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But, hearing it as a kid, the idea that I was gay because I didn’t have a father, lingered. It might even have been the reason I started watching the vampire from across the street.
I have since learned that liking guys is more genetics than anything. And seeing how gay Hil is with a father like theirs, helped. But, the things you hear early are hard to shake. It sits in the back of my mind even today.
“You’re right. I didn’t have anyone to teach me what it was to be a man. But did learning what your father taught you make your life any better?”
Remy looked down in thought.
“Maybe not. Look, I didn’t mean to say anything…”
“You didn’t,” I said knowing he hadn’t. “I’m just trying to tell you that I want to be there for you. I want to help you carry whatever is weighing you down. I’m strong enough. I can take it. And I don’t want you to feel alone. Not with me around,” I said squeezing his knee.
Remy looked at me considering. When his decision was made, he said, “I once saw my father amputate a vampire.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean he started by cutting off each of his fingers with pruning shears before moving onto his limbs with a hand saw.”
Shock and nausea flashed through me. “I don’t understand. Why?”
“Vampires aren’t allowed in wolf territory.”
“And he just cut off his limbs as punishment?”
“And he made me watch,” Remy admitted with pain in his eyes.
“What?”
“It wasn’t just me. It was the whole pack. I think he wanted us to see what he was capable of if anyone ever crossed him. And I know he was a vampire, and hence dead, but he screamed like he was still alive.”
I had to steady myself as I digested the information.
“You okay there?” Remy asked this time touching my knee.
“Give me a second,” I told him honestly.
He did and it was enough for me to start to process what I had heard.
“So, you see, when Hil or you think that I’m like my father, it means something a little different to me.”
“I get that,” I said compassionately. I paused. “I’m hoping that’s the worst thing you watched your father do?”
Remy laughed. “How about we just leave it there for today? We’re talking about a lifetime of stuff. I’ve had time to digest it. It might be a bit much to hear all at once.”
“That’s fair,” I said relieved that I didn’t have to hear more.
Remy turned and stared ahead at the colorful colonial-style building in front of us.
“What are you thinking about?” I asked scared of what I would hear.
“You were right. Telling you helped.” He turned to me. “It’s a lot, you know. But I feel a little lighter,” he said with a smile.
“I’m glad,” I said faking my enthusiasm.
“I shouldn’t have told you, should I? I’ve traumatized you,” he said with regret.
“No,” I said before lowering my head knowing it was a lie. “I mean. Yeah, it’s a lot. But that’s what sharing the burden means. It means that no one person has to carry everything. We share the load. And, I’m strong enough. I can take it. Although, I might not be ready to go back inside just yet,” I said forcing a smile.
Staring at me for a second, Remy turned and started the car.
