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“But you don’t have to cuddle me. I have a big snuggly ogre in my bed who will give me all the cuddles I need.”
“I should still be able to do it.”
“Rome wasn’t built in a day, honey,” she murmured. “But I don’t think it’s me, is it? It’s him.”
He stiffened. “Effie . . .”
“He loves you, you know.”
“I know.”
“But I don’t think you see it in its entirety. I think the two of you have become so worried about losing the other person that you won’t actually make a move. You don’t want to do it because you think he’ll reject you. So you hide your true feelings and fall into bed with women, but only when he’s there. Because then it feels like being with him.”
“Effie, that’s not what it’s like with you,” he told her urgently.
“Oh, I know. I’m your world. I’m his world. Nothing will change that. I know if I don’t say anything, things will continue on like this. Me, the Queen. You two, the peasants.”
“Peasants?” he growled, squeezing her tight.
She giggled. “Sorry, servants.”
“Someone’s sassy mouth is gonna get them in trouble.”
“I hope so.” A sense of sadness filled her. “But it’s no way to live, Grady. Feeling like you’re on the outside looking in.”
“I don’t feel that way.”
“Not with me. With him.” She turned to look at him. “I never told Joe.”
“Effie.”
“I never told him that I loved him and I’ve regretted that for years. He died without knowing how I felt.”
He squeezed her again. “Sweetheart.”
“I mean, I think he knew. I tell myself he knew. I tell myself I was right to hold back in case he rejected me. But there’s always that ‘maybe’. You know? I loved him. I lost him. But now I have the two of you and it’s hard not to feel guilty. Sometimes I’m so freaking happy, that I almost want to sabotage it. To test it. To make sure that it’s real and won’t crumble. Because sometimes I don’t believe I deserve to be this happy when he’s dead.”
“Fuck, sweetheart. Don’t do that. We’re here, we’re real, and we love you. And, of course you deserve this.”
“So do you,” she told him quietly. “I get you’re scared, but I’m here now.”
* * *
So do you.I get you’re scared, but I’m here now.
Those words played in his head as he sat out in the cold. He’d sent Effie back to Steele. She’d given him a kiss, but he’d sensed her disappointment.
Grady didn’t want to let her down.
Didn’t want to lose what they had.
But regrets were something that could eat you alive. So he got up and moved to their bedroom, climbing into the bed on the other side of Effie.
“Fucking finally,” Steele muttered. “Do I have to tie you two to the bed to keep you here?”
“I love you, Damon,” he blurted out.
Fuck. He hadn’t meant to do this now.
