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Even a magic-based match would’ve been better. Because forest knows, she has to have magic.
I draw my hands up through the water to wipe my face. Bubbles fizz across my skin and lazily dissipate. Deep red hands and forearms, matching the bloodstains I no longer bear on my body. Decay encases the heart in my chest. Though I live and breathe, inside, I’m cracked and stone-cold and lifeless. The way I’ve left everything else I’ve touched.
So, no. I won’t watch for that golden-haired traitor tonight or imagine that, somehow, she might have returned to work in this palace. I won’t lose myself in the magnificence and clamor of the festivities and presume, for even a moment, that maybe I could find someone to be happy with.
I’ll simply single out whatever acceptable woman seems the most like she doesn’t want to be there, and that’ll be it.
ChapterTwo
ALIA
“Have you seen Kirran yet?”
Reena’s chirpy voice cuts through my concentration. I nearly drop the washing as I spin my head toward her.
“He’s back?” It’s a ridiculous question, and I know it the moment it leaves my lips. Of course he is. If he weren’t, she wouldn’t have asked.
But Reena, forest bless her, doesn’t tease me, just smiles and answers the question I should have asked. “He arrived a few hours ago. The general debriefed him, and then they probably met with the king. He’s likely in his chamber by now.”
A tightness constricts my limbs, but I force a smile back. “Ah.”
“Probably getting ready for the masquerade tonight.” Reena prances over, flipping her auburn hair off her shoulder as she sidles up next to me and leans to grab a handful of fabric. “I’ll bet he’s just as handsome as ever.”
I ignore the ridiculous burst of warmth in my belly and shoot her a grimace. “And as vicious.”
She pauses, head tipped to the side. Her hair slides down to reveal the gentle point of her ear. “You think?”
“If I know Kirran — which I do —”
“Doyou, now?” She snorts and lifts her brows.
Now she’s teasing.
“Not like that, and you know it,” I say with an equally playful scowl.
“You’ve kissed him, which is a fair cry more than anyone else here has done.”
Thank the forest all we ever did back then was kiss.
Our mutual desire to wait for marriage was yet another reason I’d thought he was the one.
The simmering heat spikes, but I stuff it down — into the past of a foolish girl who no longer exists. “I’m quite certain he still cares as much for me as he did when I left.” I try to say it without emotion, as I speak of nothing more impactful than the fact that the palace is made of stones. But something still catches in my throat, an echo of pain that skulks at the back of my mind and haunts me in the darkest reaches of night.
I push that aside too. I’ve known for weeks that Kirran was returning. We’ve all known why and what it means for Hazal, the autumn kingdom. I’ve had plenty of time to prepare myself.
Reena rolls amber eyes and tucks her hair behind her ears. “Well, then he’s a fool —”
“Ree!” I snap my gaze toward the door and back to her. “Are you mad? You speak of the crown prince —”
“— and the cousin of my cousin’s brother-in-law, which makes me family, so I’m allowed.”
I shake my head. “None of that makes you Kirran’s family. Especially not since —” The words fail in my chest, and I freeze. Speaking of the deceased princes isn’t forbidden, of course. But it feels like it should be. Maybe that’s just because it’s so fresh still. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s fine. It’s not like any of them ever actually talked to me. And I’m not close with Coretta anyway.” She falls silent, yanking at the soaked clothes to rotate them, then nudges me with her shoulder. “So, do you want to come with me tonight?”
I all but drop the washing again. Servants aren’t permitted to attend balls unless invited, even if I did wish to go. And my stepmother hasn’t dragged me to a public spectacle in years. I cannot fathom that she’d request my presence. Now that my stepsisters and I are adults, my stepmother’s image doesn’t require her to present three dutiful daughters.
“Absolutely not.”
