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You are closer in age to Carter than you are to him...
She violently rejected that thought. It might be true, but it was completely different. Unless it wasn’t. For him.
In which case, she supposed he wanted to hear about her sex life as much as her father would. She hadn’t thought that it was possible to be lower than she had been only a moment ago, but telling herself that the object of her desire might see her as a child...
“I’m not a child,” she said.
“I am aware of that,” he responded.
And that was when another thought occurred to her.
The possibility that Walker was uncomfortable because he absolutelydidn’tsee her as a child. But because he saw her as awoman.
She didn’t know what to do with that. But the simple truth was, if she was going to leave...
She wanted him.
Every so often, she was overcome with it.
She had tried.
She had tried to be normal. She’d slept with other men. She’d had a long-term relationship. She’d done her best to try and make sure she wasn’t confusing proximity for feelings. And while in the deepest part of her, she felt like she was probably in love with him, she also accepted the fact that the love bit could truly be attributed to the situation.
That she lived with him during the day like they were part of the domestic household. That she took care of his kids. That she saw what a great dad he was. It was... It was hard not to fall in love with a gorgeous man who she’d seen wounded, who she’d watched love his kids through it anyway. Who she knew was justgood.
She challenged a woman to not fall in love with him, honestly.
She could accept that those feelings might be situational. That they might resolve if they were to have some distance. And maybe they hadn’t resolved when she had a boyfriend, but the problem was, she’d never had distance.
The one thing she wasn’t entirely sure she could work out was the attraction. That was something else. It was electric.Chemical. It had become all-consuming for her from the time she was eighteen, and she had never wanted another man the way she wanted him.
Her greatest and dearest shame was that even with Chad, who she had dated for three years, she preferred an orgasm solo to sex with him.
Well, possibly because she couldn’t have an orgasm when she had sex with him, but also because...
When it was fantasy, when it was just her, it was Walker’s hand she imagined. His mouth, she felt more than she did when she was with a partner.
She had a rich fantasy life. And she felt a little bit guilty about it. But she was also just so used to it. One time she closed her eyes tightly and imagined Walker when she was kissing Chad, and it had made her feel dirty, in the least fun way possible. She had stopped immediately. She felt guilty because of what she was doing to Chad, and somehow, bad because Walker didn’t deserve it either. Not that he really deserved her vigorously pleasuring herself to thoughts of him either. But it somehow felt less intrusive than projecting his image onto another man.
Whatever.
Maybe her bar for appropriate behavior was low.
She couldn’t help it.
But maybe also, it was something that she needed to work out. Maybe it was something she needed to do. A line that finally needed crossing.
Once they did, they would be able to go back.
What’s it going to do with your relationship with Sky and Carter?
Okay. She was like twenty steps ahead of herself. She wasn’t even totally sure yet if that was why he was reacting strangely to this.
She had never seduced a man in her life. She had to proceed with caution. And then she could do some risk evaluation.
“I don’t really have anyone else to talk to about this.”
“What about your friend,” he said. “Carly? What’s her name?”
