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“Please,” she cries.
“Come back to me. Come on,” I urge.
I thumb away a tear from her eyes before calling her name again. This time, her eyes open. She shivers before blinking once, staring at me. Several moments pass before she jerks upright, looking around in fear.
“Oh, god,” she says, horrified.
“Hey, it’s okay.” I pull her closer until she’s in my lap and I’m stroking her hair.
I hold her tight until her body stops shaking and I’m sure she’s calm. Astoria lifts her head, hazel eyes staring into mine. I really hate looking into her eyes, because sometimes it feels like I’ll never be able to stop. I lift my hand and gently wipe away some of her tears.
She doesn’t say a word but I notice her cheeks slowly reddening. She pulls out of my embrace, shifting until there’s space between us on the bed.
She opens her mouth, “I am so—”
“Don’t apologize,” I cut in sharply. “Tell me who hurt you.”
My jaw tightens as I remember the sound of her cries. I want nothing more than to hunt down the architect of her suffering and put a bullet in their head. Astoria’s expression flickers between dread and mortification.
“Astoria…” I prompt.
She shuts her eyes briefly. “You weren’t supposed to hear me. I-I didn’t know I was going to have a nightmare.”
“That wasn’t a nightmare,” I correct sharply. “Something happened.”
“It’s been so long,” she says helplessly. “I haven’t had a nightmare in forever. I think it’s-it’s probably because I’m sleeping somewhere unfamiliar. I told you, I don’t like change. My brain’s hardwired to feel comfortable in certain places, and when I wasn’t, it must have unlocked memories I’ve repressed and I wasn’t—that wasn’t supposed to happen.”
The sight of her struggling and feeling bad about something that she obviously has no control over causes my jaw to clench.
“Tell me what happened,” I ask again.
She sucks in a breath before raising her hand and biting down on a fingernail. I shift closer and run my hand through her hair.
“I know it’s asking a lot to trust me but I’d never hurt you, Tori. I swear it. I just want to know what happened. Please.”
“It’s not—” She falters. “It’s not something I can just talk about.”
I try to convey just how much I want to be here for her. To help her or at the very least, put a bullet in the perpetrator’s head. She looks into my eyes searching for something. Finally, she sighs. I watch as she sucks in a deep breath before seemingly steeling herself. Her voice is low and detached as she speaks.
“I was_” she pauses for a moment.
I realize how uncomfortable she is. “Actually, maybe you can tell me some other time and I promise if I can help you, I will. You want to… watch a movie or something?” I ask trying to change the subject. .
“I was sexually assaulted in my junior year of college.”
I suck in a sharp breath but don’t speak, letting her continue. Although a murderous rage fills me and I find myself counting to ten in my head so I don’t fly off the handle.
Astoria’s eyes take on a faraway look like she’s trying hard not to think about it. “It’s ok Tori, we can talk about it another time, I don’t want to fuck your night with my questions.”
“No, I ummm… I was drugged at a party by my date. He gave me something that knocked out my body although I was still very aware of what was going on. He got me into a bedroom and then h-he took my clothes off and started…”
Her eyes fall shut as a tear slides down. I wipe it away with my thumb. I’m still counting to ten in my head.
“He touched me everywhere, and the worst part is I was conscious. I was fully aware of everything he was doing against my will. I just couldn’t stop him. Then he took off his clothes and he was going to rape me. He was extremely close but another guy walked into the room and he immediately knew what was going on. He tore him off me and stopped before things could go further.”
“I’m glad you’re ok. And it’s not your fault you couldn’t stop him. You may be beautiful, smart, and a pain in my ass but I’m sure he knew he was stronger than you or he wouldn’t have tried that shit. What’s his name?”
I ask, my voice eerily calm, despite the tornado of emotions rolling through me.
