling as we chatted.
“I’m glad he’s home, but he sounds as hardheaded as he was before he was shot,” Natalie said.
I could imagine her grinning. “I’m not sure what to do. What I want is to force his hand and make him choose, but Cole would dig his heels in. I wish I’d known about the stakes before I fell in love with him.” I slapped my palm against my forehead. “Fuck. Natalie, I’m in love with my stepbrother, who might join a one percenter MC. What iswrongwith me?”
Her soft laugh filtered through the line. “Not a damn thing, but I have a question.”
“Yeah?” I chewed on my bottom lip.
“What doyouwant, Shae? What would make you happy?”
My breath caught in my throat. No one had ever asked me that before. “I want to be happy with Cole and keep my relationship with our parents intact. I want to finish school and plan our future together. I wanthim, Natalie. And a part of me hates Cole for it.” My chest heaved with relief. “Holy shit, it felt good to say that.” I sat up. “I’m really pissed at him for going out there, thinking he’s fucking Superman and getting his ass shot. I’m pissed that even though he almost died, he’s still not clear about what he wants in life.” I propped my knees beneath me and bounced on the mattress, my anger and anxiety driving my need to move.
