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I know right away that I’ll need to develop a thick skin if I’m going to survive and graduate. The boy sitting next to me was the only one that smiled at me. He even showed me the page the class was working on and showed me his name, James. He’s cute, with light brown skin. I notice his muscular arms and smile that make a girl swoon. Well, I’m swooning for sure.
As the teacher gives the math problem for us to tackle, I do it in less than a minute. He looks surprised at how quickly I solved it. “Would you like to show the class how you got the answer?” He asks me quietly, but I shake my head. No way am I going to stand in front of this class and speak.
“I understand.” He then goes to the board.
“Only one person got the answer right. I suggest you all pay attention,” he continues teaching. He noticed my boredom because I had already mastered what he was teaching last school year. My dad was a math professor. He’d poured all his math knowledge into me, and I’d absorbed it like a sponge.
He made me believe there wasn’t a problem in the world I couldn’t solve with math. I was always ahead of class in math and science. Literature and English weren’t my strong suit. I passed those but aced math, science, and technology. I miss Dad so much every day.
After class, we all picked up our bags for the next class. Mr. Childs asks me to stay back. I pack up and wait. Once the last person is out he says, “Mariam, I get the sense you are bored in my class because your math is more advanced.” I nod. He smiles. “I have a few in this class that can handle advanced work as well if challenged. I will group you with them. That way, you stay ahead and not get bored.”
“Thank you.”
“Any other strong suit I should know about?”
“Science and technology. I’m not very good with literature and language art.” He smiles. “Perfect. Not to worry. I’ll inform the other two teachers about you. Here’s your permission slip for lateness to the next class.”
“Thank you, Mr. Childs.” I take it, and I briskly head towards the next class. Much as I wish to find somewhere to curl in and talk to my parents. Like I’ve quietly been doing every night. I still feel like it is all a dream that my parent will appear soon.
By the next few days. I learn names but keep mostly to myself. No one wants to make friends with me. Not like I’m ready to make friends with anyone. By the end of the week. I only had two smiles, James and a happy-go-lucky girl named Taimani.
James. I think he’s the cutest boy I’ve ever seen. Tall with captivating brown eyes. I can tell he’s athletic. He’s the school’s best basketball player, and he’s smart, too. He has been glancing at me repeatedly but is reluctant to approach me. Perhaps he doesn’t want to be seen talking to the new girl.
By the end of week four. I’ve mastered all the names and categorized them all. Nice, quiet, mean and undecided. Didn’t take long for them to know, I’m a math genius in class. I could tell some of them didn’t like that. It’s like they expected to me be dumb because I came from a different country.
I soon started hearing them calling me names or making rude remarks. Once a boy pretended like he didn’t see me coming and tossed a cup of water my way. Soaking my uniform, he immediately claimed it was an accident when a teacher intervened. I let it go. My grief is bigger than their pettiness. I keep to myself daily.
Lydia who is the worst of them all, likes to speak gibberish to me like I can’t possibly understand English. I sit in front of the class and many times I feel paper or pencil tossed at me with giggles. They pull at my braids and act like it was an accident.
I’ve learned to ignore their name-calling, Lydia, who I’ve categorized as the meanest. She’s an exquisite beauty with looks like the face in magazines, always tossing her long blond hair like it must be noticed how luscious and well-kept her hair is, but I can’t tell if she’s smart or trying to sound smart. She’s certainly the queen with her minion always on her tail.
I know she doesn’t like the fact I’m in the advanced groups. She seems to think her beauty and wealth entitle her to every group. I’m convinced that she’s entitled even when there isn’t a need to be.
The advanced groups in math, science, and technology have helped me stay on track. We don’t say much other than the work. No one wants to invite me to play. There’s a silent code that whoever speaks to me would break if they invited me out or talked longer with me.
James is in my math group, which is nice. I remind myself always to focus on the work and stop swooning over a pretty boy. His rock star look has every girl blushing, even mean Lydia. He’s the only good in my day, especially when he smiles or winks at me.
My nights are harder; I spend them crying about my parents. Grief still surrounds me, like a dark cloak, despite Aunty Lara’s efforts to cheer me up.Why did they have to leave me behind? Maybe I need to find a way to join them. Or maybe I need to keep moving forward but it’s hard in a new country and school. I’m overwhelmed.
NASEER
“YourHighness,yourfriendBrian called again today, requesting to speak with you or visit you,” Nurse Rae says.
“You’re either deaf or stupid, didn’t I tell you to stop telling me about any requests to speak with me? I don’t want to see or speak to anyone. Is that clear?”
“Yes, Your Highness.” She turns to leave.
“Did I dismiss you?”
She stops and looks back at me, frightened. “No, Prince Nasser, I thought you wanted to be alone.”
“Yes, get the fuck out!” She scurried away. I want her gone. I want to punch or attack someone, but I can only yell and scream. Why won’t Brian get the message and stop calling? I don’t want to see anyone. Still brewing in anger, I didn’t notice my dad.
“I just saw Rea crying in a corner. You need to stop yelling at your nurses, Naseer,” my dad says.
“She’s stupid, Dad, I’ve told her several times to stop relating messages to me, but she keeps telling me.”
“She tells you because she knows friends will help you heal; not sure you have noticed. You’ve become a lonely and angry person.”
