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Was she fine? He’d never foreseen she would cuddle into him like this. She was clearly terrified.
“He’s been following us on our morning hikes,” she muttered before he could check her injuries. “You can’t keep hiking, Nolan. What if he hurts you?”
“They captured him,” he said quickly, realizing he should’ve told her that earlier. “Jensen is interrogating him. He won’t come after you again.”
“He kept talking about his boss. He carried me into the trees, said he wanted ‘privacy,’ but then he said he had to stop playing and follow orders.” She shuddered. “He wanted to … do more awful things to me, but his boss must have told him not to. Just to scare me so I’d do what he said and get you away from your guards so they could hurt you. They can’t hurt you.”
Anger like he’d never experienced surged through him. No one would ever dare do ‘awful things’ to Madeline. He’d keep her safe. It touched him deeply how protective she felt toward him. “That man will never touch you again.”
“What about his boss?”
“Jensen will get him to reveal everything, and we’ll find his boss. It’ll be all right. You’re safe.”
Madeline pushed off of him and stood. She paced away from the couch and then whirled back to look at him. He stood, hoping he could say the right things to help her feel secure and to know how deeply he loved her.
“That man and his boss want to use me to get to you.”
“We won’t let them. Ray and Jensen and all their people will protect you. It will be all right.” He didn’t know if he should add the next part in, but he had told Ray he would. “You can’t go running by yourself, though. Will you promise me to always stay with your guards?”
Her mouth twisted. “Do you know how many runs I’ve gone on by myself? In Traverse, where there are thousands more people and significantly more danger?”
“I know you’re very capable of taking care of yourself, but things are different now. You’re with me, and I’m the king. You could be a target like you were today.”
Like Anne had been.
Madeline folded her arms across her chest. This image of her—independent, beautiful, in only that white robe. He would hold this picture in his mind forever. He loved her. How could he keep her safe without ruining her independence?
“Nolan … I’m not with you.”
His eyes widened, and his heart seemed to stop. That was a curve ball he hadn’t seen coming. “You’re not?”
Things hadn’t been perfect when he’d left last night, but he’d hoped it was only a matter of reassuring her how deeply he loved her and that Anne’s memory wouldn’t damage their relationship. In fact, experiencing a happy marriage for thirty years had taught him many things. Things that would make him a better husband to Madeline. He wouldn’t make the mistakes he’d made with Anne as a foolish young adult, an overwhelmed young king and father.
“I don’t know that I can handle this.” She gestured around.
Did she mean him, the castle, or his life as the king?
She shook her head and backed up again. “I’m independent and used to being alone. I don’t want guards watching over me wherever I go. I don’t want to be queen. I don’t want to share your heart with a perfect woman who’s immortalized in your mind and will never do anything wrong.”
Every word was a hit to the hope he’d let grow in his heart. If she didn’t want to be queen, did that mean she didn’t want him or simply didn’t want the title? Her emerald gaze said she cared deeply for him. He’d never feel for anyone like he did for Madeline. He would always cherish his slow, steady, deep love for Anne, but for Madeline it was passionate, intense, and carried him away. Their love would grow to epic proportions; he could feel and envision that. He couldn’t lose her. His family couldn’t lose her. The thought of Kiera without Madeline in their lives was horrifying.
“Please. Don’t push me away or give up on us. I know it’s not easy being a monarch—believe me, I know—but you have to recognize how incredible things are between the two of us.” He humbled himself and put it out there, despite the realization that she might reject him. “I love you, Madeline.You. Every bit of you. What we have is special and only between us. I won’t compare you to Anne. I would never hurt you or disparage you. I don’t want to take away your independence, but I want to love you completely and never stop. Please give me that chance.”
Madeline studied him. Her lip quivered and her eyes brightened. She was going to cry again. He felt he had to lay it all out there, but now he realized he was pushing too hard, and after she’d gone through something horrific.
“Madeline, I’m sorry.” He held up his hands. “You’ve had a horrific experience, and I don’t want to push you and make things even harder.”
Madeline took a slow breath, then pushed it out. “You are incredible, Nolan. If it was just us …” She shook her head, and it hurt because he knew it wasn’t just them—they each had a past and he had a huge responsibility that he couldn’t shirk, both with his family and his kingdom. “I’m sorry about all my reservations. I wish we could just be us, but …”
“It’s a lot. I know.” He held up his hands in a gesture of peace. “Please. We’ll take it slow. We’ll figure things out together, as a team. Just don’t give up on me. On us. Please.” He’d never felt so humble and almost desperate, but a life without Madeline was no life. Not for him. Not anymore.
What could he do if she didn’t want to be queen? Could he step down? It was an insane and desperate thought. No king of Augustine had ever stepped down, even when their beloved wives had been killed over the years. He could petition parliament to turn everything over to Tristan. He’d ruled at a much younger age and as a newlywed with twins on the way, honeymoon babies Tristan and Ray. But he didn’t want to do that to his son or to Jennifer. It had been extremely hard on Anne, on both of them.
He’d envisioned a different relationship with Madeline than he’d ever had with Anne. Anne had been a wonderful wife and mother and a sweet queen that everyone loved, but she’d mostly been a figurehead, focused on raising their family and loving and supporting Nolan. He could see Madeline being a part of everything, not just helping and discussing issues with him and T after a meeting, but being a third member of the monarch representation, leading or taking on meetings on her own. She was brilliant, strong, and independent. The people of Augustine would love and respect her just as he did. He was shocked to learn she didn’t want to be queen. She’d be an ideal queen.
It hurt even more that she didn’t want to behisqueen.
His thoughts spun as he studied Madeline, awaiting her answer. After what felt like a year but was less than ten seconds, she dipped her head. “I won’t give up on us.”
