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I kept my one hand resting on her back as she turned to look at the crowd in front of us. Sure enough, everyone was watching. We were the anomaly. The only couple that no one knew and the fact that I was here, even though I’d rejected several women in the room, meant they were judging Aster, wondering what she had versus them.
Aster was everything, and she didn’t even realize it.
I swallowed, because I really had it bad for a girl that didn’t look at me twice. The first time I kissed her without permission, and she froze. She didn’t want me. Oh, well. I guessed you couldn’t blame me for trying to shoot my shot. I just wished it didn’t feel like I’d been punched in the gut for the pleasure.
“I think we should go,” She whispered, and it only served as more confirmation that I royally screwed this up. She couldn’t even stand my presence anymore.
“Should we at least say hello to a few people before we go?”
She shrugged, looking unbothered. “Nah. They saw my face. That’s what they wanted. I didn’t have to stay and actually suffer through a conversation with these people. That wasn’t in the fine print.”
With my hand firmly in hers, I let her drag me out of the room while I reluctantly wiped her lipstick off my lips. The only good thing about leaving early like this was that everyone thought we had better things to do… Like each other.
“My mom,” Aster said as I pulled up to her dorm. She hadn’t spoken since we got into the car, and the silence was feeling somewhat deafening. I was at least thankful that the place wasn’t far, so I didn’t have to suffer through it for long.
I rolled my head on the seat of my car to look at her. Yup, she was still as beautiful as when I looked at her five minutes ago. Even with her teeth sinking into her lips.
“Your mom?”
She nodded before focusing her attention on her hands. “She’s the reason I’m trying to join the sorority.”
“Oh.” I nodded as my fingers played with the steering wheel. “That’s nice. I’m sure she’ll be happy once you get in.”
“She’s sick,” She spat out, and then closed her eyes, shaking her head despondently. “God. I can’t believe I’m saying it out loud.”
Her hands were visibly shaking, so I reached over and took them in mine. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I said nothing. I just rubbed my thumb across her palm.
After a few minutes of silence, I said, “I’m sorry to hear about your mom.”
She looked at me with a forced smile. “She’s got Stage One lung cancer. I suppose I should be happy that it’s not that progressed, but she seems to be resigned to the fact that no one is going to help her.”
“What do you mean?”
She raised her hand flippantly. “I don’t know. It’s just the only reason she’s even getting surgery is because I agreed to go to this stupid sorority thing.” She dropped her hand in her lap, shaking her head at what she thought was pointless. “How fucked up is that?”
I was taken aback because it was the first time I’d heard Aster swear, and for her to have such veracity behind her words. That was when I realized what it was like to hear her talking about something she really cared about. She wasn’t just focusing on the superficial, but she was sharing something important. Something personal, and I’d hold that fact close to me.
“She doesn’t care if it’s left untreated. It could kill her.”
Aster’s eyes were glassy, and it was taking everything in me not to pull her into my lap and just hold her. I took her hand and brought it to my thigh. “I’m sure she cares, and I’m sure your attendance tonight isn’t the only reason she scheduled in her surgery.” I didn’t know her mother, but if she was anything like her stubborn and prickly daughter, I could only assume it was all a ploy for something else. Not that I would tell Aster that.
“I just don’t understand how you can act like you don’t care like that after something so big happens to you. She needs to get a third of her lung taken out and she acts like it’s no big deal.”
My chest constricted because I immediately thought of Thea, and how she acted after everything that happened to her in high school.
“Everyone deals with things that happen to them in different ways,” I said, not ready to tell my sister’s truth when she’d been trying to forget it for years.
Aster pulled her lips into her mouth and nodded. She was trying to stop her chin quivering, but I could still see it. Her eyes were glazed over, and the need to reach over and hug her became too great. I gave in.
I pulled her in before she could back away, and although she froze at first, she gently melded into my touch, even putting her head on my shoulder. “If she’s anything like her daughter, I’m sure she’ll fight this with everything in her power.”
Her breath tickled my neck as I rubbed her back. “I hope you’re right. It’s just, she’s so damn stubborn.”
“Sounds familiar,” I mumbled, loud enough for her to hear, and I grinned when she looked at me in shock. It didn’t last long because she smiled and that was exactly what I wanted for her. “Has anyone ever told you that your smile is devastating?” The words spilled out of my mouth before I could stop them.
She blew out a disbelieving breath. “Devastating?”
“Yeah.” Well, I’d gone this far. I might as well keep going down this reckless trail. “Because there’s so much hidden behind it. Most people won’t study it long enough to notice, but I can see it. There’s so much about you that’s perfect, but you think you’re still broken and it’s devastating to know that you don’t see what I see. What everyone else sees.”
