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Chapter 1
Dillon
I stared at my phone for the hundredth time, willing it to ring. 7:24 pm. Tyler was officially 24 minutes late for our date. I bounced my leg anxiously and chewed my bottom lip unable to quell the sinking feeling in my stomach.
This wasn’t like Tyler at all. We had been chatting online for weeks now, and he seemed so sweet, so genuine. I had really thought this could be the start of something real. My heart had fluttered reading Tyler’s texts, seeing how considerate he was, how interested in my life and dreams. It gave me hope that maybe, just maybe, I could find a love like my best friend Hil had.
Hil had met his boyfriend Cali so effortlessly, so instantly falling into an easy, loving relationship. Yet here I was, still struggling just to get a first date with a guy I had really connected with online. A guy who seemed to share my feelings and understand what it was like to be young, gay and searching for love.
Everything always seemed so much harder for me – making ends meet, finishing school, finding someone to love me for who I am. Now, here I was sitting alone in the cozy cafe Tyler and I had picked for our first date.
Had I completely misread the signs with Tyler? Was he just looking for a hookup and nothing more? Or worse, had I gotten my hopes up about someone who was just luring me in with empty promises?
I checked my phone again. 7:27 pm. The sinking feeling in my gut twisted sharply. Blinking back tears, I muttered under my breath, “Don’t cry, you idiot. It’s just a first date.”
But it was more than that and I knew it. This date had represented something much bigger – a chance at the true love I desperately wanted. A possibility of having someone finally see me, want me, love me for exactly who I was.
All I had wanted was what seemed to come so easily to everyone else – a loving partner by my side. But disappointment after disappointment was starting to take its toll.
A tear escaped rolling down my cheek when the cafe door chimed open. I quickly brushed it away, feeling foolish. An attractive couple walked in, arm in arm, laughing lightly together. The twist in my gut wrenched tighter. He wasn’t coming. And I wasn’t even worth a text.
Swallowing, I couldn’t bear the thought of going back to my empty apartment tonight with another failure to endlessly agonize over. All I wanted was to know what it felt like to be loved. Was that so much to ask for?
But as the minutes ticked by, the truth set in. I had been foolish to get my hopes up in the first place. So with a deep, shuddering breath, I gathered my jacket and walked out of the cafe alone.
Chapter 2
Remy
I stood in my father’s once grand office, now transformed into a makeshift hospice room. Hil and my mother were next to me, all of us looking down at our father’s lifeless body. The silence was suffocating, broken only by the soft sobs of my mother trying to hold back her tears.
Heartbreak washed over me. But gazing over the shadows cast on my father’s face by the dim light, I felt more than that. His was a mixed legacy. I had spent my life proving my worth to him. I had done things I wasn’t proud of. Now that he was gone, I wondered if it had all been for nothing.
Hil broke the silence. “I’ll organize the funeral. I want to do this for Father,” he said, his voice wavering with emotion. I could tell he was still desperate for our father’s approval, even after his death.
I glanced at him, my heart aching for my brother who had tried so hard to escape the life of crime our family had been born into. He hadn’t been built for it like I was. Unlike me, he had never been able to hide his attraction to men. It hung around his neck like a scarlet letter. To my father’s credit, he never judged Hil for it. But when my father and I were alone, he didn’t hide his disappointment.
It wasn’t for what Hil wanted to do with other men. It was for what it meant about his ability to thrive in our unforgiving world. People wanted my father dead. Given the way Father claimed his power, I understood why.
But that meant that no one in our family was safe. Hil, and his sensitive nature, would always need someone to keep him alive. Father had no problem in doing that, but it was clear that he wanted a son who could take care of himself.
That was what I became for him. I took care of myself. Always unsure of when the pass he gave Hil would end, I soon took care of Hil too. I didn’t mind. He was my little brother. It was my job. But having to be the man my father wanted me to be took its toll.
“Thank you, Hil,” I said, my voice betraying the pain I felt.
My mother reached over and squeezed my hand, her touch tingling with a mix of sadness and gratitude. I could see the hope in her eyes for a better future, free from the violence and danger that had plagued our family for so long.
My thoughts drifted to the pact I had made with Armand Clément, my father’s most vicious rival. I had agreed to hand over my father’s illegal businesses to him in exchange for keeping the legal ones and securing my family’s safety.
We would be out of the mafia world, and under his protection. It was a desperate gamble, but I couldn’t stand the thought of carrying this on without the immense pressure I had felt from my father to do it.
Besides, our family already had so much to make amends for. At some point, I was going to need to figure out how to give back to the community. Father’s obsession with power had caused a lot of pain. That couldn’t be my family’s only gift to the world.
It was then that Dillon flashed through my mind. He was Hil’s best friend and the boy whose presence never let me forget that I wasn’t straight. His lean lines, his lightly tanned skin, his loosely curly hair that I dreamed about pushing my fingers through.
They all turned me into a man who dreamed every night about holding him. A guy who fantasized about sliding my hand up his tee shirt and wrapping my large hands around his narrow chest. He was my anchor in my father’s turbulent seas and now, the ocean that kept me from Dillon lay in front of me, dead, missed, and regretted.
Excusing myself before my family saw the smile that slowly crept across my face, I headed to my childhood bedroom. I couldn’t wait another second. I needed to hear his voice. My heart pounded at the thought. I had to call him.
