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I wasn’t going to let it hurt me. But I could also no longer doubt that he cared about me. I had to let him be him.
“You’re not upset, are you?” Remy asked, telling me how poorly I was hiding how I felt.
“Remy, even if I was, wait a minute, it’ll change.”
“Your feelings and the weather, huh?”
I smiled painfully, acknowledging that it was true.
With that, Remy wrapped his arm around me, pulling me tight. It was a nice consolation prize. Walking back to his exquisite apartment, he held my face between his hands and looked longingly into my eyes.
Heat washed across my body. I couldn’t tell if it was coming from him or me. In either case, I could see that he wanted me as much as I wanted him. Then why wasn’t he leaning down? Why wasn’t he kissing me?
“Goodnight,” he said, touching his lips to my forehead.
“Goodnight,” I told him, doing my best to muster a smile before he let me go and disappeared into his room.
I quietly listened. Had he locked the door? It didn’t sound like he had. Was that my invitation? I didn’t think it was.
Disappointed, I headed to my bedroom, got undressed, and went to bed. I dreamt of Remy. In the dream, he tested my doorknob. Finding it unlocked, he entered finding me naked and asleep.
Unable to resist the sight, he climbed on top of me and consumed my body. Watching him do it as if my body were someone else’s, I ached for him. And the screams the two made as he dominated it, drove me wild.
Opening my eyes alone in my bed, my heart pounded. Rolling over to escape the morning light, I found that my sheets were wet. My god, it was like I was again 14 years old dreaming of the only boy I ever did.
Remy had always been the only boy I ever wanted. I genuinely ached for the man.
It was then that I realized something. Taken or not, I would never be able to stop feeling the way I did about him. I had to accept that.
As I did, I forgave my mother. Before finding out that the man I thought was my father was a vampire, I would always see people in the window of his apartment. I thought that that was his family. I also thought that I was the product of his affair.
I’m not sure why I thought that. Maybe it was something the vampire compelled me to believe one of the many times I confronted him. Perhaps he thought it would get me to stop showing up at his door.
Whatever the reason, I had grown up thinking I was the product of an affair and resented my mother for it. It was simply a part of my reality. Whether it was true or not, it had become something I had to work through. And now I had. Being with Remy, I finally understood how people fell for someone already in a relationship.
Lying in bed wondering what I was going to do, I stared at the intricate inlay on the ceiling. I lost myself in it. When I re-emerged, it was to thoughts of sharing my bed with Remy. I imagined the two of us staring up at the ceiling together. My chest clenched thinking about it.
This hurt too much. I needed to get up. Climbing out of bed, I stood in front of the sliding glass door to the balcony, allowing the morning light to touch my naked skin.
Staring out, I admired the wooden deck encircled by plush sectional patio furniture. I wished I could go out and lay bare in the sun. I might have if more than one side had been a wall of trees.
On the other hand, weren’t the French less hung up on nudity than Americans were? If someone walked onto their balcony and saw me lounging nude, would they care?
Deciding it was better not to find out, I instead headed to the closet. Opening it, I was surprised to find the outfits I had tried on the day before added to the selection. When had Remy even purchased them, much less had them sent here?
Choosing the one that Remy reacted strongest to, I got dressed and headed to the living room excited to see his reaction.
“Good morning,” he said with a smile as his eyes rolled over me.
“Morning,” I replied, pleased with his reaction.
“Sleep well?”
Remembering my dream, my cheeks flushed. “I guess,” I said, weighing it against the restlessness it had created. “How about you?”
“It was a mixed bag,” he admitted.
“How come?”
