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“I did everything in my power to deny that the dream was anything more than that. Even after the first night I was to take you as my Consort.”
A muscle bunched in his jaw. “Even after I sensed your emotions—the bravery that overshadowed your fear. I’d never felt anything like that before, not from generals in wars long since forgotten or gods as they faced down Kolis before their deaths. And each and every time I saw you from then on, that bravery never faltered. Not when I saw you that night in the Garden District at the seamstress’s house and that damn lake. You were always so fucking brave, even when your life was in danger or you were in pain.”
His lips firmed, a tangible sign of the emotions that churned within him. “And what I sensed from you, time and time again, was the same thing I sensed in that dream—fear but bravery as you died. And I could no longer deny that it was no simple dream. It was a vision. It didn’t show me how you died or why, but I believed Kolis had to be involved. So, I was determined to keep what I saw from coming true. At least that’s what I told myself. But in reality, Sera? What I saw—what I felt—in that vision? It terrified me.” His jaw flexed. “So, I had my kardia removed right before I brought you into the Shadowlands. I was still healing from it the first few days.”
My breath stilled in my lungs. I was right. Worse yet, I clearly remembered accidentally walking into him after having supper in the dining hall. His hiss of agony had stayed with me. Tears dampened my lashes. Somehow, knowing that he’d had his kardia removed after growing to know me made it all…it made it even more tragic.
He briefly closed his eyes. “I never should have done it. I should’ve been more like you—afraid but courageous. Instead, I was a coward.”
“No,” I denied, rising onto one elbow. “You’ve never been—”
“I was, Sera.”
Tangled curls fell over my shoulders as I sat up, the ends brushing against my legs. “You’re no coward.”
“I appreciate your denial. I do.” He rose at the waist, shifting his weight to the hand next to my curled knee. “Your life could’ve been so fucking different. Your family never would’ve punished you. You wouldn’t have had to feel as if you were alone—never allowed to experience what most take for granted. You wouldn’t have felt like a monster. My apologies were and will never be enough. I could’ve—”
“Stop,” I pleaded. “Listen to me. I’m not going to lie, Ash. I wish you’d made a different choice, but the one you made doesn’t make you a coward. It makes you stronger than anyone I know.”
His mouth opened.
“It does,” I insisted. “You sacrificed so much to protect me. More than I think you even realize.”
A lock of hair fell over his cheek as his chin lowered. His eyes closed. “You’re too understanding—accepting. Under all that toughness, you’re too kind.”
“I don’t know about all of that, but what I do know is that you’re not a coward. You did what you believed was best with the knowledge you had. It isn’t your fault.” I flattened my hand against his cheek. “If the Fates hadn’t decreed that no one could speak of what Eythos did, you would’ve made different choices. All of us would have.”
Ash nodded slowly. As I eyed him, I sensed there was more. What? I didn’t know. In all honesty, I wasn’t sure how I even knew there was more. Like before, it was almost like the knowledge or awareness simply formed in my mind. It reminded me of…
A shaky breath left me. What had Kolis said about Eythos? About the Primal of Life? That he had foresight? Intuition. Ash’s father hadn’t been born with it. He’d received it upon his Ascension.
Holy crap, did that mean I was now a know-it-all? Because if so, I would be way more obnoxious than ever.
But none of that mattered right now.
Ash did.
I drew my fingers along his shoulder, letting the unknown knowledge of there being more to what Ash said come to me. It wasn’t hard. I just didn’t think about what came to mind. I spoke it instead. “Did…did that dream or vision show you anything else?”
He cleared his throat. “It showed me what happened after you died. I saw the realms die—both mortal and that of the gods, and they…” His eyes met mine. “They died at my hands.”
The words he’d spoken right before he Ascended me… I knew he’d been speaking the truth then, and I heard that truth even now. Felt it.
“I had my kardia removed because I knew you were the one who would one day wreck me,” he rasped. “And only one thing could cause such agony, such destruction from a god or a Primal of Death.” His eyes searched mine. “That vision showed me that I’d fallen in love with you, and that it wasn’t Kolis who ended the realms. It was me. I ended them because I lost you.”
“Ash,” I whispered.
“And I thought removing my kardia would save you and the realms.” A harsh laugh punched out of him. “But in reality, it brought the realms within mere minutes of destruction. And maybe I read that vision wrong. Maybe it was trying to warn me not to do it. I have no idea. But…” His eyes glimmered. “But I still fell, Sera. Hard and fast. Irrevocably. Even without my kardia, I fell in love with you.”
“You did.” A tremor went through me. “Now, there is something I want to tell you. When I said I thought I’d die without knowing what your love felt like? I was wrong. Even if I had died—”
Eather pulsed in the veins of his cheeks. “I don’t want to talk about you dying.”
“I know, but what I’m saying is that you’ve proven to me, many times over, that you love me,” I said. “It was in every one of your actions, even if you never spoke the words. I knew when you held me in the lake that if what you felt wasn’t love, it was something even stronger—better. We just didn’t know it was possible.”
“It shouldn’t be.” He pressed his lips to my cheek. “There is only one thing I can think of that would make it possible. We’re of the same soul.” He drew back, leaving our faces inches apart. “It’s the only thing that could’ve made removing the kardia utterly meaningless.”
“Of the same soul?” I sat back. “Like mates of the heart?”
