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I wanted to sit down in the middle of the dirty lane and cry my heart out. How had I gone from running away from love to running head-first into disaster, I wondered. Was I really such a coward?
Enough was enough, I decided. My issues were my own, and no one else should have to pay the price. I was done with the idea of marriage and a family of my own.
As for having children, Veer and Nivy would have kids soon, and I’d make a great aunt. I would spoil them and be their partner-in-crime, and teach them how to climb trees, and how to sneak into the palace in the middle of the night - the best way was through the window of a guest suite on the third floor. There was a big tamarind tree that abutted the window. It was a steep climb, but you didn’t run the risk of waking anyone - and, that was good enough.
But when I thought of Nivy starting a family, I realised that at some point, Aryan would do the same. Even if it wasn’t Arshia. One day, he’d fall head over heels in love with a woman and he’d whisk her off to a wedding mandap faster than I could blink, and I would have to attend the bloody wedding.
I blinked back tears at the thought of Aryan falling in love with some unknown woman and blew my nose hard as I told myself that I had no right to complain. I didn’t want him. I didn’t. Then I repeated it five more times, but it didn’t sound any more convincing than it did the first time.
Oh, who was I kidding? I wanted Aryan. I always had. But there was nothing I could do about it. He thought I was a selfish, horrible person, and wanted nothing to do with me.
I wondered if it was the pollution that was making my eyes water so much. Really, I’d have to write to the Pollution Board about that… or sit in dharna outside their office or something. Maybe that was a good plan for the rest of my life. I could turn into a khadi-wearing, cat-raising social activist, forever sitting in dharna over something or getting arrested. Only, I didn’t like wearing khadi because it itched, and I didn’t like the food in Tihar jail, so courting arrest was out, and cats were banned in the palace because Veer was allergic to their fur.
My phone rang, and I blew my nose once more before I answered it. It was Nivy.
“Where are you, Jessie?”
“In the lane outside your stupid brother’s community clinic.”
“That’s a horrible area! What are you doing there?”
“It’s all your fault, you…you… meddler,” I accused.
“I’m not a meddler,” she gasped.
“You so are! And you’re a pest to boot. A meddlesome pest,” I yelled.
“But why are you crying?”
“Because I don’t want to wear khadi and raise cats,” I wailed into the phone, aware of people giving me a wide berth as they squeezed past me.
“Oh, Jess. I’m on my way to get you. Don’t cry, sweetie,” she murmured.
“I’m not crying. It’s just the pollution. It’s really bad, and we have to sit in dharna outside the Pollution Board,” I cried.
“All right. We will,” crooned Nivy softly.
“Come soon. I’m running out of tissues, and I’m too old to wipe my nose on my sleeve,” I ordered.
The lane opened onto the main road and I didn’t want to risk being spotted by a reporter, so I leaned against the side of a decrepit building until the strong smell of ammonia told me that the building giving me sanctuary was a public toilet.
Ugh.
I straightened up with a shudder, hoping no stray drops of pee had found their way onto my clothes. I’d rather brave the paparazzi than have to clean pee off my favourite jeans. Suddenly, someone grabbed my elbow and turned me around. I shrieked and swung my handbag around wildly.
“Jessie, stop! It’s me. Owwww!” yelled Aryan, just as my handbag hit its mark.
“Oh, God! I’m so sorry, Aryan,” I cried, as he rubbed the side of his head.
“No, it’s fine. I’m the one who should apologise. You were a great help today. I don’t know how Sister and I could have managed without you. I’m sorry for being so rude,” he said sheepishly.
I sniffed and turned my nose up at him. As far as apologies go, it wasn’t much. He still hadn’t said sorry for always thinking the worst of me, which was what truly rankled. So, I made a few mistakes when I was younger. That was no reason to treat me like a blight on society.
His hand slid down my forearm lightly and I shivered. Aryan tugged at my fingers until I met his eyes.
“I quite liked playing the hero today, you know. And you had to go and ruin it all by being a bigger heroine than anyone I’ve ever met. I don’t think this clinic will ever recover from your cleaning spree,” he teased.
I raised an eyebrow at him.
