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The icky feeling clings to my skin, though, so I get up and grab my towel, then head for the shower. When I get back, a slim girl with long dark hair is throwing her bag up onto the bunk above mine.
Rachel headed home early after all. Good for her, I guess. I should be pleased not to have to deal with her snoring any more. Only after our breakfast the other day, I’m kinda bummed. Strange that.
I give the new girl a smile I don’t feel. “Hi. I’m Jessie.”
“Melinda. Nice to meet you.”
I make some excuse about having to get up early and scramble into bed, wishing I’d had a chance to say goodbye to Rachel. Heartstone is a lonely city sometimes, despite all the people.
***
The next day dawnsbright and sunny and I’m in a better mood. I scarf down a quick coffee at the hostel cafe and head a few subway stations north to Polbridge, hoping I’ll be somewhere close to the beginning of the line.
I’m not though. When I arrive I find a hundred other girls there already. I give my name to the assistant and take a seat on the pavement, giving a grim smile to the chick in front of me. Head down, I go over the lines in my head, picturing how I’ll smile; how I’ll use my hands.
By the time they call my name, it’s almost lunch time. I’m hungry and my ass is numb from sitting on the concrete. Wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans, I put my shoulders back and push open the door. I’m already smiling when my eyes find the faces of the two middle aged women sitting behind the desk.
“Thanks, Jessie. You can begin whenever you’re ready.”
I take a deep breath. Then I run my hand slowly up my arm, as if I’m lathering. I lift my eyes to the woman closest to me and give her the smile I use to draw a new customer into buying a lap dance. “Some soaps can be harsh on your skin.” I sigh, then run my hand back down my arm again before I begin on the other side. “But not Nood. It leaves my skin feeling amazing.”
The audition itself takes less than five minutes. I say the lines, they ask a couple of questions, and then I’m dismissed. They don’t even ask to see it again. They say nothing about call-backs and how many girls they’re going to shortlist.
I smell another failure.
My belly rumbles aggressively. I’ve got nothing going on now. No work today. Nowhere to be. I sure as hell don’t want to go back to the hostel yet. So I grab a hot dog from a cart on the next street. Walking for a while, I look for a bench or a park where I can sit.
Turning the next corner, the elegant curved arches and marble facade of the Grand Theater immediately catch my eye. I hadn’t realized I was only a few blocks away. I think of William up on his stone perch, frozen in place in the sun. He said I should stay away because he wouldn’t be able to let me go a second time, but surely there’s no harm during the day. He’s sleeping, right? He probably won’t even know I’m there. I’d sure like the company, though. Even if he can’t exactly talk to me, there’s something reassuring about his quiet, solid presence. Well, there is now I feel like I know him a little. It almost makes me laugh how freaked out I got the night I thought he was a creepy people-eating statue.
When I go to the back door of the theater and enter the access code, the door unlocks and I let myself in. The building is dark, just the strip lighting along the floor and a few emergency lights are on. The tower is windy today, but I tuck my hoodie up over my head and settle in a spot with my back against the arch, looking up at William’s frozen face. His jaw looks tight today. Like he was clenching his teeth when he fell asleep. I much preferred the softer look on his face right after I made him come.
The thought makes my pussy give a little flutter. I smile at the memory, completely forgetting my lunch for a moment until my rumbling belly reminds me again.
I sigh. “Think I fucked up another audition,” I tell William.
William says nothing, of course.
I don’t think it’s the audition that’s really bothering me, though. By now I’m used to failed auditions. You grow thick skin in this industry. Kinda like William, really. I think after a while you either turn to stone or crumble.
“I’m going to have to take a human job this weekend.” I scrunch the paper from my lunch in my fist, balling it as tight as I can get it. The corners of the wrapper cut into my palm. “It’s good pay.”
I imagine William’s fierce look of disapproval if he could move. I know he’d see right through me. Some actress!
I try a brighter smile. “It’s great pay, actually.”
After another long silence, I say, “Only I don’t want to. I wish I didn’t have to. I’m pretty sure the guy’s a creep.”
I don’t realize I’m tearing little shreds off the wrapper until the thing is confetti in my lap. I look back up at William, but of course he hasn’t moved. “This is going to sound crazy, but I liked what you said the other night. I liked it way too much.”
I sigh.
“I’ve never had that. I’ve never had anyone want to look after me that way. I’ve never had anyone so sure they’d want to stick around that long.”
I bring my knees to my chest and hug them tight. What am I doing here talking to someone who can’t answer. Especially when he told me to leave him alone?
“Thank you for not telling Sethos I’m not dancing for you anymore.” Last night’s payment appeared in my account today even though I didn’t dance. “I wish I was, though.”
I linger much longer than I should. I put my chin on my knees and just sit for a while in the silence. It doesn’t feel so uncomfortable when you know there’s no expectations. As the sun gets low on the horizon, I get up and stretch my legs. I’m still not ready to leave, but I know if I wait much longer the sun will go down and William will be mad. Before heading for the door, I lift up on my toes and press a kiss to his cold, hard cheek. “Thanks for listening.”
