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I swallow hard but have no response. Her words echo my own uncertainty.
“How did we reassemble ourselves? Are there any traces left of who we used to be? Or what we used to have?” She offers a sad, seeking smile. “What if we decide to try, but we’re too different from who we were before?”
My voice comes out thick, halting. “Maybe we can’t compare it.”
“Right. So maybe…” She tucks hair behind her right ear and lets her fingers drift down to twist the ends. “Maybe we just start over.”
What if it hurts too much?
I draw in a slow breath and gaze out over the darkened garden. Once so familiar, like her. But now, after years, it’s slanted against my memories. More overgrown in places and designed differently in others. Different foliage, new fountains, old ones no longer where they once were.
But it’s still beautiful, isn’t it? Even if it’s different?
“I guess we have to decide if it’s worth it.” My voice shakes, cracks. I ease another step closer to her. “If I have to marry someone, I still think…I would like it to be you.”
Her lower lip trembles as she smiles up at me. Silver glistens in her eyes.
“If you think you’d still like it to be me,” I add in a whisper, shifting even closer.
She sniffs once, inhales a quaky gasp, and nods. “Yes.”
I take another step closer. Then I tip her chin up and lean down until our lips touch.
We’ve kissed in the gardens dozens of times. Most quick and stolen. Or sweet and tender on the nights when we had a bit more time.
This one is different. Broken somehow. Like I can’t catch my breath. Like I have never done this before. Yet her soft lips against mine — it’s familiar in so many ways. As natural as always. Still, hesitation churns within me in ways I wasn’t hesitant before. Even the first time I kissed her. Nerves I can’t pinpoint patter against the fire spreading through me.
Her palms linger on my chest for only a moment. Then she slides them around my neck and shifts to her toes, leaning into me.
I squeeze my eyes shut tighter and tilt my head away from her until I gather enough control to risk opening them. The ground blurs before me. I take a deep breath and shift back enough to look at her.
The hopeful smile on her lips almost settles me. Then she closes her eyes, relaxes against my palms.
I blink back the emotion and swipe my thumbs over her cheeks. “Can we try again?” The words come out breathless, halting. So much for control. “Please?”
Her eyes shimmer as she looks up, and like last night, a trail of warmth reaches out to me. Yet stronger now, more grounding, filling the space between us the way flowers find a way to grow through the cracks in walls.
“I know it’s fast.” Now I’m whispering. “Too fast. I wish we could know. But I can’t risk losing you again. I-I can’t…lose you.” I breathe her in and let my forehead rest against hers. Wispy hairs tickle my face. I let my fingers tangle between the smooth tresses and draw her a little closer. “Come tomorrow night. Come dance with me. Let me announce you. Let me fix this.”
For a few seconds, she doesn’t speak. Doesn’t move. Then, with our foreheads still pinned together, she nods.
“I will.” She presses a soft kiss to my cheek. And with painstaking movements, she takes my red-stained hand in hers, threading our fingers together. In the moonlight, those river-deep eyes nearly glow as she locks her gaze on mine. “Ipromise, Kirran.”
ChapterSixteen
ALIA
Seven years ago, when Kirran invited me to his birthday ball and said I’d be meeting his parents, be introduced as his bride, I’d floated through the remainder of the day and practically danced my way home after work.
I do the same this time. Only this time, I don’t have to go to work afterward, and he slips through the halls with me, our hands clasped. Even though we don’t speak once we enter the castle, barely a trace of awkwardness lingers. When he stops at my quarters, says goodnight, and kisses my cheek, I can almost forget that we were ever apart.
Even with all the uncertainty and unanswered questions, even with all the rage and feelings of betrayal, now that we’re united in purpose again, it’s almost like we’re picking up where we left off.
I know it won’t be easy. That we will struggle and fight and have moments where pain steals our breath — but for right now, I lean into this hope the same way I leaned into his kiss.
Hope that we can heal. That we will be okay in the end.
That weareworth fighting for.
