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“Virginia? Why there?”
“It’s close to the FBI headquarters. I wanted to take a few specialty programs that allowed for easy enrollment.”
I froze. “To the FBI? And did you… enroll, I mean?”
Jimmy smiled proudly. “I did.”
“Oh, congratulations. What division?” I asked hesitantly.
He leaned closer and lowered his voice. “Organized crime.”
“Oh!” I replied, immediately thinking of Remy. “Nice,” I said, trying not to panic.
“Yeah. I figured, what better way to give back to the community than to try to get some of the gangs off the streets? What about you? What are you doing now? Real estate?”
I stared at him nervously. “What made you say that?”
“I noticed you looking at the building. It was like you were casing the joint. If I didn’t know you, I’d be worried,” he joked.
“Oh,” I laughed. “I mean, I guess kind of.” I paused to choose my words carefully. “I’m working with the person who’s turning the building into a community outreach center.”
“Seriously? That’s fantastic. You know, if you ever want to talk about anything, like how to make sure the gangs don’t bother you here, anything really, you should give me a call,” he said flirtatiously before pulling out a card.
I had to shut down any thoughts he had about us quickly. The last thing I needed to do was date someone in the FBI while working for the son of one of the biggest wolf mafia bosses in the city.
“I’ll be honest, I’m just recovering from a… I don’t know what would you call it, a situationship? So I’m not up for anything in that way. But it might be helpful to touch base about safety strategies for the center.”
“Of course. Anything you need. Just let me know. It was, ah, good to see you again, Dillon,” he said, making sure his interest was clear.
“You too, Jimmy. I mean, James. I’ll let you know,” I said, holding up his card as he walked away.
Leaving the neighborhood, I thought about my conversation with Jimmy. It was amazing to think that I could have had such an effect on him. Back then, I constantly felt miserable for being gay and not fitting in. Yet, Jimmy had found the strength to be who he was from watching me.
“How?” I asked aloud, trying to understand it all.
Returning to the office, I added something new to my calendar. I needed to start hiring. The programs I imagined for the center had to be designed, and I had no idea where to begin.
Knowing Remy had access to my calendar, I decided to test him. I blocked off time and labeled it ‘Start Hiring Process.’ Hitting save, I stared at the screen waiting for a reaction. When nothing happened, I chuckled at my unrealistic expectations and went about my day full of meetings.
After reviewing countless designs, and then looking up all of the new words I had heard, I was done. Walking to my new place, I again thought about my encounter with Jimmy. I couldn’t shake the feeling there was something important I’d missed about it. As I prepared dinner from the fancy dips lining my fridge, I replayed our conversation.
It wasn’t until I lay in bed, drifting off to sleep, that it finally hit me. Remy had said that embracing your true self brings rewards. And despite my personal struggles, Jimmy had been inspired by my true self.
As the thought washed over me, a smile tugged at my lips. Remy had been right. Embracing your true self brings rewards. Rolling over feeling wiser, I cuddled a pillow and quickly fell asleep.
Walking into the office the next morning I found new meetings scheduled on my calendar. A slew of headhunters, job recruiters, and representatives from job posting websites filled the agenda. How was Remy able to get all of this done in one night? There was no way I could ever allow myself to feel anything for Remy again, but I had to admit that he wasn’t all bad.
As the weeks passed, Remy and I fell into a routine of indirect communication. I would enter requests in my calendar, and he would make them happen, usually the next day. I wasn’t sure why, but our exchanges were strangely comforting. I was almost starting to believe I could handle everything.
During a lunch with Hil when he had flown into the city to visit his mother, I filled him in on my job and all the perks that came with it.
“Remy says you’re doing an amazing job,” Hil said proudly.
I might have been. But I couldn’t help but think of Remy’s perks as some sort of guilt payment.
“Thanks. It’s nice to hear,” I said humbly.
“No, seriously! What you’re doing is so great. Do you even know the effect you’re going to have on people? I loved my father. I did. But, he did so much wrong.
