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“It’s bullshit, and hearing it laid out pisses me off,” Ryan says.
“I know. It is bullshit. But we have to trust that Mr. Kelley will figure something out. He’s the real deal.”
“It’s going to be tough, Jackson. These guys aren’t new to this. There’s no way they haven’t been scoping out this area for a long time. I’m sure they figure owners want to make money. They’ve done their research. The zoning board zones every piece of land a certain way. I was talking to my father the other night—there’s no way Green Breeze sent those letters without being one hundred percent certain a wind farm could be built on the specific land. My parents are prepared to fight this until the end, but they aren’t naive to the situation. As long as Green Breeze has a few willing owners, they may drag the others into taking the deal. Look at you—your own family is considering selling. I’m sure no one in Meriden ever thought your family’s land would be anything but an orchard, but now look where we are. Time changes and things happen, and no offense, man, but you are skipping town,” Ryan says, holding both palms in the air.
An unease settles in my stomach. “I guess we’ll have to place our bets on Mike Kelley.”
Tyler returns to the table while I try to recover from Ryan’s gut punch. “Yeah, sounds like it. Listen, guys, I’m going to head out. I’ve got a lot going on in the next couple of days. I’ll see you at the meeting Tuesday?” I say.
“Jackson. Sorry, man. You aren’t leaving because of what I said, are you?”
“Nah, don’t worry. You’re only speaking the truth. I wish things worked out differently. Shit is getting real. Time is slipping away.”
“You’re the one deciding to let it slip away. Remember that. You are letting something we all experienced define the rest of your life,” Tyler says, and the four of us sit in silence for a few minutes, avoiding eye contact.
“Yeah, I know,” I respond. Standing, I head for the door. As much as Tyler can be an ass, he’s honest.
Without processing what I’m doing, I turn left out of the parking lot and drive home via the east side of the lake. I haven’t followed this route since the accident. Taking a right out of the parking lot shields me from getting a glimpse of Newfound Lake. The water’s edge is enclosed by giant family retreats with enormous pine and evergreen trees.
Since the accident, it’s been safe turning right because I couldn’t bring myself to look at the water or Trinity’s childhood home. Seeing it will drop me right back into that moment when I lost her, the moment when I should’ve been able to save her. It’s been more than I can bear, so avoiding it has been the easiest thing to do.
The road along this side is spotted with older homes, much more modest, granting the lake visibility between the lots. Maybe it’s time for me to stop sheltering myself. Maybe it’s time to stop hiding. Thinking back to Solia remembering her memories growing up here and how she would be heartbroken if her family put the cabin up for sale reminds me of the love I once had for this area. The accident changed my outlook, and not for the better.
This town shines through Solia’s eyes and has allowed tiny shards of light to penetrate my darkness.
As I follow the road around the lake, heading east, tears threaten to cloud my vision. I take in the view of the water shimmering in the moonlight. There are no other cars on the road, so I slow to a crawl and luxuriate in the gentle breeze blowing through the cab. A slight ripple in the water forms as it flows toward the shore and over the sand. Campfires flicker on the water’s edge, sending sparks into the air as families laugh and enjoy the night.
These sights and sounds remind me of old times, when life was easy, so free. I wish I could erase that day, travel back in time and prevent it. Trinity should still be here, but she’s not, and I am.
I’m dwelling on an event I cannot change or control. I won’t allow the past to follow me like a dark cloud, muddying my judgment and stealing my happiness.
Tonight, for whatever reason, a fraction of the guilt I’ve been carrying around dissipates with the breeze. In its place, I allow a memory of the love and happiness these waters have provided me over the years. I hold on to this moment of clarity and vow to never let it go. It’s time for me to move on and be honest with myself about what I truly want out of life. I can’t keep running from the tough stuff.
* * *
I’m tired but restless, kicking the sheets off my legs. I replay the conversation I had tonight with the guys at the Binn, and the truth stings. I am more determined than ever to fight before I leave Meriden. My friends and part of my family will still be here, and when I come back to visit, I don’t want to see that our town has been erased by this company’s big plans.
A sudden urge to text Solia overcomes me, and without regard to the time, I pick up my phone from the nightstand.
JACKSON
Hey, sorry it’s so late. Are you around tomorrow night? I thought I could swing by and take care of that showerhead for you.
SOLIA
It’s OK, I’m still awake. Sure, I’ll be here. Mia is coming to town tomorrow, but she’ll be out with Tyler tomorrow night. She mentioned dinner. Either way, I’ll be here.
Sounds good. I’ll text you before I come to make sure your plans haven’t changed. That’s cool about Mia. You must be looking forward to her visiting again.
It’s great she’s coming. Tyler has a lot to do with it too. But I’ll take it. ??
I’m sure. Everything else OK with you?
Yes, everything is fine. But . . .
What’s the matter?
I just miss you. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t say that, but I do.
