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Then maybe he’s right.
At the end of the day, when we get all the way around to the beginning of that logic circle, what matters is Hercules.
Ifhethinks that me being his third person is significant, then it is. If this is the thing he can’t do, if this is his breaking point, then none of the rest means anything at all.
I run my fingers through his hair, tracing the pattern of one of his curls, as gently as I can. I don’t want him to wake up if he’s tired.
You don’t think you’re good enough,I think at him. My parents’ voices are like a stream running through the room. Chilled water and sparks of sunlight. Posiedon’s is bigger, like the ocean, and Zeus sounds like a party. A small, quiet party. Your family, gathered around the table, singing the birthday song in the backyard.
“—friends with connections. Hades, are you willing to—”
“—before. We shouldn’t put them in a position where they feel responsible,” my mom says.
“Oh,fucknot being responsible. We live in a fucking society.” Poseidon, voice rising until Zeus shushes him, the noise like the foam of a whitecap.
“Demeter said she would come.” A glass of champagne. Clapping while they cut the cake. A broad smile. Air moves, like he’s shutting the door behind him.
This brings the room to a halt, my dad’s arms tight around me. “When?”
“Just now. She and Gio can be here tomorrow morning.”
“Why not tonight?” my dad asks.
I’m still trying to figure out why Hercules could possibly believe he’s not enough for this, not enough for me, why he could possibly think he’s not important, so I miss the first part of Zeus’s explanation.
“—workers,” he’s saying, when I remember to pay attention. “They’ll be here at dawn.”
“To do what?” I ask. “What is she going to do?”
“You need new painkillers, otherwise we can’t solve the rest,” Zeus answers. “She’ll have to touch you to know how to grow the hybrids. And then—”
“I don’t think the soil on the mountain is as important as you think,” my mom says. “Growth shouldn’t be a problem, as long as the processing is the same.”
“There’s no reason to think—” I should let Zeus finish his sentence.
I should.
“What about Hercules?” I’m the thing we’re trying to fix. I know that. But it seems…shortsighted to focus all our efforts on saving me if he needs help, too.
“What about him?” My dad’s tone is unexpectedly gentle, and it makes me want to cry. It makes me feel young and fragile and exhausted. Iamthose things, I guess, but I don’t want to be.
“What are we going to do for him?”
I expect another awkward silence, but Zeus is right there with a response. “Whatever he asks for.”
“You know he won’t ask for anything. You know that.”
“Whatever he needs, then.”
“What if it’sme? What if I’m the thing he can’t afford to lose?”
“Daze,” Zeus says, because my dad is holding his breath, and I’m pretty sure he can’t say anything at all. “None of us can afford to lose you.”
“But what if I’m not cut out to be in the world? You would be okay. You would be—you could survive it. What if he can’t? ”
Footsteps approach, and I think my dad might’ve died, because he’s still not breathing. Zeus gets down close, one of his hands going to my dad’s knee and the other hand going to my face.
“Don’t say it.” My breath is shallow, every one of them hard to take, and I barely have the energy to stay awake. I’m already dizzy. “I don’t want to hear it right now.”
