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“Come on,dolcezza,spit it out. Why are you here?”
My eyes fall shut as I finally say the words. “I’m here to end our fake relationship.”
Carlo’s eyes darken. “Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“You heard me, Astoria. Why? Give me one good reason why we should end this.”
A laugh escapes me. “Are you kidding? There are tons of reasons. Let’s start with the fucking obvious one. There’s another woman. And I can’t even say I understand what she is or who she is to you because you won’t fucking tell me!” My voice goes up an octave or two. “Which brings me to my next point—you never talk about what’s on your mind. You’re like ice—solid, unmovable ice—and I want so badly to break through, but it’s literally impossible and I’m tired, okay. I’m just tired. I can’t do this anymore.”
Inside, I’m screaming other reasons I can’t voice. The ones I can’t say to his face. The fact that I have feelings for him and the fear that he doesn’t feel the same way. And I’m terrified that I’ll get hurt in the end.
Throughout my outburst, Carlo just stands there and listens. He doesn’t twitch, doesn’t blink. He just stares at me. I’m uncomfortable under the weight of his gaze.
“So… um, yeah. That’s why I think this needs to end.”
Finally, he lets out a soft breath. His voice is low when he speaks. “You’re right. I am ice. I’m supposed to be ice because it’s strong and cold and it keeps everyone out. Because throughout my life, that’s the only thing I’ve been able to be. So tell me why every time I’m with you, I feel myself thaw. I don’t know what it is or why, but you make me feel, Astoria. Do you understand that? You make me fucking feel.”
My breath hitches. My throat grows dry, and I have no idea what to say. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to say. Carlo steps forward. His hand goes to my neck, titling my face up in the process. My eyes meet his simmering brown ones.
“I don’t have feelings for Cara,” he says gruffly.
My eyes widen. “You don’t?”
“No. Cara and I have known each other for a long time. If I wanted to start something with her, I would have done so. I always go for what I want.”
There’s a promise in those words, a challenge. And yet a part of me can’t help but wonder if he’s really sure about what he’s saying. I think back to our meeting with Cara at the party and something uneasy tightens in my gut.
Carlo must sense where my mind has gone because his grip on my neck tightens gently. He rubs against the pressure points of my throat.
“I can’t break,dolcezza,” he says softly. “I’m not sure I know how to. But ice melts. It might be a slow and gradual process, but I’ll get there.”
I let out a breath. “I’ll help you.”
“I know you will, beautiful.”
We stand there for several moments, staring at each other. Then Carlo’s eyes briefly flicker closed, and when they open again, they move down to my lips.
“When I kissed you at the party, I did it because I wanted to. Not because of your mom. I didn’t realize she was there.”
And just like that, the weight in my chest lessens.
“You did?”
He nods.
“Why? Why did you kiss me?”
A tortured expression passes across his face.
“Because kissing you might be the most fucking addicting thing in the world.”
And just like that, I forget how to breathe. Carlo robs me of breath. Especially when his lips land on mine in the next second.
There might be a disaster waiting for us on the other end. But maybe disaster’s not so bad.
CHAPTER16
