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"Sighing. A lot. You're standing in front of my office and stare at the door for minutes before moving along. The garden, the cafeteria. We really haven't seen you like this before, so I'll up and ask you, did you get your heart broken?" He went straight for it.
I looked around and the staff were acting like they weren't interested.
"As a matter of fact, I did," I admitted. There was no need to hide it.
Unlike me, I normally kept my emotions in check, but these days I was slipping a lot, and it wasn't helping my mental state at all.
"Then it's not rocket science to guess who the heart breaker was," he said as he stared at his office door. "There was a rumor and all. But none of us actually deal with baseless rumors…being scientists and all. But we thought you two were a couple."
"We weren't. And she wasn't the heartbreaker. I was the one. Made a foolish mistake," I explained. "We still talk but I'm back to square one….make that zero."
"And are you okay with square zero?"
"If that's what she wants," I replied.
"You don't sound like the Dr. Ian Sullivan we know," he said.
"What?"
"Where's the man who did what he wanted, and made others do his bidding? You're arrogant and selfish, in a good way that is. You have a sense of superiority that doesn't intoxicate you," he explained. "Such a man, wanting to settle for zero when there's one available, I refuse to believe that is my boss."
"What do you have me do?" I asked. "Find her and tell her how much I want her? That I don't want any friendship that wouldn't result in spending the rest of my life with her? I know I made a mistake, but this time I'm not going to take the coward's path and I'll face her with everything I have? Is that what you want me to do? Even if it would ruin the little progress I've made?"
"I don't know how to answer all of that, I'm not a woman," he said, then pointed behind me. "Ask her."
I turned around and saw Natasha standing there. She waved at me nervously, her cheeks a little rosy.
How much did she hear?
"Hi, David," she said and waved to him.
"Pleasure seeing you again Natasha," he replied and then whispered, "Good luck, boss."
"You're back," I said to her. "Aren't you supposed to be in Maryland?"
"I didn't go back. I was in Glen Allen," she replied, "I went to confess my feelings to Ethan."
"What?" I uttered in confusion.
"Is the garden occupied?" she asked with a smile.
****
We were in the garden and I was struggling to process the information I had just received.
"You told Ethan your feelings?" I asked again as we took our seats.
"You were right that maybe what I felt for him was admiration and envy, because he got to do what he wanted and was allowed to fail and pick himself back up," she explained. "But I believe for my feelings to have lasted for years. It's only explainable that I was in love with him as well."
"I suppose that's true," I said. "So, what did he say?"
"Ahem." She cleared her throat and mimicked Ethan's voice. "I don't love you. I was never in love with you, and I never will."
Sometimes I forget that Ethan could be cruel if he wanted to. But that was too much, even for him.
"And that's all. Lawrence and I are no longer together. Ethan never loved me, so I spent years chasing after someone who was never going to look my way," she said.
Chasing after someone who was never going to look my way.Her words resonated with me deeply. I remembered all the people I fell in love with or wanted a future with, and how they told me they were never interested in me in the first place. It always ended up with them having eyes for my older brother.
