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Holy shit.
Logan’s head swam. It felt as though his world was caving in around him. He couldn’t become a parent. Fuck, no. He’d sworn to himself that he’d never mess up a kid the same way his dad had messed him up. He was careful with contraception—always.
“I wore a condom,” he said.
Gabby cringed. “In hindsight, it had been in my purse for a while. It might have been compromised.”
“Shit.” He dragged his fingers through his hair, not even caring that twinges of pain exploded over his scalp from where they caught in the windblown saltwater tangle. He should have used one of his own condoms. He’d only grabbed hers because she suggested it. A whisper of suspicion tickled at the back of his mind. It had been her useless condom, and she’d never made a secret of the fact she wanted kids. She’d lost her chance at having a blissful family life with her ex, so had she decided his sperm would be as good as anyone else’s? He’d heard of women poking holes in condoms but he’d never imagined it might happen to him.
“Did you do it on purpose?” he asked. “Did you know this would happen?”
Smack!
Her palm cracked across his face before he saw it coming.
“How dare you?” she hissed, her eyes full of hurt.
He touched his cheek. It throbbed. Shame filled him. She hadn’t deserved that. He was angry and upset, but he trusted she wasn’t the sort of person who’d do that to him. She was honest. Sometimes too honest.
“I’m sorry. I deserved that.”
“Yes, you did.” Her face was red. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry too. Not about slapping you. Fuck you for even thinking I’d be capable of what you implied. But I’m sorry for what’s happened. I know it’s not what you wanted, and to make sure there’s no doubt, I’ll get a paternity test done. I don’t want you wondering for the rest of our lives whether it’s really your child.”
“You don’t have to do that,” he said immediately. If she said there was no possibility anyone else had gotten her pregnant, he believed her. Even though he’d rather not.
“But I will,” she insisted. “For both of our peace of mind.”
Logan took a few steps toward the wet suit box, needing a distraction, but then her words from a moment ago really hit him.The rest of our lives. If she was pregnant, it wasn’t a temporary inconvenience. Everything from now on would change. He’d be a father. He no longer had the choice to opt out of fatherhood, as he’d always intended. He could either follow in his absentee father’s footsteps or try to be a decent dad even though he worried he’d end up letting his child down the same way he had been.
His jaw tightened. He couldn’t leave his son or daughter to wonder why they weren’t enough for their dad to hang around. He’d gone through that, and he wouldn’t wish it on anyone. But what was the alternative? He wasn’t cut out to be a father. He hardly knew anything about kids, and even less about babies. He wasn’t responsible enough to even keep one alive and healthy, let alone raise them to be well-rounded and mentally stable. For fuck’s sake, he owned a bar and surfed in his free time. What part of that said, “parent material”?
He felt a hand on his arm.
“I can have papers written up for you to sign away your parental rights,” Gabby said softly. “I know this is a lot, and I don’t expect anything from you. I earn a good income and my family will be supportive. I’m not afraid of being the sole carer for the baby. It’s not what I always dreamed of, but life rarely turns out the way we hope.”
Logan shook his head. He didn’t want that, but she was bombarding him with too much at once. First the news she was pregnant, then the offer to make it all go away. “I need to think. Can you give me some time before you ask questions like that?”
“All right.” She dropped her hand from his arm. “Is there anything I can do to help?”
“Not now.” He stared blindly at the pile of wetsuits, his plans for a quiet afternoon completely shot to shit. “I’ll call you. I just need to get my head around this.”
“Fair enough.”
They stood together for a moment longer, and then Gabby turned and walked away, leaving Logan alone to process the bombshell she’d dropped on him.
* * *
Well,that had gone about as well as she’d expected. Although she hadn’t anticipated that he’d accuse her of having gotten pregnant on purpose. The nerve. But she understood where it had come from, and even though it hurt to know he’d thought that, she reminded herself that he was dealing with a shock. At least he’d apologized when she called him on his bullshit.
As she walked back to her car, she realized he’d never asked her whether she wanted to keep the baby. Perhaps he knew her well enough not to bother. She unlocked her car and sat in the driver’s seat, gazing blindly at the steering wheel. Tears burned at the backs of her eyes and a tremble ran through her, but the relief of having gotten the secret off her chest outweighed everything else. She’d done the hardest thing now—at least until the birth itself—so she could handle whatever else came her way.
Still, she didn’t like the thought of returning home just yet. There would be too much silence and plenty of opportunities to second-guess herself. Maybe she could visit a friend, but most of them would still be working. She could pop in to see Charity at the library. Not for long, just enough to calm her mind and get some of the moral support she craved.
Decision made, she drove to the town square and parked on the side street nearest the library. As she approached the main entrance, the scent of coffee wafted over from Cafe Oasis next door and she covered her mouth and hurried inside before she gagged. As the doors swung shut behind her, she looked around. Kyle was seated at a desk behind the counter, and the place was relatively quiet, with just a few patrons searching the shelves or reading quietly. Gabby strolled along the ends of the aisles until she found Charity in the G-J part of the fiction section.
“I did it,” she said as soon as she was close enough for Charity to hear without having to raise her voice.
Charity cocked an eyebrow. “You’ll have to be more specific.”
