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I squeezed my eyes shut against a rush of tears, losing concentration as my thoughts careened wildly. I hated him. I hated Kolis, and I hated Eythos for creating this situation. I hated the Fates for preventing Eythos from telling his son. And I fucking loathed how this reminded me of Tavius and how he’d held me down in my bedchamber.
I was trapped.
The embers stirred again, responding to my maelstrom of emotions.
I kept my eyes closed and thought of Ash. His features pieced together in my mind, and I recalled the night we’d fallen asleep together on his balcony. That had been a first for us. For me. I clung to that memory, erasing Kolis. I wiped him from this experience. I removed him. He wasn’t here. Nor was I.
I was back in the Shadowlands, tucked against Ash, safe and happy. That was where I retreated and stayed until Kolis finally stopped feeding and moving against me.
He grew impossibly still once more, his body as rigid as mine. My fingers and palms ached from how tightly I’d clenched them. I counted the seconds silently ticking by, barely breathing as I did.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Kolis’s arms loosened and then fell away. I shot to my feet like an arrow released, my hands and legs trembling. The back side of my gown was fucking damp.
Bile climbed into my throat. I took a step back and lifted my gaze to Kolis, feeling the embers pressing against my skin once more. A jumble of emotions roared through me, leaving me panting. Rage mottled my skin, and something I shouldn’t even feel pricked at my flesh, leaving hundreds of brutal cuts as part of me—a foolish, somehow naïve part—couldn’t believe what had just happened.
Kolis sat there, a curtain of blond hair shielding his features as he looked down at his lap and the blotch of acutely visible wetness. A shudder ran through him.
“I’m sorry.” His head lifted abruptly. “I…I have shamed myself,” he stammered. “I’ve shamed you.”
The back of my neck crawled.
“I lost control.” His eyes closed, his features tensing. “I…I didn’t mean to.”
All I could do was stare at him.
“I wanted this time to be different. I didn’t want to frighten you with my passion and jealousy. You must forgive me,” he fretted. “I was just overcome with emotion. I’ve waited so long for you.”
I couldn’t hear him. The screams in my head drowned out his excuses. They were Sotoria’s and mine, full of rage, disbelief, and pure hatred. They sounded sad, and all the while, he…he fucking sounded agonized.
Kolis suddenly stood, taking a step toward me.
I tensed.
His eyes closed once more, his features drawn. “That will never happen again.” He took a deep breath, lifted his lids, and fixed his gaze on me. “Do you understand? You do not have to fear that.”
I counted the seconds again.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
I felt myself nod, but I didn’t believe him.
