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Danny had not only raced out to help me when my horse spooked, but now he was defending me from the likes of this douche. He had no idea what was going on and didn’t seem to care. He was red-faced, his muscles tight as he jerked free of his brother's hold. The anger in his eyes—it could have set the world on fire.
Easton, his face too was red, but his anger was misplaced. He had the audacity to try and manhandle me. Here. With my father twenty feet away from where we stood. What a tool! He best be glad Dad didn’t see him pull that. He’d be missing a hand.
Maybe this was the bad karma I’d been fearing. I’d done nothing wrong—I didn’t ask for what happened to me to happen—but I had left nonetheless. I’d run from my problems like a freaking coward. Too scared to say—do—anything to anyone. Hurting my family in the process. Fucking Easton! This was all his fault.
Now that I was back, I still wasn’t sure how I’d handle any of this. I couldn’t just sweep it under the rug and pretend it hadn’t happened. Right? I had a child to think about.
Easton had yet to lay eyes on him, and I didn’t think anyone other than my parents even realized he was here. I’d made damn sure of that. Easton would never have anything to do with him.
I’d been dodging him since I came back home. I wanted nothing to do with him. I really wished I could open up and tell my dad, ‘Hey, you know he’s a psycho and is the reason I left, right? He took advantage of me.’ But I can’t gather the courage to admit what happened.
I hadn’t been completely innocent that night. I’d let myself get stumbling drunk at the Normans’ party. I’d kissed him when he helped me into his truck to take me home before my dad found me. I don’t remember a lot of what happened—thank you, alcohol. I do remember telling him to take me home. He’d not done that in a way. We’d ended up out at the old barn in the back pasture.
There had been a struggle…I don’t know what else happened though. Other than that he'd taken advantage of me. He’d had sex with a drunk girl after she said ‘No, take me home.’
Maybe I’d asked for it by getting in a truck after kissing him. I’d flirted…he had been a handsome man before that. My gut twisted at the mere thought of that night. No, I couldn’t blame myself for him taking advantage of me.
Easton had gotten what he’d wanted and then left me in the barn. In the elements of a Wyoming winter. I’d had to walk home, hungover, in pain and regretting all of my life choices so far. I’d gone off to school as soon as Thanksgiving was over and hadn’t come home for Christmas, upsetting the family, but I couldn’t face them. I was so ashamed of myself. Then I got sick in January only to find out I was pregnant.
I had been a mess…still was.
The last year has been hard. I was back home with a child and my life up in the air. I was going to school for veterinary medicine—finally had to give it up for now and focus on my son. It was too hard to balance school, work, and being pregnant. Once he came along, I had to throw in the towel.
My parents wanted answers that I couldn’t give them. Not yet. This hasn’t been an easy road. In the beginning, I wanted to give up. To let someone else, who could give him everything, raise him. I knew I’d give him life…I just wasn’t sure I could raise him.
It was my Nanny who made me realize that I was only wanting to run from the bad memories. The reason I had to grow up and be a provider. She sat me down and just laid it out like a rug.
“You might be hurting inside, you won’t say why, but I’m here when you’re ready. You’ve got a good head on your shoulders, and like me, your heart is big enough to love without bounds. Give this little baby your heart. If it takes a little time, that’s okay.”
“How can I not—Nanny, I don’t know what to do.”
“Honey, no one can tell you to do anything. This is your body. Your baby. Your choice. But know this, my sweet cookie. I will love you no matter what you choose to do.”
“I’m scared.”
“You’d be a fool not to be, and you, my girl, are nothing of the sort. Babies are hard. Lord knows your father was a right pain in my ass. He still is. They may grow up and move on with their lives, but they will always be yours. You have to take them with the good, the bad, and the ugly. They have to do the same. Being a kid isn’t always easy, is it?”
“No. I guess it’s not.”
“Everything in life that’s good is worth fighting for. That means your own happiness too.”
“If I do this—”
“We will be right here to help you. You’re here at school, away from us all, but, sweet girl, we are only ever a phone call away. You call your Nanny, and I will be here faster than a blink.”
“I love you so much.” Tears fell from my eyes as I hugged her.
“I love you too. Now, enough of that. Come on, let's not be sad. No matter the past, we are going to look forward to the future. You’ll take this journey one day at a time, and when the day comes and this baby is brought into this world, you will understand why even though he’s a pain in the ass, I’d burn down the world to keep your daddy safe and happy.”
I sat in my apartment that night and thought about everything. How I became pregnant. What I needed to do to move on. Making a plan was something I could control, after all. I laid out everything in the pages of a notebook and over the next seven and a half months, I worked on goals.
Leaving Montana and coming home was even harder. Being here, with my family, was just another way for me to be able to provide the care my son needed.
Atticus turned one last week. The cold was just starting and by the time the holidays were here…I couldn’t wait. This would be his first Wyoming Thanksgiving and then Christmas. The first Christmas at home with his family. He was going to be into everything. It would be amazing.
I wouldn’t let Easton ruin it.
“What’s going on out here?” My dad’s powerful voice rolled out across the yard just before Danny moved to pull me into his embrace.
