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My heart patters too intensely for me to sleep. So I stare up at the ceiling, twirling my mother’s necklace between my fingers and relaxing as much as I can into my bed. When sleep finally wraps me up in its cocoon, for the first time in a long time, it’s sweet and restful.
The next morning passes in a flurry. Nerves build in the back of my mind as time ticks down to the final ball. I do my best to focus on the task at hand. Kirran’s assurance that the king will let us marry still doesn’t settle in me — not because his plan is weak but because King Abbas is unpredictable. Kirran didn’t explain in great detail before he dropped me off last night, but he plans to speak with my stepmother and then give the king some options. All of which end with me as his wife, but only one of which ends with him as king. When I protested it, told him I couldn’t possibly let him abdicate for me, he’d scoffed and said he’d never wanted the throne anyway. That his people would be better with someone else.
The defiance sparking in his eyes then made him appear younger. More like the young man he’d once been. He also promised to send guards to bring me to the ball so no one would be able to prevent my attendance.
Reena is all smiles through our workday as well, but I don’t get a chance to talk with her until we’re heading out of the laundry room for the day. Two soldiers wait in the hall — Reena’s brother Tarriel and the man who had been outside Kirran’s room two nights ago. The one he called Vaddik.
They greet us and fall in step just a stride behind.
Captain Harran had not only asked Reena to come to the ball tonight to meet his parents, but he’d presented her with a gold and crimson gown to wear and a necklace of glittering jewels. We stop by my room to grab fresh undergarments and then head to hers, Vaddik and Tarriel trailing all the while.
Like we did two days ago, Reena and I bathe and dress in our gowns. But she doesn’t change my hair color this time. Fully made up and ready to go, we stand side by side to survey our reflections.
I look like myself. Somehow, that doesn’t seem like such a bad thing anymore.
“And you’resureyou don’t mind if I go with him now?” Reena tugs again at the bodice of her dress, her concerned amber eyes on me.
I shake my head and smile as I adjust my own dress in the mirror. “No, I’ll be fine. They’ll bring me up in a bit. Go meet his parents before everything gets chaotic.”
She watches me for a moment and smiles. “I’m proud of you, you know. Two nights ago, you were so nervous and unsure, and now…” She mock dabs a cloth beneath her eyes and flutters a hand over her chest. “So grown up and brave, conquering your fears.”
I roll my eyes. “Kirran’s there. There’s little to be afraid of.”
“Ah yes, the man you hate and love and love to hate — or something like that.” She expels a dramatic sigh, and her smile morphs into a teasing smirk. “Again, it’s madness how quickly things shifted with you two. Before, him being there was precisely why youdidn’twant to go.” She tips her head, and an auburn wave tumbles across her cheek. “And you’re sure he means it? All of this?”
“Yes.” I draw in a shaky breath. “I still don’t remember everything, but I can tell that what I thought happened isn’t real. I knew him better than that. It’s sickening to me that I even fell for it at all. I should’ve trusted him more and known something was off.” Warmth cradles my chest, and I smooth both palms down the orange dress. “The more time passes, the more ridiculous it becomes, and the weaker the illusion is, too. It’s like a fading dream. One of those ones that feels real in the moment, but once you wake up, you can see how foolish it was.”
Reena nods. “That sounds accurate for an illusion.” A moment of silence, then she grins. “Well, I’m happy that you’re happy.”
“I’m happy thatyou’rehappy. And meeting his parents already!” I match her expression in the mirror, then turn to face her as she blushes. She can’t seem to stop smiling. “You look beautiful, by the way. And Captain Harran is a very kind gentleman.”
“You look beautiful too.” A sly sparkle ignites in her eyes, and she flips her hair off her face. “But I can’t in good conscience say Prince Kirran is kind. Or a gentleman.”
A laugh spurts out of me, and I cover my mouth. “Fair enough, I suppose.”
A knock at the door silences us. Reena presses her lips together to restrain a squeak. I give her a quick hug and push her toward the door. As she fluffs the skirt of her dress and straightens her shoulders, Captain Harran’s voice filters through the door.
“If you aren’t ready, I can wait. It’s not a —”
“No, no — I’m ready!” Reena flings open the door. Past her shoulder and the firelight gleaming in her hair, I catch the delight blooming in Captain Harran’s eyes as he takes her in. Just to his right, Tarriel and Vaddik exchange a teasing smirk.
Captain Harran heaves out a breath and offers his bent arm. “Milady.”
Reena shoots me a scrunched-face, eye-disappearing grin that he can’t see and tucks her hand around his elbow.
Captain Harran’s attention flicks to me, and he nods. The smile on his face shifts from lovestruck to simply pleasant. “Milady Alia.”
“Captain.” I dip a quick curtsy and wave as Reena glides into the hall. The door shuts behind her, and I face the mirror again.
Two nights ago, I hardly recognized myself as I studied my reflection.
Now I see only me.
In a fancier dress than I normally wear, of course, once more on loan from Reena. But my face and hair are solely mine. Flaxen waves tumble across my shoulders.
I shift back and forth, testing my appearance from different angles. As if perfecting my appearance could somehow keep the nerves from chewing my insides to pieces. Within the hour, I will be officially meeting the king and queen. And not merely as one of their employees. I will hold Kirran’s hand, probably cling to his hand, as he presents me to them as his chosen bride. The king may fume over the impossibility of our union. Kirran will level his arguments. He will win his father’s acceptance, if not his favor. We may even dance with countless eyes on us. While we’ve danced before, it’s always been in the garden, with only the shadows and statues and fireflies to keep us company.
But beneath all my dizzy excitement, beneath the anticipation and anxiety, something cold lingers. Something empty. Hollow. Like a specific, vital piece is missing and I didn’t know until right now.
