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“We should head back. There are things I want to show you in the morning and neither of us has had much sleep.”
“I’m not sure that sleep is in my future anytime soon. Are you sure you don’t want to stop at a bar for a sampling of French wine?” I asked, not wanting the day to end.
He turned to look at me. Sadness filled his eyes. I didn’t understand. Where was the endless flirt who had driven me crazy all day?
“No. We should call it a night. But, tomorrow,” he said with melancholy.
“Sure,” I said, hiding my disappointment.
Was it happening again? Had he made me fall for him before pulling the rug out from under me?
No. I wasn’t going to go there. There was more to Remy than a flirt or tease. Over the past few months, he had done more for me than I could dream of. If his mood had changed, or if he decided that he no longer wanted to be with me, there had to be a good reason for it.
I wasn’t going to let it hurt me. But I could also no longer doubt that he cared about me. I had to let him be him.
“You’re not upset, are you?” Remy asked, telling me how poorly I was hiding how I felt.
“Remy, even if I was, wait a minute, it’ll change.”
“Your feelings and the weather, huh?”
I smiled painfully, acknowledging that it was true.
With that, Remy wrapped his arm around me, pulling me tight. It was a nice consolation prize. Walking back to his exquisite apartment, he held my face between his hands and looked longingly into my eyes.
Heat washed across my body. I couldn’t tell if it was coming from him or me. In either case, I could see that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. Then why wasn’t he leaning down? Why wasn’t he kissing me?
“Goodnight,” he said, touching his lips to my forehead.
“Goodnight,” I told him, doing my best to muster a smile before he let me go and disappeared into his room.
I quietly listened. Had he locked the door? It didn’t sound like he had. Was that my invitation? I didn’t think it was.
Disappointed, I headed to my bedroom, got undressed, and went to bed. I dreamt of Remy. In the dream, he tested my doorknob. Finding it unlocked, he entered finding me naked and asleep.
Unable to resist the sight, he climbed on top of me and consumed my body. Watching him do it as if my body were someone else’s, I ached for him. And the screams the two made as he dominated it, drove me wild.
Opening my eyes alone in my bed, my heart pounded. Rolling over to escape the morning light, I found that my sheets were wet. My god, it was like I was again 14 years old dreaming of the only boy I ever did.
Remy had always been the only boy I ever wanted. I genuinely ached for the man.
It was then that I realized something. Taken or not, I would never be able to stop feeling the way I did about him. I had to accept that.
As I did, I forgave my mother. I had grown up resenting her for being with my father, a married man. But now I understood. Her decision was neither good nor right, but I finally got why she made it.
Lying in bed wondering what I was going to do, I stared at the intricate inlay on the ceiling. I lost myself in it. When I re-emerged, it was to thoughts of sharing my bed with Remy. I imagined the two of us staring up at the ceiling together. My chest clenched thinking about it.
This hurt too much. I needed to get up. Climbing out of bed, I stood in front of the sliding glass door to the balcony, allowing the morning light to touch my naked skin.
Staring out, I admired the wooden deck encircled by plush sectional patio furniture. I wished I could go out and lay bare in the sun. I might have if more than one side had been a wall of trees.
On the other hand, weren’t the French less hung up on nudity than Americans were? If someone walked onto their balcony and saw me lounging nude, would they care?
Deciding it was better not to find out, I instead headed to the closet. Opening it, I was surprised to find the outfits I had tried on the day before added to the selection. When had Remy even purchased them, much less had them sent here?
Choosing the one that Remy reacted strongest to, I got dressed and headed to the living room excited to see his reaction.
“Good morning,” he said with a smile as his eyes rolled over me.
